Baby left in car with engine running? Post Reply

[happygoluckymummy]

The article is spot on. Thank you for sharing pinkhorse

We do live in fear and in a society where it is seen as abnormal, or even criminal, to allow children to be away from direct adult supervision, even for a second. I am also in fear that other adults may judge me for my lack of fear.

[happygoluckymummy]

The article is spot on. Thank you for sharing pinkhorse

We do live in fear and in a society where it is seen as abnormal, or even criminal, to allow children to be away from direct adult supervision, even for a second. I am also in fear that other adults may judge me for my lack of fear.

[dudette]

The NY Times article is spot on. The op must realise that not everyone shares her assessment of the risk - what seems risky for you may not seem risky for other people. I used to leave my kids outside shops in their double buggy while I popped in to buy a paper. It was hard getting the buggy through the door and I reckoned the chances of someone stealing them was pretty slim. All the time I see parents pushing their child down narrow shop aisles and blocking them for everyone because they're too scared to leave them by the door. But when it was time to send my son on a school skiing trip which he wanted to go on I decided it was too risky. Obviously many parents didn't agree. You can tell from the responses on here that some people (presumably the people who never leave their kids in cars) back you 100% and others (the ones that do) think you're a busybody. Neither side is right or wrong, we just have different views on risk. In my opinion (and it is just an opinion) I think you were right to be concerned and right to hang around, but not right to call the police and I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve by trying to track her down on this site. I am absolutely as irritated as the next person by bad parenting (like the dad I saw yesterday at the Bellevue Fair who allowed his very young son to hurtle down the pavement on his scooter on the shop side of a crowded Bellevue Road which was dangerous for both the child and the pedestrians) but saying something to the parent is as far as you need to take it in almost all circumstances. So I think you should you have waited for her to come back and then told her what you thought and left it at that. 

[aryastark]

Human psychology is a fascinating thing. Now i am somehow mean, evil, and borderline insane. 

As one poster said, i would never have forgiven myself if i read that a baby was stolen from that car, or car with baby was driven off by a thief. i would have been desperate with guilt, knowing that i could have saved that baby and had not. 

it's also interesting to note that at no time did police on the phone suggest that i was wasting their time or taxpayers' money (to which i contribute very much indeed). i trust that police are well trained to tell off those who are wasting their time. 

i am a mother of 3, and i know the difference between necessity and negligence. there was a situation when i was walking with my pram and saw an open car with two young children in it. i waited for a minute or two and mother arrived with two more children. noone at risk, no drama, no calls to police (residential side street and not northcote road, engine not on, and i could just about see a door open a few houses down). i simply performed a mental risk assessment and considered that what i saw (and continued to observe for 9 minutes) was out of the ordinary and dangerous for baby. 

there were several ways how the mother of child in question could have made the situation infinitely safer. she could have parked in line of sight of the house she so desperately needed to go into; she could have left front door open, and she could have turned engine off (at least deterring those who might be after a car rather than a baby). 

i am sure i'll get another load of wrath from some readers, but i am curious if anyone would leave their mobile phone, in everyone's view, on a side of northcote road, unlocked, and bugger off for some urgent business. i understand very well that there are a lot more of those who might steal a phone than those would steal a car or worse still a baby, but my point it - it's all a luck of the draw whether such person happens to be walking by in that place at that time, and most of us try not to tempt fate by putting ourselves or our possessions (or children) at risk.

skiing trip is a parental choice. neglect to ensure baby's safety is not a choice parents should have. and contrary to what someone had said - it was not the case of two babies / two very young children - it was a baby and a 10-yo. 

but then again, those who accused me of being mean and otherwise with issues are least likely to not mis-interpret this post. 

i take my comfort from the fact that police took this seriously. 

[aryastark]

The article is spot on. Thank you for sharing pinkhorse

We do live in fear and in a society where it is seen as abnormal, or even criminal, to allow children to be away from direct adult supervision, even for a second. I am also in fear that other adults may judge me for my lack of fear.

i am not talking about children. i am talking about a 5mo baby. and it was not a second but 9 minutes.
can you not tell the difference? 

[dudette]

Your original post said “If I am wrong, please do tell me.” Why did you ask for people’s opinions only to attack those who don’t agree with you? No one has suggested you’re evil or borderline insane. We’re just pointing out that people have different interpretations of risk. I think pretty much everyone agrees that the mother was stupid to leave her baby in the car with the engine running. Not everyone agrees the police should have been called. Yes you would have felt terrible about the baby being abducted. How would you have felt if social services had got involved and the baby was removed from its mother as a result of you calling the police?

[aryastark]

Dudette - yes one of the posters said ‘what kind of judgmental and mean person are you?’. Thats undeserved.

Perhaps i should not have asked if anyone disagreed.

[mum_1980]

pinkhorse I love the New York Times article you posted. I do think as parents we really need to be more supportive and not judgemental of others.

Aryastark I agree 100% that this woman made a really dumb and potentially very dangerous decision to leave her baby in the car with the engine running. I also think that calling the police and then going on a witch hunt on a community forum is going way, way too far. There is one thing, being concerned about the baby, standing by the car and trying to find the parent which is a great thing to do and I'm grateful that people in the community care. But then, not going up to the woman when you saw her and choosing to call the police instead is in my opinion really cowardly and very indicative of our society today. We are supposed to be a community. Even if your blood was boiling, you should have walked up to the woman and calmly told her that you are worried about her kid and have been standing by her car to make sure no one nicked it! I bet she would have been mortified, apologised and run back to her car - that would be enough for her to realise she'd made a major error in judgement. You just don't know what her circumstances are. She could be having a really tough time and made a really stupid decision. Either way, you may have known more if you spoke to her.

I despair that everyone these days either goes on line or calls the authorities. Your neighbours are too loud - call the police - go online and shame them - what happened to knocking on their door and talking to them! I also think that we could do without all the judging. We are all parents, it's tough, we should support each other. 

[catt]

Aryastark, I think you did a good thing to take the time to ensure that the baby in question was safe. I personally feel that it was a risk to leave a baby in a car with the engine running and a risk not worth taking. Statistically, it may be unlikely that anything would happen, but is it ever worth taking a risk with children? I think not.
Sadly, as we know awful things have happened to children - not only when people have taken risks but there are enough famous cases of child abduction.

 When I was a young adult I earnt a bit of spare money looking after a 10 month old baby. I had to pop to the local shop for the family and the baby was asleep in her car seat. I made the judgement to leave her in the car (just outside the shop) and run in. I was gone for about 2 minutes. However, I instantly felt guilty and it played on my conscience for a long time after as I realised that I had taken a risk and with  someone else's child. Something I have never and would never do again. 

I understand the other argument about not judging people and a few people have mentioned the child could have been removed from it's mother. It takes an awful lot for that to actually happen generally and more likely an assessment would be made to see if the parent needed any support, if necessary. However, sadly there are cases when people do not notify the authorities for fear of meddling/being judgemental etc and serious harm has happened to a child. I have had regular safeguarding training as I work with children and young people and the advice has always been if you feel something is not quite right do not ignore it.

I understand why you called the police. The mother had not reappeared after you waited for a while and for all you knew something could have happened to her. The reaction from the police shows that it was justified too. However I also feel you have passed it over to them now and you should leave it at that. It is their concern now and you should feel pleased that you have done the best you can and leave it at that.

[Flambeau]

Excellent and thought provoking article pinkhorse.

I don't know whether I would have done the same as the OP.

But I would have thought that the person was clearly irresponsible  and not been impressed by this lack of judgement or parenting choice.