dishonest about bursary application Post Reply

[saltandpepper]

I learned last week that a school mum friend of mine 'bent the rules' to fulfil the bursary requirements for her son to attend a local fee paying school.  Whilst I am not saying that they are flush with cash neither are we, but we are making sacrifices which at times feel quite tough. Do I say something or is that just mean as one way or another it will affect their son's schools place, not to mention our friendship.

[rubyonrails]

I think that I would have to say something. It is fraud and denying someone who has genuine need of a place. I don't necessarily think that the son will lose his place, I am sure that the school would want to protect him from his parents actions. With regards to your friendship, I am not sure that I would miss being friends with a person who could behave like this.

[London12345]

How do you know she was dishonest? Maybe she is just saving face and doesn't want to admit her financial / other issues to you.

Does her son getting a bursary impact on you in any way? How can you compare the sacrifices of one family to another, none of us really know how any other families live.

And do you not think the schools are aware of these issues, I imagine they must have due process in place to make decisions.

Finally, if this isn't impacting on you directly, I'm not sure why you need to get involved with the school.

If you don't agree with what she has done, why not just tell her straight out?

[saltandpepper]

Yes of course you are right, what people say that they do and what they do could be different.
However she did tell me what they did and I don't have any reason not to believe her, especially since she asked me not to mention to her husband that I knew.
No it doesn't affect me or my child.  I suppose I am feeling that our financial situations really aren't (don't seem to be) that different but they are getting a substantially reduced education and we aren't. Maybe I should just forget about it.

[London12345]

I don't know what to say. I'm just not sure going to the school is going to be of any benefit to you.

Surely you will have to give your name and a statement perhaps?

And it is likely your families or your children's paths to will cross again in the future. If it's of no benefit to you or your child I'm not sure why you would get involved.

[parsleysong]

I'd tell the school, on the quiet, and let them decide what to do. I think that's all you can do really. Knowing how much effort goes into funding those subsidised places it's just not on that they go to kids whose parents bend the rules. There is also a non-British, non-EU family at our school who I am pretty sure have not just bent, but broken the rules: off-shore money and business, frequent flights, expensive jewellery and holidays and their kid is on a bursary but they can't have declared their actual wealth on the bursary application. Makes me crazy actually as there are kids who genuinely need these places, plus this family are never around at all those tedious money raising events to fund the bursaries. I think I've just convinced myself that I will tip off the school.

[Mimita]

I don't think this is about the deception but that you are perhaps envious that her son has been offered a place and a bursary. Although what she has done is wrong, I can't see how it affects you. I am not even sure it is a criminal offence. Before you go to the school, think about whether you want a child's education disrupted because of something his mother did. If they don't get the bursary, would your child get the bursary? I don't think so. At the end of the day, not only would you make enemies of that family but you will not benefit from the school's decision. So what would be the point of you going to the school about it?

[MMum]

It doesn't just have to be about whether it would affect you as an individual but also whether it would affect other families who could genuinely benefit from a bursary. I'm sure there are plenty families who would love to be able to send their children to the school but genuinely can't afford it so it doesn't seem fair that one child's parents are being given a huge discount so they can have luxuries that most people can't afford anyway. If you know for sure that they have been dishonest I would report it. Ideally I'd speak to your friend directly first and tell them you don't think what they have done is fair and explain why, maybe they just haven't considered the consequences for other people. Speaking directly about that topic is probably easier said than done though.

[dudette]

I would be extremely careful about saying anything. While what she did was wrong (maybe it was her husband’s idea and she feels guilty) she presumably told you confidentially and by telling the school you are breaking that trust with the potential consequence of her child having to leave the school as well as potentially causing huge problem for her marriage if her husband told her not to tell anyone. If she finds out it was you (and if you are the only person she’s told it won’t be tricky) then I think you’ll have made an enemy for life. It would be a big can of worms you’re opening up and it’s not like another kid’s life chances have been ruined - there are perfectly good state schools in this country. I can see why you’re annoyed and you have every right to be but I think you should keep quiet.

[NoodleFan]

Tricky one but I agree with dudette. If you value your friendship with this family, I would stay out of it (if not, then make an anonymous phone call).

Be prepared for some tongue-biting moments in the future though if they start talking about the achievements of their son - he must be bright to have got the bursary...

Good luck...

[Ratski]

Nothing new unfortunately, when I was at school pretty much every kid on an assisted place or bursary either had parents who ran their own business so could cook the books or wealthy divorcees. Then you had all the teachers kids who didn’t pay anything at all.

The two who did come from underprivileged backgrounds one dropped out just before his GCSEs never to be seen again and the other didn’t want to stay for sixth form because she didn’t like the suits we had to wear. She ended up working in a chocolate factory.

I do think part of the blame lies with the schools who often would prefer to take these children from a ‘well nurtured home’ who might have told a few fibs on the bursary form rather than some talented kid from a single parent family living in council tower block. Less risk and more chance of the place been used to its full potential.

But at the end of the day nobody likes a snitch and the politics of the envy has no place in public school, leave that for Marxists indoctrinating the kids at the state schools you are trying to avoid.

[Mamablu]

I think you should mind your own business personally.


If she's your "friend" like you say, you would have told her to her face instead of coming on a public forum asking for "advice".


Glad my friends aren't like you.

[Mamablu]

Nothing new unfortunately, when I was at school pretty much every kid on an assisted place or bursary either had parents who ran their own business so could cook the books or wealthy divorcees. Then you had all the teachers kids who didn’t pay anything at all.

The two who did come from underprivileged backgrounds one dropped out just before his GCSEs never to be seen again and the other didn’t want to stay for sixth form because she didn’t like the suits we had to wear. She ended up working in a chocolate factory.

I do think part of the blame lies with the schools who often would prefer to take these children from a ‘well nurtured home’ who might have told a few fibs on the bursary form rather than some talented kid from a single parent family living in council tower block. Less risk and more chance of the place been used to its full potential.

But at the end of the day nobody likes a snitch and the politics of the envy has no place in public school, leave that for Marxists indoctrinating the kids at the state schools you are trying to avoid.

Completely agree with all the above. Well done for putting it so eloquently better than me.

[parsleysong]

It's potentially fraud, if not, completely immoral because taking the place of a kid who could actually do with that place (even if sadly they decide not to use the opportunity as in Ratski's examples) and a huge amount of effort goes into funding those bursaries. If you turn a blind eye to fraud as some on here are suggesting then what else would you turn a blind eye too? 

As for friendship - is that the sort of friend you really want, one that rips off the system? 

I can't work out why envy is being mentioned here either. Envy of having the low morals it would take to rip off the system while your friends are paying full fees?

True, nobody likes a snitch, so do it anonymously. A fraudster is beyond the pale compared to a snitch.

[windmill26]

Ratski "leave that for Marxists indoctrinating the kids at the state schools you are trying to avoid."

Snobby much?