INVITED GUEST HAS ASKED IF HER DAUGHTERS BOYFRIEND CAN COME TOO Post Reply

[K1999]

I have booked a holiday and have invited a friend and her children to come too. I have paid for a slightly larger place than I would have normally, and I am paying for the whole accommodation myself.

My friend has now asked if her daughter’s boyfriend can come too. I had booked this as a one-off as it may well be the one and only time we will be able to do this, as I do not know if I will have enough funds to do it again.

Personally I feel this is rather rude, as if I was invited on a holiday with my teenagers, I would never dream of asking if I could bring my daughters boyfriend (and by the way, he’s not been invited on this holiday either).

It has caused a bit of a rift and even though I have said no, I am now feeling a bit wary of my friend as she got quite pushy when I said no.

Does anyone else agree that it is very rude, and any advice as to how to proceed?

[MVM]

your friend sounds quite entitled I'm sorry to say.

Does she know YOUR daughter's bf is not invited? It should be all the more reason for her to back off.

awkward situation but if you are good friends be honest and tell her this is very awkward and you don't want the atmosphere at the villa to be negative.

To be frank if my friend was kind enough to take me on holiday I'd be focussed on thinking of ways to make it up to her e.g. cook everyone a nice meal all by myself or send her to the spa etc...

[windmill26]

Teenagers go on holiday with boyfriends/girlfriends? How times have changed! I feel ancient
Anyway,I agree with MVM response.

[Londontownlady]

What a lovely thing for you to do... cheeky of your friend to have suggested it in the first place, maybe she is getting pressured from her daughter or maybe it could be as simple as in if you don’t ask you don’t get situation. Although being pushy is quite rude, she shouldn’t be doing that. From your perspective I wouldn’t feel guilty about it, hopefully it will all be forgotten soon and this won’t impact the holiday. If she carries on mentioning it I would be tempted to have a conversation before the holiday. Good luck!

[Needcoffeenow]

Interesting. Have you asked your daughter if her friend wants to bring her boyfriend? Does she know your daughter’s boyfriend isn’t coming along? Or is the friend’s mother trying to help out the boyfriend’s parents for some reason do you think? Parents seem to behave quite badly in these situations. On two occasions children’s friends’s parents invited them on holiday without discussing it with me and presented me with bill for hundreds of pounds. The second time I found (by checking actual costs online) that I was subsidising another parent.

[NoodleFan]

How rude!
How old are these girls?
And is your friend the sort of parent who can’t say no?
Should be quite easy to justify by the fact you aren’t inviting your daughter’s boyfriend.
Have a lovely holiday - hopefully at worst you’ll have a sulky teenager for the first few days.

[lorra]

It's cheeky of her to ask in the first place and to be pushy when told no, is really out of order. My friend's grandparents used to make a big Xmas dinner with a couple of turkeys from their farm which I thought was very kind as they'd cater for a lot of people and their partners, kids etc. They were also very generous to send everyone off with a box of leftovers, only leaving a bit for themselves to enjoy as sandwiches without having to cook over the next day or so. SO I was horrified to witness one of their nieces, who was married with no kdis, wealthy and in her 40s, notice there was some meat still left over after and ask if she could take it for her pet as well. And got a bit funny when someone said they've been generous enough, don't push it. I was fuming she made them feel awkward after all their kindness. My point is, some people will take the mick if you let them. Say that if the boyf comes, you will have to extend the invite to daughter's boyfriend. husband's niece, etc. etc. or it will cause offense and you need to keep the group small. Be nice but have the attitude in your head that she can take it or leave it. Don't get angry or be provoked, as she will look for you to do that so you feel guilty and eventually relent. 

[betsyboop]

I would prepare myself to invite another friend, more deserving or more grateful, rather than continue in that awkward situation that undoubtly will pollute your holiday, your enjoyment or your relationship with your daughter.

[juliantenniscoach]

I would prepare myself to invite another friend, more deserving or more grateful, rather than continue in that awkward situation that undoubtly will pollute your holiday, your enjoyment or your relationship with your daughter.

Bold but a good call!

[firsttimerSW11]

I would be inclined to her to say that the accommodation is suitable for 6 people only (or however many you are) and that that is precisely why you haven't allowed your daughter to bring her boyfriend and that you'd rather the holiday stays as just the 6 of you. You could add that her daughter and the boyfriend are very welcome to get their own accommodation.
At the end of the day, you have paid for the accommodation. You don't have to be rude, but be firm. Pushy people will always push so it's up to you to be firm.

(She is what the mumsnet brigade would call a "CF")

[NoodleFan]

What have you decided to do - please let us know...

[K1999]

Thank you all for your comments. He didn’t come in the end. My friend did ask me again even though we had agreed it was no the first time. I then said it was up to her, and they then decided he wouldn’t come, but (wait for it) whilst we were away, the daughter asked me again and I said OK but he decided not to come as he felt it would be too awkward. I decided to not make it an issue as it would have been uncomfortable to go on holiday with everyone, and made my peace with it, but I won’t be asking them on holiday again, or at least I won’t be paying, she will have to pay for half. Still rather amazed that they invited him in the first place, but it just goes to show that we don’t all see things the same way.

[ComedyGuy]

You did everything right. After all, the festival has a limited number of places, and no one knows the daughter of that daughter. And will he be interested in spending the day with strangers? These are not children who can spend time together, joke and have fun, they are teenagers. There really are no jokes for kids or entertainment to raise their spirits. (If you wnat to find some jokes for kids, I recommend yo try JokesFan).
Anyway, the answer if yes, and why? You know him? - Not.
Here is your correct answer. - Not.