Grandma's funeral Post Reply

[gemima]

Hello,

Has anyone had experience of bringing a six year old to Grandma's funeral?

We are thinking of it but are not quite sure.  She will be the only little one around.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated.



 

[Shopgirl]

I’m sorry for your loss. While no personal experience, as my little girl is just 2, from my teaching days we would often get asked this question. So if it helps to know we would say that at this age a funeral can be very daunting and not easy to understand. Also the thought of burial/cremation can be terrifying to children. It is often better not to take your child to the funeral but instead to have a special Grandma day - that might include, making a memory book, visiting a special place, enjoying her favourite food, sending a balloon up to the stars for her etc. There are also lots of excellent children’s books to cover this topic. One great one is Goodbye Mog by Judith Kerr - it could be a good starting point. I had many parents take this option and all that did said it was the right choice for them. Of course, you know your child best and I’m certain you will make the right decision. Hope that helps x

[gemima]

Thank you v much - most helpful.

[3littlemonkeys]

Sorry for your loss.
We have always taken our children to family funerals. The youngest being 4 at the time of the last funeral. They have even been given things to do in the service (read etc). Truthfully, we have had nothing negative to say. They got a chance to say goodbye to somebody they loved, got the chance to see a parent upset (which I think is also important at times - we're only human and they need to know that you will be sad when somebody dies but you will also be ok), understood that life does end but it can also be celebrated with a beautiful service. I have no regrets at all and there has been no repercussions afterwards either. They will ask the usual children questions but I think if you're open and honest, they seem to process everything without too much drama. I have to say, they have had close relationships with those who have died so maybe that makes a difference? 

[gemima]

Thank you - also most helpful. 

[yogidoulamama]

I am really sorry for your loss.
In our family we have decided long time ago that we will explain life and death as it is to our children. I truly believe that children should not develop additional anxiety about death and start accepting it as being part of life. My daughter attended funeral of both of her great grandparents when she was just four year old. Later on, both of my children aged six and nine at the time attended the funeral of their grandpa. They are aged 11 and 14 now and they both say that it gave them closure and ability to say good bye through collective mourning. We have clearly explained what is happening and by seeing the process from start to finish they had less questions that would have been otherwise. 
Of course best to judge how your child will feel about it and at six maybe ask them directly but I am sure you will take the right decision for your family.

[Janet14]

We took our children, eldest was 6, youngest was 3. We left the 3 year old outside (with someone!) for practical reasons but the 6 year old came in. Personally I think children are much more black and white than adults and deal with things like that much better than the adults - they just accepted that death is sadly part of life and also think it’s important they aren’t shielded from these things...

[Beabumble]

Sorry for your loss,
Personally I was seven when I attended my grandma’s funeral, indeed I was the youngest one then however I think it was very beneficial for me to attend as is it enabled me to have closure. I was also given things to do in the service which made it all the more special for me. My cousins were forbidden to attend by their parents which I remember thinking was very unfair and they still hold this against their parents to this day.

[sarah.johnson]

My sincere condolences to you.  I confess I have nothing to add to the very good advice you are receiving from others.  

Please please don't send a balloon up to the stars though - just adds to the littering problem and even worse causes a hazard to wildlife.  

Wishing you all the best.

[fuzzyhair]

My condolences too.

When my mother died, the vicar conducting her funeral advised us to bring our daughter (who absolutely adored her granny) to the service. She was 5 at the time, and sat with a family friend and some sticker books. It was all fine.  It is, after all, a part of life that we can't avoid.

Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley is another lovely book for children about losing older loved ones.

[gemima]

Hi everyone, thank you all for your very kind help. The funeral is today and we’ve decided to take her. Your comments have helped us to reinforce our decision. Enormous help. Thank you again.

[mum_1980]

So sorry for your loss gemima. I took my sons, 5 and 2.5 to my father's funeral. I strongly believe that they should understand life and death and they absolutely loved my father so it was important for me that they were there.

To be honest, the service was long and so I had to give them the iPhones on silent of course (they are kids after all), but they were there when we buried my dad, they heard me say a few words and they were surrounded by friends and family saying lovely things about their grandad.

They asked me loads of questions and they do till this day about what does grandad look like now, is he a skeleton and actually they make us smile and remember him in a good way. My kids often point out when we pass cemeteries that dead people are in there and we talk about how they continue to live in loved ones' hearts and memories.

It was the best thing I did and actually it also helped incredibly for my mum and other family members to have the kids there, playing in their innocence. Someone on this thread also recommended books and I think that's lovely. We didn't read any books but we talked about my dad and still do - I think if they hadn't gone to the funeral or seen me grieve, they probably would not have comprehended it and would not continue to talk about him to this day three years later. Your daughter is six, I reckon she'd like to be included and spoken to to help her get her head around her loss too.

Good luck today, the sun is smiling down on you all and I hope you can heal together as a family and remember all the happy memories.

[dudette]

I hope everything goes ok today. I just wanted to add really for anyone else reading this that a distant cousin of mine brought her baby to my mother’s funeral. Inevitably the baby started crying and she didn’t have the sense to take it out. It was very distracting and made me very cross (although I didn’t say anything). Please don’t take babies to funerals.