Man on Bus Post Reply

[PleaseTellKids]

Hi

Last week my daughter was on the 319 bus with her friend, coming home from school (4.15ish). A man started talking to her. At first it sounded innocent; what school do you go to; the uniform is smart etc.. Then he started asking what year she was in. Although very uncomfortable, she replied “year 8” because she didn’t want to be rude. And lastly he asked whether that meant she was 16 or not... (she is 12!).

Luckily one of her teachers was on the bus and was watching this interaction. At this point he stepped in, introduced himself and told the man to stop talking to her. The man apologised and stopped.

My daughter was visibly shaking when she got home and was telling me about it.
I logged a report with the Met and they rang me the next day. They’ve said it will be logged as an incident so that it can be referred to if needed in the future, but as he didn’t actually do anything, that’s all they can do. This was more than I expected so I’m pleased it is on their radar.

I wanted to post this to say please tell your children that if a stranger starts talking to them - not just to ask the time, but if if starts to feel weird - then it is ok to ignore them, and then to tell someone. I’ve told my daughter to get her phone out and call me straight away (clearly another risk with all the muggings but this one trumped it), or to start talking to a nearby woman (not easy to do I admit).

The man was described (by the teacher) as around 50, clean-shaven and wearing a suit. Which would possibly encourage a child to reply out of respect.

Thanks for reading.

[Annabel (admin)]

Hi PleaseTellTheKids, thank you for sharing. We will pass on in our Monday email.

I hope that your daughter is ok?

A x

[PleaseTellKids]

Thanks Annabel - she was a bit nervous the day after but she seems ok now x

[chorister]

And to any adult on a bus or tube who sees or suspects this sort of thing is happening - intervene.  If it is innocent, then the person concerned will understand.  If not, you may prevent a tragedy.

[monaco]

That is concerning ad it is the fourth incident like this that i hear about in the past 3 weeks.
One involved my daughter who was asked by a « Grey hair, tall, a bit of a tummy, wearing a smart coat » man on her train back from school where she was coming from etc. He got off at Clapham Junction

The other two incidents happened to her friends either on the bus or train. They are all in y8

I said the same as you to my daughter. A grownup man has no business adressing a 13y old girl in public transport. This is too suspicious.

I agree we need to warn them. And i hope this is not the same guy each time as it would be really concerning.

[dimelda]

I'm not at all surprised that this girl was chatted up on the bus.  If she was wearng a school uniform, generally with a short skirt (& sometimes loose tie with shirt unbuttoned at the top), it's a paedophile's dream.  Perhaps some of the more enlightened parents - if there are any - could suggest to the school Governors & Head that the kids be allowed to wear trousers or jeans ...  & ultimately abolish the archaic British practice of obligatory school uniforms which, despite all the promotional nonsense in their support, is in fact about control only.  At a stroke, the number of sexual chat-ups & assaults on schoolgirls (particularly in buses & at bus stops) would be fewer.

[mrsbfrombalham]

dimelda nice piece of victim shaming you are doing there. If we follow your view, women should clearly not be allowed out - just in case some rapist decides to take action.
Re-read your post - it's appalling

[swstepford]

Well said mrsbfrombalham!  My daughter travels on the 319 too so i will be arming her with the general  information shared from the original post and reinforcing that she doesn't have to talk to someone who makes her feel uncomfortable whatever she is wearing!  Also as seen on Friday at London Bridge MOST of the general public are decent and will help people so she should feel free to engage other adults in conversation /ask for help if needed...

[SouthLondonDaddy]

Sorry to hear that, OP.

Thinking about that, I wonder what the best response from another adult (beyond telling the man to back off and shut up) would be.
You can't offer to walk the child home, that would come across as dodgy.
Tell the child to call her mum, maybe offer your mobile to do it if she doesn't have one?
If it's on a train, you could maybe offer to take the child to the station staff and leave her with them, but on a bus?
Not sure you can call 999 over something like this.


Thoughts?
 

[juliantenniscoach]

dimelda nice piece of victim shaming you are doing there. If we follow your view, women should clearly not be allowed out - just in case some rapist decides to take action.
Re-read your post - it's appalling

Nail firmly hit on head.

[dimelda]

TO: MRSBFROMBALHAM, COPY JULIAN THE TENNIS COACH
 The subject is girls in school uniforms, not women in general.  Did my post say I blame the victim?  No.  but I’m certainly blaming a system which forces schoolgirls to wear school uniforms which includes a skirt.  Definitely not the only factor behind sexual harassment in public, but certainly a contributing factor:  possibly the largest.  You seem not to want to believe it but look at the facts, of which you’re clearly unaware.  I’d refer you to the press websites of 8 Oct 2018 (BBC, Independent, Sky, Express etc.) & you’ll read shocking figures.  35% of girls in the UK have been sexually harassed in public while wearing school uniform (revealed following a report by a girls rights’ charity.)  Touched, groped, grabbed, upskirted, stared at, followed, filmed, cat-called etc.   I’m concerned about children’s safety & every issue relating to this insidious behaviour needs to be addressed.  I am suggesting something which to many people is obvious. The evidence shows that young girls in school uniform are an attraction to the weird & perverted in our society, who sadly exist.  They are not going away. Why therefore put one’s children at risk? But …  if you support school uniforms, you could tell a French, or German, or schoolgirl from another European nation that, like the British, they should be wearing school uniforms ….& see what they have to say to you.  I’d advise you to stand well away. 

[SouthLondonDaddy]

But can you realistically conclude that British schoolgirls are more at risk than their European cousins, and that this is because of the uniform and not because of other factors? If we want to include incidents like this one, I am not sure reliable data exists, and, even if it did, how would you normalise for all the other factors (eg maybe one country has more perverts than others, maybe one country has tougher, more effective laws, maybe one country offers better mental health help, etc).

Can you realistically conclude that the uniform was what triggered that gentleman, and that he would not have approached the child had she been dressed differently?

[monaco]

I agree with SouthLondonDaddy that a change of uniform will likely not stop those people. Better to teach our girls that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable, that they should defend themselves, find a way to deal with it when it happens (ignoring them, reporting them, asking another trusted adult nearby to help, shaming them), and that they are confident young women who don't deserve that kind of treatment.
We can't remove all the risks they will face in life, nor do we know all the triggers, but we can instill in them a sense of pride in their sex and assurance that will help them navigate those treachery waters.

For info, both me and my sister are French and got some verbal sexual abuse or even men exposing themselves to us when we were teenagers.  And we didn't wear a uniform!

[juliantenniscoach]

I used to be a Policeman in London for 8.5 years and dealt with the full range of sexual crimes from indecent exposure, rape inc children and incest.  Horrible really but every time it comes down to the warped mind of the individual(s) not some benign clothing acting as an uncontrollable trigger point. School uniform had nothing to do with any of it. 

I can only agree with monaco's post above in that we have to educate and support the young people in our lives not to accept this type of behaviour.

[juliantenniscoach]

Sorry to hear that, OP.

Thinking about that, I wonder what the best response from another adult (beyond telling the man to back off and shut up) would be.
You can't offer to walk the child home, that would come across as dodgy.
Tell the child to call her mum, maybe offer your mobile to do it if she doesn't have one?
If it's on a train, you could maybe offer to take the child to the station staff and leave her with them, but on a bus?
Not sure you can call 999 over something like this.


Thoughts?
 

Report to the driver for starters, he's responsible for the safety of his passengers and have guidelines to follow in these cases.  That may or may not involve calling the Police.  Offering your mobile phone is an excellent idea and you could if necessary, escort the person (ideally in company) to a place of safety if you felt so required.  If it was my daughter I would thank you for any of those actions.