expensive present requests from family Post Reply

[Ebonizer]

As with most families we exchange gifts with our siblings and their offspring at Xmas. As the children are getting a bit older, most are early teen years I thought best to ask if they had any requests. I am astounded by the cost of some of the requests, especially from my husbands side of the family. Jo Malone perfume, Victoria Secrets silk pyjama set, Ralph Lauren Hoodie. Our gifts are usually around the £50 mark (which  think generous in any case). 

I am surprised that my SIL has forwarded these requests. If the reverse happened I would ask my two to be more modest. 

Not sure what to do now. Speak to my SIL? Buy things they didn't ask for? Am I being mean. Is this the bar for presents these days? 

[chorister]

Send £50 per head to charity (Glassdoor is a wonderful local one looking after the homeless) and tell them that you thought that best solution.  Put them in touch with the charity you choose and suggest that they support it and preferably volunteer for it during 2020.

[muddyboots]

Asking for suggestions for presents doesn’t not imply an obligation. Buy what you feel is appropriate in terms of cost.
I do agree your SIL should have had some manners and not forward such extravagant request especially if not the kind of presents you exchange.
I’ve had similar issues, so I just stopped asking. People can get their own cashmere as far as I’m concerned. I do fancy gifts with immediate family only.

[muddyboots]

Ps, chorister, you cannot be serious?
Giving to charity should he in your own name only not as “gifts” to others unless specifically expressed a wish for this.

[chorister]

Muddyboots - I'm absolutely serious.  Have you never come across friends who say that instead of giving presents or sending cards they are going to donate to charity?  IMHO the whole Christmas present giving etc is grotesquely out of control.

[windmill26]

We stopped all this nonsense years ago! We just buy gifts for our son and my husband and I get a small token for each other or something "big" (more expensive) for the house if needed.My advice to you is make this the last year you ask for suggestions and instead of buying the gift they "suggested" just buy a gift card for the value you feel comfortable with from the shop the present should come from . They can get what they want during the sales after Christmas and if the gift voucher value doesn't cover the price of what they want they can fork out for the rest ...hopefully this will also teach them a valuable lesson!
 

[muddyboots]

Chorister,
Yes I’ve heard of this, I’m referring to the topic of teenager making a wishlist...not sure a charity donation will go down that well.
I also personally think that if people want donate to charity they should, but lame to donate and call it a present for someone else.

[Abbevilleteacher]

I think Windmill’s idea of a voucher from each of their chosen shops is a really good idea.

[chorister]

Muddyboots:  I'm sure you are right that a gift to charity would not go down well, but they may in future come to see it as a good lesson, especially if it was accompanied by a very small token personal gift.

Re giving to charity on behalf of someone else - well it happens, and not just in this context.  Have you never been to a funeral at which you have been asked to give to charity instead of buy flowers?

[Ebonizer]

Thanks for all of your suggestions everyone. And for reassuring me that I wasn't being really mean in thinking that these requests were outlandish. I think that I may go down the voucher route as suggested and possibly caveat my request next yer with a limit. 

I am still a bit taken aback by my SIL. I would have challenged these requests for sure.

Have lovely weekends.

[GigiBuffon]

Am I right in thinking these present requests are all from their teenagers?

I think a word with your SIL is a good idea, to tell her that you haven’t bought as major presents for each other in the past and wouldn’t expect her to do so for your kids in future.

These are all presents of the “what to give the person who has everything” variety and board/video games, books, affordable clothes are the type of thing I would ask for as / give to a teenager.

Somewhat shocked that your SIL would pass list on in this form!

[GigiBuffon]

PS. How is it that men so often escape this heavy lifting, at Christmas and other times, even when it involves their own families? Wild generalisation, I know, but is a question borne out of genuine curiosity. Will the emotional stuff always be borne by women or will we (you) expect / bring up our own sons to front up and do more?

[Kirstie’s Mom]

I am fairly generous gift giver but I agree those Gifts are in the £120 plus range each which I do think is expensive for non immediate families and when there are more than one person to buy for. I either would just be honest and explain because Buying Presents that they don’t want but in you’re price range maybe tantamount to throwing your money away .
The only other suggestion might be to buy something similar in the requested brand eg Jo Malone candle or soaps are around £50 and RL you can probably now get on sale for 50% off or vis Bicester - they have a website .

[Mivana]

If I was in your shoes, I would be honest and tell my SIL that the gifts requested are, all, way above the budget you allocate for the occasion (surely if this is not the first time you exchange Christmas gifts with each other she/they must know......?) and requests alternative (more appropriate) present wishes.
I would mention too that your maximum budget is £50, which for nieces/nephews is VERY generous in my mind (also for brothers/sisters!).
That way you don’t run the risk of a repeat next year........
We use (have done for years) Amazon Wish Lists in the Family for gifting, which is very convenient and practical.
Gift choice prices start from a few pounds upwards allowing for most budgets. . . . .
Good Luck and Happy Christmas.

[TwinsMama]

Hi! First, I totally agree £50 per person is very generous of you! My first thought when I read your ask is any chance they are American/lived there recently -- as I literally just bought all three of these items over Black Friday weekend as gifts! (We are US expats with all our family in the States). They retaIl in the States for just around £50 with the current conversion rate but they retail for much more when bought in the UK! Definitely think the best way to go is gift vouchers tho- most of my nieces and nephews get Amazon ones every year from us and are always grateful for them!