is it reasonable to ask teenagers to isolate so grandparents can visit? Post Reply

[storm35]

I think only you can make that decision based on the relationship with your in laws. My own parents are desperate to come down to spend Xmas with my kids having not seen them since August, but understandably really nervous given they live in a really small town and have pretty much self isolated again the last 4 weeks (they dont have room for us to go there).
(Btw, did anyone see how heaving Northcote was on Saturday with drinkers? This was during a supposed lockdown)
The first conversation with my mum seemed pretty aggressive also as she firmly told me we can see friends when they've left and there will be no trips to the pub. After my initial reaction of being told what to do by your mum at 50, I realised it came from nervousness and fright and not because she is trying to tell me how to lead my life. This year is different. I'd much rather not go to the pub, make them feel safe and feel I did all I can to shield them whilst they see the grandkids.

[AbbevilleMummy]

I don’t think there is a compromise by asking your kids to be careful for a few days, viruses don’t respect compromises!

I’ve had to have difficult conversations with both sets of grandparents. I don’t want to bear the risk of them catching Covid over Christmas by spending time with us. Especially when a vaccine is round the corner. I have promised them that that can spend plenty of time with us all in the new year once they’ve been vaccinated.

[MagnoliaMum]

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable here. However the problem is the difference in perception of risk and what sort of isolating your parents in law expect. They may not feel secure unless you do the full test and trace-style isolating, if they've got used to that restrictive way of life, however your teens may think they're being careful if they keep the window open when seeing friends, as they're with them all day at school anyway.

I think it is critical to manage expectations well in advance of Xmas. To stop yourself being the middleman (and potentially the scapegoat), I would recommend that you arrange a family Zoom call, including your teenagers. Say to your in laws that you'd be delighted to have them, but just need the whole family to know exactly what is expected. Then you can have a full discussion about it. Get them to explain precisely what level and length of isolation (can you go to the shops, for example) and whether testing would be a partial solution (do your research first as to when slots are available). Maybe your kids will buy into it - then that's great, you won't need to police them. Or maybe your kids will protest and your in laws will realise it's too big an imposition, so it's better to wait till they can visit more safely.

We did that last weekend. When my in laws realised that my sons would have to miss more school to isolate properly (they wanted 2 weeks), they decided that it was not worth the sacrifice and we will celebrate together next year when they have had the vaccine.
Good luck!

[seabel]

I'm in the 'unreasonable request' camp. Whilst I understand that your in laws may very well be nervous, they shouldn't impose their concerns on you and definitely not your kids who have suffered enough. Unless of course your kids don't mind, you should run it by them.
If they feel nervous about the whole thing - the more practical thing to do would be for them to stay at home, wait for their vaccinations and have a big family gathering in the new year. 
As a parent of two kids, if I said they had to self isolate before Christmas, I would have two very unhappy children. Have a big zoom catch up over a bottle of fizz and meet in the new year.
Good luck whatever you do!