How do I stop my MIL coming to stay for 3 months? Post Reply

[coralreef]

Hoping that any expats on this site might be able to offer some advice. My husband and I have been in London for nearly 7 years and have twins who are rising 3 this year. Prior to COVID both sets of parents visited each year for 3 or 4 weeks. Mine were helpful especially with the twins and made sure to give us our space. My MIL however was the opposite, arrived tired, looking froward to her holiday and wanting to be waited on hand and foot. She has just announced this week that she is planning a 3 month trip at the end of the year over Xmas.

I am in the 'no way' camp, my husband obviously wants to accommodate and it's causing some unpleasantness. Fellow expats, daughter in laws, how do negotiate this? Do I have to grin and bear it or can I take a polite stand? I feel it is a recipe for disaster all round.

 

[coffeepod]

blimey Xmas woes already! 

[crashbang]

I sympathise. My sister is married to a kiwi and she has in laws who plan way ahead and come for the lengthy periods of time. She often laments that she should have heeded the advice of friends who told her to start as she meant to go on regarding long stay visits. I guess this is a re set of sorts, 3 months is a very long time. Not sure where your MIL is coming from but there is so much to get through before now and the end of year it might not even be viable for her to visit.  Vaccination passports, quarantine hotels and costs.  

[Ramaboo]

I suggest forcing your husband to suggest a compromise - either it's one month max, or you offer to find her a local airbnb.
I find it very odd that she would assume it acceptable to stay for so long (and my own mother lives in Aus)

Manage her expectations early before it goes any further. ie, don't have your husband nodding along politely when she mentions it, as she'll assume it's already agreed.

[ClaphamParent154]

I’d highly recommend paying up and getting an Airbnb for her. We did this and it worked out very well.

[wildatheart]

The only option is to speak up now while it's still far enough away.
I agree that 1 month (or 3 weeks) sounds ok and the rest in an Airbnb.

[stevehall]

I lived in Spain for 20 years. On the Med, La dolce Vita etc.....BUT both of us were working long hours and with regular travel across the country. 

It very very quickly became clear that we could have guests staying with us 52 weeks of the year. My ex came from a huge/enormous family with, l think, nine sets of cousins etc. The only way to save the situation was to say politely that we would put them in a local Airbnb and that we would be able meet up most evenings around 8pm. In almost every single case it worked well. We explained that normally they would not need a car but a friend had an agency so they could expect to pay a maximum of 100 euros a week. 

Sometimes we paid, often (especially the younger nieces) they volunteered (and even brought friends!) l have to say the arrangement worked well. We met up most evenings and they spent the days on the beach, in bed or sightseeing. We managed to work, they had fun. Nobody was embarrassed by their failings in English, French, Spanish, Swedish etc. Win-win. 

I am absolutely sure that your MiL will be much happier in a local BnB. Money? Pay, if necessary, it will be much cheaper than a divorce. 

Good luck. Tricky decision 

 

[stevehall]

I lived in Spain for 20 years. On the Med, La dolce Vita etc.....BUT both of us were working long hours and with regular travel across the country. 

It very very quickly became clear that we could have guests staying with us 52 weeks of the year. My ex came from a huge/enormous family with, l think, nine sets of cousins etc. The only way to save the situation was to say politely that we would put them in a local Airbnb and that we would be able meet up most evenings around 8pm. In almost every single case it worked well. We explained that normally they would not need a car but a friend had an agency so they could expect to pay a maximum of 100 euros a week. 

Sometimes we paid, often (especially the younger nieces) they volunteered (and even brought friends!) l have to say the arrangement worked well. We met up most evenings and they spent the days on the beach, in bed or sightseeing. We managed to work, they had fun. Nobody was embarrassed by their failings in English, French, Spanish, Swedish etc. Win-win. 

I am absolutely sure that your MiL will be much happier in a local BnB. Money? Pay, if necessary, it will be much cheaper than a divorce. 

Good luck. Tricky decision