Help incredibly noisy kids behind me and to the side of me Post Reply

[ParentsareSelfish]

Why is he a killjoy? Nobody forced the parents to push out the children. Youre probably like the rest of them, a selfish parent who thinks just because they made the choice to have kids that others should have to deal with the stuff that comes with them. How about if you have children learn to control them from being noisy so neighbours don't have to complain.

[ClorisLing]

Dear Jane: I sympathize with you wholeheartedly. The number of extremely rude and unhelpful responses you received illustrates the entitled and mannerless attitude of nuisance neighbors. There is no justification for abusive, irresponsible, neglectful parenting; leaving dogs and kids outside, unattended 12-16 hours per day, to terrorize an entire neighborhood with incessant barking and screaming. It is disturbing the peace, and it's against the law in most communities. Every citizen has the right to enjoy their home and yard, including the need to sleep, work, and live in peace.
Competent, educated adults are well aware the problem you are having is not due to innocent cherubs frolicking in the grove a couple times per day. It is the chronic destruction of property, and blood-curdling screaming and yelling for hours on end...every single day and night. Noise nuisance neighbors would be the first to have you arrested, should you ever cause THEM one hour of grief or sleep deprivation. Those who claim the tormented ones are being unreasonable, have obviously never suffered the very real mental anguish and physical distress caused by chronic disturbing noise. There is a reason why loud, nonstop noise torture was used on prisoners of war. Chronic, startling noises from nuisance neighbors have also caused heart attacks. Covid is no excuse, and frankly, should be all the more reason for the noisy narcissists to exercise manners of quiet consideration, while so many must focus on school and work from home. Kids can play at reasonable times, without screaming and vandalizing around the clock.
How about I dump my dogs and kids off (for just one day), outside your ailing grandma's home, or your place of business, and let them bang on the siding with hockey sticks, throw balls at the windows, hang from the the trees - snapping the limbs, ride bikes through the manicured lawn and trample the flowers, jump on top of cars, litter the grounds with food wrappers, play booming, vibrating music that shakes the artwork off the walls, scream outside the windows while you or Gma are attempting to sleep, study, work, have a conversation, eat a meal, or relax. The dogs and kids will defecate on the lawn whenever the urge hits, being sure to leave the hot steaming mess behind. The kids have been taught to never clean-up after themselves. Fair is fair - they're just sweet young kiddos. Why is it that lazy, vile people believe the rules of common decency and responsible behavior are for everyone else, but not them?

[nvmof3]

When my three children were younger, we had a neighbour next door but one who was like you. It made my life unbelievably stressful. My children were completely normal children who loved to play in our London garden, and made normal child like noises as they played. Probably a mixture of laughing, screaming, crying, shouting etc. I spent my life asking them to be quiet as I received regular notes and sarcastic comments from the elderly man. It took a huge toll on me. I took them to the park a lot, but of course they used our garden a lot too. It got to the point that I was constantly telling them off for just being children and could not enjoy that time with them at all. When I look back, I realise what a selfish man he was, as he never took into account the impact his actions had on me, whereas we were constantly aware of our actions on him and our children always felt that they were in trouble just for playing. Try to put yourself in the parents’ shoes before sending any more notes.

[ClaphamParent154]

Great post. I love the variety and intensity of responses here. I’m surprised no one has suggested you take up smoking to resolve the issue. It would be great to hear from a lawyer to see if they think the actions constitute an actionable nuisance.

[SouthLondonDaddy]

OP, how old is the new neighbours' son, and what do you mean he has the spotlight on at 10pm? Did you mean the stereo?

How old are the kids on the other side?

To be honest, from your message it is quite hard to understand if you are a neighbour from hell, or if they are. Give some context:

• assuming that it's a stereo and not a spotlight which is on, how loud is it and how often is it on at 10pm? Where in your house can you hear it from?
  
• What exactly are the other kids doing? If they are just laughing and giggling etc, then suck it up. If they are arguing and shouting loudly, playing with musical toys, banging pans on metal bars etc, then it's a different story.
  

[UghNoisyNeighbours]

Have set up new account as having problems logging in but been with NVN since 2009.
While kids can be noisy, to me this is normal household noise, although high pitched screaming can be a problem - mainly because it might be hard to distinguish if there is a genuine problem such as an accident. We were always told not to scream as kids for this reason.
I’m currently sat in my garden with noise cancelling headphones on to drown out the drinking games and music from tenants behind us.
These are new tenants so I’m hoping it’s just lockdown loosening sunny weekend excitement. Last tenants were a pain so huge relief when they left.
We are going to move this year as we’ve just had enough of it all now. Kids have left home so time for us to move on.

[Lich77]

I cannot believe the selfishness of parents and there offspring , where I live I’m surrounded by children and the noise is unbearable, it makes me so annoyed hearing of all these parents that just expect people to put up with that noise , I personally think parents of these young children usually are the worst kind of people the minute they have a child they think it gives them Some sort of power it’s a disgrace , I’m not sorry to admit , I do not like children and I do not like young people , people do not hear me why should I hear them

[ronangel]

If this is played harmlessly through a loudspeaker at high volume level (adults will not hear !)
the kids will go indoors or close windows as find very annoying to say the least.

Teen ringtone has two uses:
The High frequency tone cannot be heard by adults so if used as a ringtone at school the teacher will not know your phone is ringing.

The second Adult use is to play over public address system in shopping malls or supermarkets and other locations where groups of youths hang out from boredom or to make trouble. Adult shoppers will not notice the sound but it will be harmless and very annoying to young troublemakers who will leave the area. (burn .wav file on CD and set to repeat play when used)
Download here free from my site. Hope it is of use... switch off when their noise stops and on if it starts they will soon get it.
Direct links to download sound files to use.

www.ssrichardmontgomery.com/download/teenringtone.wav
or
www.ssrichardmontgomery.com/download/teenringtone.wav

 

[missraphaella]

Hi Jane, writing as a mum of 3 young children (2.5, 4, and 7) with a garden in Wandsworth. It's really disappointing to read some of the negative comments here, which simply highlight how selfish some people can be.

By that I mean both people with and without children. 

You only need to go to a public park like Wandsworth or Clapham Common to witness the sheer audacity of people who feel entitled to behave without any concern to their fellow citizens. Whether it is bringing their own music to blare loudly, or leaving their dogs unleashed to run up to others often when it is blatantly obvious when that frightens some people or simply rude, or leaving their rubbish behind, or parking in ways that take up two parking spots rather than one, the list goes on. I'm afraid the same lack of care towards others often is worse when they are in their own homes.

Although our children (like all) can be loud and noisy, we are very mindful of their behaviour and try to manage it by ensuring that weekends & holidays are planned as much as possible, with regular activities/outings to ensure they are stimulated and not just left to their own devices (pun intended) and bored at home. And when we are at home, I always keep an ear out and if they have become noisy for more than 5 mins or so, I firmly but gently remind them it's time to lower their volume, and suggest new activities. Our home is readily prepared with crafts boxes, activity 'zones', etc to ensure there is always something to do. That doesn't mean they're always going to be interested each time, and there are the times when they need to go for a walk or bike ride - or when they were toddlers, we took them out in the little 'harness' thing which allowed for safe free walking which always got loads of energy burnt.

What all of this does mean is that by the end of the weekend (Sunday evening) we're pretty exhausted ourselves. Keeping children, especially young ones, entertained and being mindful of their interactions in the context of a community, a neighbourhood, a street, its a fulltime endeavour. However, it was our choice to have children and we therefore think it is our responsibility to ensure our family plays its part in blending in as best as possible. 

Sadly, it is often clear we seem to be a minority with this approach. I don't mean to sound self-righteous with that statement. Not all but there are other families where it is clear the parents have no interest in participating with their children, who are left to roam around the gardens for hours on end without any supervision. Or in their homes when loud bangs/crashes and screaming can go on for hours. It isn't surprising to occasionally get a glimpse of the parents - almost always engrossed on their mobile phones without ever looking up. On many occasions I've seen such parents go back into their home when the noise gets too loud, so that they can continue whatever they are doing in peach, without any regard to the effect their brood continues to have on everyone else.

Sadly it sounds like wether you remain in London, or move to the countryside, it is luck of the draw as to which types of people you will surround yourself with in a community. I fear that with mobile devices becoming so dominant - and many parents seemingly addicted to them at all times without any self-awareness of their own habits (and in turn the example they are setting for their offspring) this sort of thing will only become worse. Rearing children is never easy, and requires a lot of effort especially if you want to do so whilst considering your neighbours - and sadly, many parents/carers seem disinterested in the actual work required. They have an entitlement mentality.

I think the only thing you can do are what has already been suggested; using white noise machines, use sound-cancelling headphones (Bose, Beats, etc). You could also consider investing in sound proofing any shared walls, either by moving furniture up against them or installing professional materials - if moving isn't an option. Wishing you the best of luck.

[Chugg]

You knew the score when you moved into your house. People like you blow my mind, it’s like the people who complain about the cars at pick up and drop off 🤣 you knew where the school was? Unless it was built after you moved in? In that case I’d suggest you move. Imagine expecting to tell a school to be quiet. I’m actually laughing out loud!!!!! It’s hilarious. Some people are honestly brilliant.

[ronangel]

Great post. I love the variety and intensity of responses here. I’m surprised no one has suggested you take up smoking to resolve the issue. It would be great to hear from a lawyer to see if they think the actions constitute an actionable nuisance.

 How on earth could suggesting taking up the disgusting habit of smoking  ( maybe you mean illigal substances?)
 possibly stop noise from next door? Would have to be a very thick cloud indeed. The problem is THEM not me sitting peacefully. Ask lawyer about the "Smoking" while you are at it.
 

[Anna1942]

Chocolate laced with rat poison works every time.

[Muvvatrukka]

I don’t think the OP is like that at all. I live in a rural area, very quiet until 11 years ago a family of 12 moved in. Every single night from 5pm they are either screaming, kicking balls at the fence , playing drums and trumpets . I work long hours as a lorry driver. I can honestly say that this is disturbing my sleep. If people can’t control their kids and show respect to their neighbours then they should be neutered like the dogs they act. The rest of us in the neighbourhood have filed so many complaints but the council do sod all!! Kids will be kids yes…. Let them have fun in the garden yes but after 8pm sod off with the noise. It’s ridiculous. Clearly the last poster hasn’t experienced this noise pollution day in and day out for years lol

[Anna1942]

Actually, I have experienced noise, criminal damage and absolute torture from a family who had been evicted from every house they had lived in, I was told by a police sgt, get a baseball bat, it’s all they understand, but I prefer the silent touch, gets them every time!

[supergirl]

Your right to privacy and respect stops where my right to privacy and respect starts. In other words my rights doesnt trump yours and vice versa.

^ this is a motto i try to abide by and teach my kids. So whilst they are kids and therefore noisy (too much for my liking), I constantly remind them that we have neighbours around who may not care (as much as I do… not ) about their games therefore to keep it down.
Yep, am CONSTANTLY reminding them but they live in a dense city therefore they have to learn the codes of what that mean.
They have a right to play and be loud - ish, but equally our neighbours have a right to quiet.

If we were all respectful and mindful of others kife would so much easier.

But as much as I think my kids are ace, i also believe they can be a right pain.

Kids need to learn that they are not the centre of the universe; they are only the centre of their parents universe.