Husband wants us to separate /divorce Post Reply

[Mum2Girlz]

https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid

You may be entitled to legal aid, you’ve been the victim of domestic violence and have the police report to back that up, you are also at risk of losing your home.
The citizens advice bureau is always a good place to start, please be sure that you know your rights and get the legal help that you need and may be able to get legal aid for.
Sorry if this is something your barrister has always discussed with you and you’re ineligible for (maybe due to your savings).
I’m not a family lawyer, this is just something I’ve been told.

[faybian]

Why was the non molestation order granted? What were the grounds? Do you have someone to support you and help you fight your corner? A friend or relative? You need to be able to talk to the police and argue your side of events otherwise they, and other people involved, will only hear his side of the story. Whatever is going on, he is obviously telling them his side of the story and painting a bad picture of you with the intention of getting you out of the house and making you lose custody. If he assaulted you and you did not assault him then it is very important that this is documented. I do not understand how he got the non molestation order granted against you? It sounds like he is trying to build a case in order to circumvent the divorce laws. 

[pattymy55]

Usually, the court is inclined to leave the children with their mother if there are no obstacles. I suggest you get a full-time job to prove in court that you can pay all the expenses and support the children. Also, your husband will have to pay child support.
I recommend that you hire a lawyer and prepare for the divorce process. A friend of mine worked with an attorney from https://temeculadivorce.com and got child custody.
I also recommend you be careful with your husband. He may want to discredit you to make you look like a bad mother in court.

[Hopefull]

Good morning. I am currently trying the agree finances with my husband. We have been separated since April 2021 and are now at the financial stage.  I have really struggled during this whole process. However, I wondered if any one could advise me as to how to proceed. We have just exchanged our third and final schedule of deficiencies. Form E is dated 22 March 2022 and I have disclosed all statements from a year before. My husband is now requesting statements going back to 2019. No reason has been given for this. Can I just decline?

[Vicki W]

Reading your posts you are being subject to coercive control which covers financial and legal abuse.  If you access Surviving Economic Abuse charity they have alot of information about financial/legal abuse.  I would also contact Women's Aid/Refuge and get an IDVA - independent domestic violence advocate to help you assess both your safety and that of your children.  If you havent got a domestic abuse specialist family law solicitor then seek one out if possible.  If not, there are Mackenzie friends that specialise in domestic abuse situations.  There are support groups on line such as thecourtsaid and mothersunited with lots of women in exactly the same situation - check out twitter or facebook for both of the above.

Coercive controllers are incredibly manipulative and lie almost like they breathe.  You really need legal/financial help that understands this.  If you need further information contact me directly and am happy to give you further contacts that might be helpful in your situation.

 

[Hopefull]

Thank you @Vicki W for responding. There is no doubt that there was coercive control in our marriage.  I have approached a number of charities. However, the situation is so complex they are unable to assist. I am at a loss as to where to turn now. I have not approached the last two charities you have mentioned and will do so. 
If there any family solicitors/barristers who might be able to give me advice please reach out to me.

[Kirstie’s Mom]

Please check with your lawyer but from recollection you can request info as far back as 5 years with financial disclosure . My divorce was over 13 years ago so I’m a bit fuzzy but I think that is the case . It doesn’t have to be spot on as long as you don’t exclude or hide any major asset .
any marriage over say 7 years ( again I can’t recall exact number) or so usually the division of assets is 50/50 .
Good luck , divorce is horrible and made more so if married to a psychopath as I was .

[Kirstie’s Mom]

Sorry just saw the cohesive control comment - that will have absolutely no influence on the financial outcome . My X was a psychopath who stole from me, took out a second mortgage in my name ( by forging it) stole and pawned my jewellry and lied extensively about his finances through out our marriage - we were still expected to split the assets 50/50 . I visited many Barristers when interviewing one for court and they all said the same thing ‘your husband’s a **** but he is entitled to half ‘ . I was the breadwinner . So cohesive anything will not change the financial split - just hope you get a good judge - I did and he deducted everything my husband stole etc so I ended paying around 25% .

[Vicki W]

Thank you @Vicki W for responding. There is no doubt that there was coercive control in our marriage.  I have approached a number of charities. However, the situation is so complex they are unable to assist. I am at a loss as to where to turn now. I have not approached the last two charities you have mentioned and will do so. 
If there any family solicitors/barristers who might be able to give me advice please reach out to me.

Rachel Horman Brown is very good but expensive as a solicitor, Dr Charlotte Proudman is excellent as a family barrister. As to the coercive control not being relevant to financial hearings, I agree that most judges do not take heed of it but they are meant to as part of their duty of care to domestic abuse victims including child victims.  If your looking for an IDVA then Sarah Taylor on twitter is excellent too.  Do not believe that judges normally leave children with mothers, I lost mine 5 years ago to an abuser who lied throughout the trial and despite 25 reports from very senior Domestic Abuse assessors stating 19 year history of abuse which child removal was part of, the judge allowed my child to remain with him after abuser cut all contact between me and her.  I haven't heard from her since. Read Ministry of Justice Harms of Family Court report as it is very clear that judges are openly flouting the law on how they are meant to deal with domestic abuse in favour of fathers.  Also, read up on Practise Directive 12j which lays out what is meant to happen re fact finding to resolve who did what.  I would also read statutory guidance from Domestic Abuse Act 2021 and updated coercive control statutory guidance April 2023 so that you can identify what behaviours are deemed abusive.  I don't say any of this to scare you but so that you can tool up as you are in a war by the sound of it and need appropriate support. Rights of Women are also very good but incredibly difficult to get hold of - it took me 90 phone calls back to back to speak to them. Very happy to speak to you direct if you can ask Nappy Valley to pass on your details to me and I'll phone you.  I probably won't have a magic wand but I have huge amounts of experience dealing with my own coercive controller so can help strategise where to get help and what you might need to get you through this.  
 

[Hopefull]

Thank you to both Kirstie's Mom and and Vicki W. I will try to DM you. 

[Hopefull]

Hello again, So things are moving forward and we have finally exchanged our final schedule of deficiencies. There is alot of non disclosure and undisclosed accounts. However, I am posting as I wondered if any one can help me? My husband has disclosed an HSBC letter which he claims is for a savings account. However, I dispute that  it is for the account that he is alleging. The only problem is I am unable to to find out any information about this account. So he has one HSBC account and at the bottom it states the account number and the words REGSAVER so I know this is HSBC 's regular saver account. The other one has the letters RASAv1 and the signatory is based in Malta. I think it could linked to HSBC's Advance account. I have searched HSBC here and HSBC in Malta unsuccessfully. I have spoken to HSBC here , however they are unable to give me any information due to the data protection rules whic h is quite frustrating. So I am wondering whether anyone here knows what the letters might stand for? The signatory specialises in Wealth management in Malta