how long do we put up with the classroom disruption before we say something? Post Reply

[iloveminirolls]

My son has another boy in his class that constantly messes around and takes up a lot of the teacher's time. I am just wondering how much disruption is normal and at what point do we step in and say that we are unhappy with the situation. He is in year 5 so an important year given that we will most likely enter him for 11+ next year. We decided to go down the independent route for smaller class sizes and to avoid situations like this. 

[grapefruit gin]

Not very long at all. Why should you? Boys tend to be less mature but regardless I wouldn't be very happy if there was constant disruption in my daughter's class. She's also in year 5, it is an important one.

[waltzer]

I always think a little tolerance in these situations is wise. They are only in year 5. Children are only just back to school, maybe he's just excited to be with his friends again? At least give it until half term before you wade in.

[Goldhawk]

Private or state?
 

[iloveminirolls]

Thanks for all of the replies.
It is an independent school Goldhawk. 

[Goldhawk]

Given you are paying for it I would complain now. 
 

[Bunnypigeon1]

I have no tolerance for things like this- a child is being disruptive and having a negative impact on your child’s education, it has to be sorted out ASAP. Especially in a private school, we are paying for things like this to be dealt with seamlessly.

[Ali4]

Speak with the teacher, don’t delay, explain your concern and listen to his/her response. I presume you have heard about this disruption rather than witnessed it first hand? It may be being dealt with already. Paying for education does not eradicate the ‘problem’ children. I’m surprised you thought that privileged people would have better behaved children.

[ronangel]

you dont.speak to teacher or head teacher and get it stopped straight away!

[Xela]

I think you should speak up as the child may have a disorder and the sooner it is addressed the better for all of the children in the class and the disruptor.

One of my children had an autistic disorder which wasn't picked up until he was 14! His logic was that as he wasn't doing well academically, then he may as well use the time to socialise. He did not, and still does not, in his forties, understand the finer points of social situations and interactions.

It is not fair on the other children or the disruptor for this to continue.

[Anon567]

I’m slightly horrified by the lack of empathy in some of the responses here.

If your child has cruised back into school post all the lockdown disruption, that is great but let’s not forget that for a lot of children - and in particular the most vulnerable ones - the “hokey cokey” approach to schooling over the last 18 months, has turned their worlds upside down. If a child had any sort of vulnerability previously - in which I include SEN such as dyslexia, ADHD etc - then the return to school can be frightening and traumatic. Different children will deal with this in different ways but all of them will need understanding and patience.

By all means, speak to your class teacher about how this is being handled in a sensitive way and how they are lessening any impact on other children. But try to bear in mind that if your child has returned happily, they will more than likely catch up with relative ease and it is only a few weeks into term.

Surely one thing we have learnt from the last 18 months is that we all have to be a bit kinder and more tolerant of others.

[Ex-Valley-Doll]

This is so agonising. We have the same problem — albeit we left Clapham a few years ago and live in Richmond now — at a local state primary that is otherwise brilliant & where the pastoral care is amazing. Still — it’s a nightmare. The child is clearly not malicious & his parents are completely blameless & can only imagine they’re struggling. Still — it’s just a nightmare. He’s autistic, shouts in the midst of lessons, talks to himself out loud, picks on one boy who’s quite sensitive & who can’t laugh it off, it’s “funny” but the boy comes home crying…. In short, it’s also Year 5, and social skills are seriously coming into play. You can’t move up in education (11+) without self-control, boundaries, discipline… nightmare. My heart bleeds for the teachers & the boy’s parents but part of me wishes there were a separate track for kids with genuine disorders.

[Bbkl]

‘Especially in a private school, we are paying for things like this to be dealt with seamlessly.’

Things like this? You’re talking about a child. Some horribly dehumanising language here.

‘part of me wishes there were a separate track for kids with genuine disorders.’

It’s astonishingly hard to get adequate support in mainstream education, whether private or state for an child with any kind of neurodevelopmental difference. And the government shows no interest in funding a ‘separate track’. Believe me, the impact on the rest of the class is negligible compared to the disadvantage experienced by a child in this situation.

A little more compassion and tolerance would not go amiss.

[Be kind]

I felt I had to respond to this.
You are already in a very fortunate position with smaller class sizes and an independent school.
I have been the parent of the child who despite being extremely bright also struggled with mental health issues and SEN over the years. I experienced parents complaining about my child over the years even requesting that my child miss school trips ‘in case’ anything happened that impacted their child’s experience. Do not be that parent, set an example to your child - who will most likely be fine. BUT Mental health can affect anyone and as pointed out we have just come out of lockdown and children will be impacted in many ways and some may need a little more time and understanding than others.
We all need to be a little more accepting, tolerant and understanding in these difficult times.
I have now experienced some awkward platitudes from some of those who clearly didn’t understand my child.
My child took their life during lockdown.
Be kind

[Ex-Valley-Doll]

I’m so so sorry to hear that. That’s utterly devastating. It is worth remembering that kids who desperately need routine have not had it — and that kids who need their peer group have not had it. All our social skills will be rusty, it’s a phase of re-entry. I’m so sorry for your loss. As the parent of a child without special needs, I really don’t know what you do to cope. Please, please, don’t take this amiss, but parents like us who have raised concerns are not just being chauvinist and insensitive. We had a birthday party for my son this past weekend at a place called Thames Young Mariners — we invited the boy who was diagnosed as autistic very young, and who has been a mate of my son’s. Here’s what happened — he was asked to pay attention to a safety briefing as we were all going kayaking. He ignored the instructor, make a racket, distracted all the other kids with a series of antics, and when she asked him for his name, gave a false one. A joke — but not so funny. She told him if he didn’t pipe down, she’s keep him on land. Fair enough. He quieted for a few minutes. We got into the water, one child fell out of his kayak. The disruptive child started hooting and shouting and laughing and batting at the child’s head with his paddle and actually tried to obstruct the instructor as she frantically paddled to reach the child who fell in. Again it was a game. But it wasn’t. All the others joined in as they felt it was funny. It wasn’t. Another mother and I were in the water and we helped with crowd control. Then there was a jump from a high dock. There was one boy who was a bit scared and who had to be coaxed to the edge. He stood there for about ten minutes debating whilst his mum and our instructor and another boy helped talk him through it. But the disruptive child climbed to the top of a hill, started kicking a ball at his head, crowing, and jumping up and down, inciting a whole hullabaloo. Other children told him to stop. Our instructor told him to stop. My husband told him to stop. Finally I marched up the hill, took the ball from him, marched him back down again, told him to sit on a bench, got down to eye level, and told him — loudly — to sit still and stay there. The shy boy finally made his jump but by this time he had already thrown himself on the ground sobbing and we all helped him back up. This was my son’s birthday party. Please understand, I am so sorry for your loss, I don’t know what you’re going through, but please, please try to understand we are desperately worried for our children too. For their safety, for their equilibrium. For their progress at school. I don’t know how his teachers cope. I don’t know how his parents cope. I don’t know how I would cope. But our concerns are not just the stuff of intolerance. They are genuine. I’m sorry for your loss.