Can we leave one family out of a group holiday? Post Reply

[belinda158]

Not sure how to play this. I have started planning for a group summer holiday with 3 other families. We have all holidayed together several times but this year two of the families have said that they don't want the 4th to be invited.  They both feel that the son in the family is too badly behaved and the parents don't do anything about it. Slightly awkward in that this family are our closest friends. I am just not sure that I can not invite them and I know that they would be so hurt to be left out. At the same time I do agree, it would be much more of a holiday if they didn't come. Not sure what I can do?

[chorister]

May be hand the planning over  to one of the other two families - just say you have done your bit, organising it all in the past .................

[Sheds]

Invite all of them, as you usually do and it is then on the other 2 families to say no if they don't wish to come, giving them the opportunity to come clean with the reason to your best friend if need be.  To say that they don't want the 4th to be invited puts the onus on you, and a complete cop out on their part.  Why should you be the one to cover for them?  Knowing it would hurt your best friend and still going ahead with what others want doesn't make any sense to me.  

[Scottov]

You can’t navigate it cleanly.

If you don’t want to have the conversation then it’s not going to happen

[AJ2012]

I agree with Sheds. Why are they dropping you in it? You don’t say how old the difficult child is but there may be some undiagnosed issue there, and the child and family are not going to get any better by being excluded. I actually think it’s really sh*t of the other families to want to leave your friends behind. Clearly not actual “friends” or at most fair weather ones. Let your conscience be your guide.

[Vicki W]

Why not suggest you all get together to talk through the issue and set some boundaries around kids behaviour? Is the son autistic or just badly behaved? If the latter,then your friends do need to sort this out as allowing their son to behave in an anti social manner is not good for others.  The two that don't want to come need to say this direct rather than getting you to set their concerns out.
 

[Jason M]

I agree with Vicki W point.  As adults the conversation could discussed in a relaxed environment over a coffee where all concerned could address it in a reminiscing way from previous holidays.  Now if the situation is as disrupted as they say the parent (s) involved will also acknowledge it were a solution can be met.  But to just leave them out would not address it but cause you another issue with your friend.   

 

[belinda158]

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I think that I am going to what some of you have suggested and speak to the two families who don't want the fourth to come along and tell them that I can't exclude someone. If one of them wants to take the lead so be it but if I am going to sort everything I will invite everyone.

There is a slight fly in the ointment in that my husband doesn't want to go if it just ends up being us and the family with the badly behaved son as he finds him equally annoying and not fun to be around. He is only happy to go with said family if others are going else he wants to go away on our own. 

I feel like I am in a washing machine, trying to please everyone and offend no one.

[chorister]

Your husband need either (1) to get involved in the decision and support and help you or (2) accept the outcome without complaining.

[waltzer]

I think that holidays are the trickiest of all to do in a group especially as children get older. On one hand I think if he is the son of a close friend then suck it up but on the other holidays are holidays and if it is you only holiday of the year I think that you deserve to be able to spend it how you like and with whom you like.

I did take on board one piece of advice a few years back, and I am not sure what sort of holiday you are planning but holidays that mean you can all do your own thing whilst you are there are often less stressful. So a Mark Warner where each person / family can get involved in their own activities and clubs means that you would be less exposed to one child and his behaviour as he might not be with you for a good deal of the time and to be honest might find his own group of friends. Just a thought.