SIL taken jewellery promised to my daughter Post Reply

[Road runner]

Not a fan of family bashing but I do have a situation that I feel in need of help with. It seems that my SIL has been 'playing the long game' with my MIL and is now in receipt of several items of her jewellery that we had been told would go to her granddaughter (my daughter) .. I asked her if she was looking after the rings and was told that she had been gifted them.

My husband has spoken to his brother but his brother feels his wife is a worthy recipient of said items . I am too cross for words but is there anything that we can do?

[chorister]

May be your MIL changed her mind, for any one of a number of reasons.  If that was her decision ie if she is in sound mind then I think you should respect it.

[muddyboots]

It’s not clear to me if you MIL is alive. If so, I would go to the source ask her even if a very delicate matter.

It makes sense to leave jewellery within the (direct) family, your SIL could divorce and it won’t be passed on.

If she’s not alive, unless you have anything in writing you have very little options.

Most importantly, it’s not worth falling out with family over this.
However annoyed you are.

[Mmmmmm]

If your mother in law is alive go straight to her and ask why she's had a change of mind?

Otherwise speak to both your brother and sister in law and say how upset you are. Its never good to seeth silently.

In both circumstances be honest, be open and then see what happens and then you can act accordingly.

Send you much love, you must be terribly hurt ❤️

[Greyskies]

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

If your MIL has died and had willed these items to your daughter, then your SIL is stealing if she keeps them.

If your MIL lacks capacity and has left a Power of Attorney for Property etc the person named on the P o A is responsible for ensuring that any property they dispose of is distributed according to your MIL’s wishes - but you would need to have proof that the items had been promised to your daughter.

Sadly many elderly people promise the same items to different people at different times. This may be as a result of failing memory, wanting to please everybody or because they are manipulative. I had an aunt who promised the same charm bracelet to at least eight people (family, friends, neighbours) all of whom were adamant that they should have it when she went into care. It was so bad we ended up selling it to a jeweller, putting the money towards her care fees and telling the list of potential recipients that they could buy it from the jeweller if they wanted it. Complete nightmare. 

[Road runner]

Thanks for your replies.

My MIL is alive it is more that my SIL 'acquired' the jewellery when she and my BIL took her to hospital and I think hospital must have suggested that they take her rings home. Since then they haven't left her hand.

I don't want to stress my MIL out and I can explain it all down the line to my daughter but as someone has pointed out it does seem way more ideal that theses things stay in the family, especially as that was what my MIL had said to my daughter.

My husband has spoken to his brother but he seems very unconcerned about it all and thinks that his wife is deserving as his niece. It is more that it wasn't what was intended and I think that she is being very underhand.

I will speak to my other half again and see if he thinks we should address with his mother.

Very much appreciate everyone's input. I just wanted to know that I wasn't going mad and was right to be irked.

[Sazz]

It's only stuff. I think just forget it. It doesn't matter. Your daughter will be none the worse off not having rings. It's your SIL problem, which makes her a weaker character. Move on. I'm speaking as a woman whose parents have died and have a husband whose parents have died. Stuff means nothing...my SILs all rowed and are miserable. My sis and I didn't and have a fab relationship. Stuff is irrelevant without the person that owns it. Step back, let her have it and enjoy your family. Honestly, let it go

[Road runner]

Thank you everyone and especially Sazz for replying to my message. You are right Sazz, this does say more abut her and it is only stuff. Maybe I am losing sight of what is important.

[chorister]

Road runner - yes, it's only stuff - and not worth wrecking your relationship with your SIL over either.  It's not clear from your description, but it sounds like your brother and his wife helped her by taking her to hospital and perhaps in other ways too.  May be she was just grateful, and thought showing her gratitude was more important than automatically passing jewellery down the family (though may be she loves your SIL and thinks of her as family ........).  Perhaps the whole episode does say something about your SIL - something positive.

[The Snack Thief]

I don’t know anything about your family history or your family dynamics, but I wouldn’t use the argument of “things staying in the family”: if your SIL is a loving daughter-in-law she IS family. And she might still be family to your MIL even if she ended up splitting from your BIL.
If you, on the other hand, you have reasons to believe she’s been manipulative then that’s another issue; I am also not sure I would want to risk a rift in the family over this, but I understand you being upset.
(If it helps putting things into perspective, I treasure my Grandma’s old mug and photos more than her jewels, and your daughter might find herself in the same situation!)

[The Snack Thief]

I don’t know anything about your family history or your family dynamics, but I wouldn’t use the argument of “things staying in the family”: if your SIL is a loving daughter-in-law she IS family. And she might still be family to your MIL even if she ended up splitting from your BIL.
If you, on the other hand, you have reasons to believe she’s been manipulative then that’s another issue; I am also not sure I would want to risk a rift in the family over this, but I understand you being upset.
(If it helps putting things into perspective, I treasure my Grandma’s old mug and photos more than her jewels, and your daughter might find herself in the same situation!)