After school nanny eating our food Post Reply

[Ginter]

We’ve always said to our after school nannies that she can help herself to food & drinks but only one really ever did.
As long as you communicate your expectation you should be able to solve the issue but if she’s good do you really want to create ill feelings over a bit of food ?! Seems petty.

[Ginter]

We’ve always said to our after school nannies that she can help herself to food & drinks but only one really ever did.
As long as you communicate your expectation you should be able to solve the issue but if she’s good do you really want to create ill feelings over a bit of food ?! Seems petty.

[Starr]

Maybe just provide some for her to and stop being so tight.
She's doing an important job, looking after YOUR kids and you care about providing a portion of pasta?

[2009Kat]

I’ve also always told nannies to help themselves and our current after school nanny menu plans and gives me a shopping list so never a misunderstanding about what’s for who. She also sometimes eats with the kids and I think that’s totally fine - costs me very little and if she eats it at least it should taste ok!
I would just talk to her about it and clear up what happened over the pasta. Your house your rules but if she’s good I wouldn’t make an issue about it for the sake of a bit of food.

[this_is_cat]

All the nannies I’ve employed have had standard nanny contracts as provided by nanny agencies and payroll companies, and they have all included some wording along the lines of:
“Whilst you are working, you will be entitled to prepare yourself no more than one meal per day using the food and facilities of the household. It would be expected that meals where possible are the same as those eaten by the child and eaten with him.”

So your nanny is doing exactly what is expected of her and perhaps you ought to be making sure there is enough food in the house?

Has she got a contract? Or are you planning to give her one?

[farfallinalush]

I’ve been a nanny for over 10 years and never brought any food with me.
Always cooked for the kids and me and eat with them.
Depending on working hours in the contract it states how many meals you can eat at the family house. Example for full time is max 2 meals per day and snacks.
Most of my families always told me that I could have breakfast there or anything I wanted but always only eaten lunch or dinner and snacks.
If a family told me to bring my own food I’d leave straight away to be honest.

[Mardygras]

Firstly, this is the internet. You cant post a question like that and ask people not to judge you- we’re all judging you.

I would never dream of telling my nanny she can’t eat our food and the thought of someone else being so mean spirited makes me quite sad. If you only had enough pasta for two childrens portions, you didn’t have enough pasta and that’s on you, not the nanny. Did you have a backup meal for them? What if she’d overcooked it/ dropped it/ spoilt it somehow?

If you can afford an after school nanny you can’t be so hard up that you cannot afford a £1 bag of pasta (there are other, cheaper childcare options) so I don’t believe money is the issue.

It’s your ship and you choose how to run it but don’t post on here and only ask for responses that support your meanness

[Mardygras]

Firstly, this is the internet. You cant post a question like that and ask people not to judge you- we’re all judging you.

I would never dream of telling my nanny she can’t eat our food and the thought of someone else being so mean spirited makes me quite sad. If you only had enough pasta for two childrens portions, you didn’t have enough pasta and that’s on you, not the nanny. Did you have a backup meal for them? What if she’d overcooked it/ dropped it/ spoilt it somehow?

If you can afford an after school nanny you can’t be so hard up that you cannot afford a £1 bag of pasta (there are other, cheaper childcare options) so I don’t believe money is the issue.

It’s your ship and you choose how to run it but don’t post on here and only ask for responses that support your meanness

[Greedyguts]

I think it’s lovely for a caregiver to eat with kids. They can chat over the meal and are more likely to eat well and normalise sitting down with an adult for a proper meal. It is much better all round. My after school nannies have always done this. It seems like a small price to pay - it costs a little more but saves the nanny making a meal again when she gets home and I think it’s a nice gesture. If it pays dividends in terms of them not moving on so quickly then great but it benefits me in other ways too.

[NoodleFan]

“No judgement” meaning “only post if you agree with me…” it doesn’t quite work like that…

[Kirstie’s Mom]

I’m really trying not to be judgemental but I have never heard of anything so sad and mean . She looks after your children, which should be your most precious assets . It’s also important to have the Nanny sit and eat with the children as it encourages conversation and helps with table manners. I have never heard of anything so mean in my life and whilst I don’t know of your circumstances a bag of pasta isn’t expensive I’m sure you give up a yoga class or a glass of wine to accommodate.

You should be ashamed of yourself . My Nannies used to tell me about employers like you - my husband and I thought they were exaggerating .

[TootingMom33]

First of all, it is great for the kids to eat with their carer, no matter who that is. So I would not try to change that.

Secondly, yes it is normal for a nanny to eat the food the kids eat. If she was helping herself to other stuff in the fridge it would be concerning, but eating with the kids is normal (even though I know nannies who like to bring their food).

Finally, the real issue is kids going hungry. I don’t agree with the poster that said that is your fault for not having enough food. Even if that is that case, the nanny should have brought something extra from the fridge (cheese, bread, I assume it is not bare).

So my advise is to approach her for the actual problem “I leave that you eat with the kids, but last Xday they complained they haven’t had enough. What should we do to make sure this doesn’t happen”

I have actually had a nanny who ended up running a grocery bill of >£100 weekly and that was on top of my weekly shop. I had to address it but I never told her to NOT eat there.

Good luck

[Munno878888]

Can we all please be kind....

OP I would just have the conversation with her.

I would be upset to come home and find the children hungry. If anything she should have cut them some fruit up with cheese and crackers. Ask her to do a menu forthe week. Explain that the children come first. Then take it from there.....good luck x

[pie81]

I think it depends what hours the nanny is working. If she’s there across lunchtime I would expect to provide lunch. Dinner, well I guess it depends on her finish time - if she finishes at 6/6.30 and doesn’t have a long commute then I would probably expect her to eat at home, but I’d be happy for her to eat with the kids if she wanted.

Either way I think the key is clear communication. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind providing extra food if the nanny wants, the issue is more that you didn’t realise this was expected and so the kids went short. Time for an open chat about it.

[honeygranola]

I do agree this is the internet, and in asking a question like this, one has to accept the full spectrum of views in return, however we can all do better in telling people they’re wrong or they’ve made a mistake or just sharing a different view, without accompanying this with unkind words.

I have always told nannies that they can help themselves to anything but most have also brought their main meals by choice, so I can understand how someone would have the impression that this is the norm. Having said that, if the “running out of pasta” situation ever occurred in my household, I would expect the nanny to do exactly what I would do, nip out with the kids to get some more pasta, I always leave extra cash for things like this and empower nannies to make meal planning decisions etc.

I think by now the OP knows it’s customary to make provision for the nanny too but I think she’s more concerned that her kids went hungry. So my advice is to leave some petty cash, and also encourage the nanny to communicate, I hope if she’d texted you, you might have suggested something that meant all 3 of them had a nice dinner.

Anyway, best of luck!