Sleep problems - 8 year old Post Reply

[delbarrom]

Hello

Our 8 year old daughter is having real problems at bedtime and we need some help.

She has never been an amazing sleeper but a bad month is usually followed by a few good ones.

She refuses to go to bed. She can't articulate the problem but gets very angry and upset .

Her routine is pretty fixed and we have tried talking, reassuring, shouting ( not finest hour ), bribes, audio books, white noise, weighted blankets and sitting outside her room until she falls asleep. The latter is the only technique which has had any positive result but is unsustainable as its gone 10pm by the time we can get up off the floor and think about eating.

She is exhausted. As are we.

We have spoken to school who see no problem and she has had an assessment by a Psychologist who she basically refused to talk to.

If anyone has been through a similar problem and found someone who helped then please do share , we need some help.

Thank you

[Ididntsleep]

Didn’t want to read and run. I feel for you, as someone who apparently didn’t sleep as a child (!) and then had two babies that didn’t want to sleep either. I don’t have experience of helping a child this age to sleep, but I did use Hannah Love (you can just Google her) with support getting a baby to sleep. I wonder if it’s worth calling her for a chat / asking her for a recommendation for someone if she doesn’t / can’t help with older children. All the best and I hope you all get some sleep soon.

[V_McK]

Have you considered she could have ADHD? It could be the hyperactivity element that prevents her from getting to sleep because she can’t switch off her thoughts.

[Almaceti]

Have you heard of sophrology? It is not very developed in U.K. but it is in France and other countries. It is very efficient with sleep problems, for adults and children. It’s a combination of relaxation and breathing exercices.
My son had problems at bed times a few years ago, around the age of 9-10.
He had about 6 or 8 sessions with https://makemefeel.co.uk/berangere-carc ... hrologist/ and this helped a lot.
Every now and then he has trouble sleeping but I remind him to use the exercices she taught him and they still help!

[Londonista]

I have exactly the same trouble as you. My son is now 12 and after 5 years of tearing our hair out over it, we’ve stopped waiting for him to fall asleep. We now just make sure he stays in his room and take all the devices away. He isn’t asleep when we go to bed at 10.30pm but by then he’s resigned to his fate and does eventually fall asleep.

We changed our evening routine so he comes off all devices at 7pm, and we have about 90 minutes together we we play games, talk and read together. It’s exhausting (because by then we just want to totally switch off ourselves) but we think giving him this attention at that time helps him get a lot of wriggles out. He then is fairly quiet, not sleeping usually, but just quietly laying in bed talking to his teddies or going through some cards or something. He also has an Alexa in his room that he talks to and plays quiet games with. Sometimes he does guided meditations- some of the ones on YouTube for kids are excellent (audio only).
I have to keep reminding myself that if we can’t get him physically asleep, we have to accept the next best thing which is low stimulation rest time with no screens.
It is very frustrating I totally agree and we’ll never give up trying to encourage better sleep habits (gift of a lifetime) but we now have made peace with a “next-best” evening routine.
I also have a 15 year old who used to sleep brilliantly and now he’s a slave to his phone. The battles never stop!

[NVNV]

    

[onceuponatimeaparent]

Good afternoon, I am reading your messages and it is tough when our kids or we have problems sleeping. As parents, we worry that they will be tired the day after for school and also it usually impacts their behaviour such as ours: we have less patience because of our low energy. It makes it hard to go through the day when the physical sensations show that we are depleted.When it comes to sleep there are different factors to consider such as exercise, diet and worries/anxiety for example just like a few of you mentioned. I'm an adult and child advisor at NHS and what I have noticed over the years is that a lot of little children don't nap or have difficulties falling asleep and when we ask what kind of snacks or food they had before that, we realise that they had sugary snacks or desserts. It is not easy to reach a state of relaxation when there is a high level of sugar in our blood. Diet is a very sensitive topic for families but sometimes changing your eating habits might help, so I'm just trying to find the root of your problem. Another thing you have to consider is that maybe your children don't exercise as much as they should and they are not tired physically. Walking to go back home, doing a physical activity or going to the playground can be a solution.  In the comments, some mentioned that they are sticking to their bedtime routine and the routine is essential in the good functioning of the family life. It helps children feel safe and secure. My daughter is 9 and she still needs her stories, songs and gratitude practice before falling asleep.  Practising gratitude helps them focus on the good things that have happened during the day. And we also talk about what was the negative side of the day, so she has the space to unpack any difficult feelings or issues that might have happened.As parents we are modelling habits and good practices for the kids, it could be helpful if you also share your negative experiences as it comes across as you are helping each other process your negative feelings. We are normalising the fact that life has its ups and downs and we have to find ways to self-regulate. Acknowledging and naming their feelings is a very good strategy as we are helping them understand themselves and their emotions. Of course, we had a phase where she was scared of her nightmares, of the dark and we installed a dreamcatcher at the window, little night lights for her to feel safe etc.  There is no quick fix for such a big topic. A lot of families find it easier to put the kids to bed after a warm bath/shower or massage. There are so many things you can try until you find which is going to work for your kids. Finally, remember that they need to refill their emotional jug quite often and they need hugs, kisses and signs of affection from us. 
http://onceuponatimeaparent.co.uk  

[onceuponatimeaparent]

Good afternoon, I am reading your messages and it is tough when our kids or we have problems sleeping. As parents, we worry that they will be tired the day after for school and also it usually impacts their behaviour such as ours: we have less patience because of our low energy. It makes it hard to go through the day when the physical sensations show that we are depleted.When it comes to sleep there are different factors to consider such as exercise, diet and worries/anxiety for example just like a few of you mentioned. I'm an adult and child advisor at NHS and what I have noticed over the years is that a lot of little children don't nap or have difficulties falling asleep and when we ask what kind of snacks or food they had before that, we realise that they had sugary snacks or desserts. It is not easy to reach a state of relaxation when there is a high level of sugar in our blood. Diet is a very sensitive topic for families but sometimes changing your eating habits might help, so I'm just trying to find the root of your problem. Another thing you have to consider is that maybe your children don't exercise as much as they should and they are not tired physically. Walking to go back home, doing a physical activity or going to the playground can be a solution.  In the comments, some mentioned that they are sticking to their bedtime routine and the routine is essential in the good functioning of the family life. It helps children feel safe and secure. My daughter is 9 and she still needs her stories, songs and gratitude practice before falling asleep.  Practising gratitude helps them focus on the good things that have happened during the day. And we also talk about what was the negative side of the day, so she has the space to unpack any difficult feelings or issues that might have happened.As parents we are modelling habits and good practices for the kids, it could be helpful if you also share your negative experiences as it comes across as you are helping each other process your negative feelings. We are normalising the fact that life has its ups and downs and we have to find ways to self-regulate. Acknowledging and naming their feelings is a very good strategy as we are helping them understand themselves and their emotions. Of course, we had a phase where she was scared of her nightmares, of the dark and we installed a dreamcatcher at the window, little night lights for her to feel safe etc.  There is no quick fix for such a big topic. A lot of families find it easier to put the kids to bed after a warm bath/shower or massage. There are so many things you can try until you find which is going to work for your kids. Finally, remember that they need to refill their emotional jug quite often and they need hugs, kisses and signs of affection from us. 
http://onceuponatimeaparent.co.uk  

[BellevuePharmacy]

Hi,

Hope you are well,

Would it be possible to bring your daughter with you to our pharmacy as we have a multitude of solutions that has helped many ages to sleep and delve into the root cause.

Kind Regards
Hassan