How do I get my husband off his phone, becoming a real problem for me. Post Reply

[coffee cake]

My historically engaged in life husband seems to have gone down a rabbit hole. He will not put his phone down and doesn't seem to be able to be parted with it, not at all. He is always checking it, picking it up when he leaves the room or leaves the table if we are out for dinner with friends etc. 

When I ask him to put it down he says its work but then I can see gifs popping up on the family WA. 
It is becoming a huge problem for me. I feel he is only half in the room and it is driving me mad.

Any advice for how I can get through to him. 

[dimelda]

What's so unusual about your husband?!  Have you ever seen ANYONE put down their phone ......

[Mikeydon]

I suggest you get on the Ann Summers or Love Honey websites and start spicing things up before it’s too late….

[Needcoffeenow]

What a breathtakingly unpleasant reply, Mikeydon.

[Moonlightdawn]

Hi

That sounds really tough. I can completely see how having a partner who is constantly on their phone would lead to the other person feeling insignificant, lonely and isolated. It also sets a bad example for young people. There’s also the detrimental health impacts of excessive technology use. Plenty of studies showing it’s not good for our brains, sleep, family dynamics, etc.

Could you suggest going for a walk somewhere in nature the two of you? Tell him how it makes you feel when he’s constantly glued to his phone. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? Ask him what it’s about. What is happening at home, work or whatever else that is making him so addicted to his device?

I would also look at negotiating and mutually agreeing times when the phone can and can’t be used. For instance, not in a restaurant, not at the dinner table, etc. Come up with a plan together.

Sending you a virtual hug. I hope it gets better for you.

[Happymummy2014]

Coffee Cake, I share your pain! During family time, especially mealtimes, my otherwise very lovely husband checks his messages, watches the football, or Googles something. It drives me batty and I have taken to asking him to stop in front of the children (which I know one shouldn’t do). I’m partly thinking of the example it sets for the kids, currently too young to have their own phones - I loathe the idea of spending their teenage years with a table-full of everyone glued to their phones, though I accept at other times they probably will be. I’ve been thinking hard about this over the long weekend and (wearing my professional mediator hat) am planning a compromise. I’ve worked out which times are the most important for me (mealtimes) and I can live with him doing it at other times even if I wish he wouldn’t. So I’m going to put a box or basket in the next room, and ask him to agree that we will both put our phones in it during mealtimes (not that I actually use mine, but fair’s fair). Would something like that be worth trying for your family? Choosing your own non-negotiables and which bits you can live with, obviously.

[Carol R Leake]

I usually send my husband something really naughty if I want to get his attention. Not sure it works for everyone, but works a lot for me.

[juliantenniscoach]

It's a real problem.  You can look around and see the affect this is having across society.  It looks like it's become an addiction for him like many others, and should be treated as such.  Good luck.

[Susie2468]

Some really good tips on here about agreeing phone free zones etc but even if they work on this issue
we are finding Retrouvaille really good for our marriage
I wish we had done it before.  Really focuses on communication.  
Very mimimal cost and run by volunteers.  You can attend in person or by zoom.  You are right to strive for that communication and shared time together. Sometimes it takes support and sharing from other couples for the other party to see that.  And to see how we can understand their hopes too. 
Give it a try. 

[Susie2468]

Some really good tips on here about agreeing phone free zones etc but even if they work on this issue
we are finding Retrouvaille really good for our marriage
I wish we had done it before.  Really focuses on communication.  
Very mimimal cost and run by volunteers.  You can attend in person or by zoom.  You are right to strive for that communication and shared time together. Sometimes it takes support and sharing from other couples for the other party to see that.  And to see how we can understand their hopes too. 
Give it a try.