Stepping in as class rep to sort a party 'situation' is this my role? Post Reply

[Barbie]

A question for those that have been class reps.

Have you been asked to intervene in any parent/child disputes and if so how did you handle it?

A child in the class I rep is having a party and has not invited a particular child from the class.

It's not that only one child has been not invited, I reckon about 70% of the class are going, but one of the non-invite child's parents (if that makes sense) has approached me and asked if I can intervene.

They'd like me to speak to the party host parents and suggest they invite more of the class.

It's slightly complicated in that my child IS invited.

I can't believe that as a grown-up professional I'm getting involved in literal playground politics but I also want to ask if this is the sort of stuff that class reps are expected to do?

[Pud11]

Of corse it’s not! Can’t believe a parent would think that’s appropriate. I would steer well clear if I were you.

[PJpigeon]

Definitely not. I have rep’ed many times and chaired the PTA for our prep school- it is 100% not your job to mediate a dispute like that. It’s a really awful position put you in and to be honest the parent is just looking for someone else to have the confrontation on their behalf. Politely say you don’t want to get involved as you want to remain impartial as class rep and let them get on with sorting it out.

[Goldhawk]

No.  Don't do it.  It won't end well.

[AbbevilleMummy]

Your only role as a class rep is to be the link between the school and the class parents. So to pass messages between the class teacher and the parent body. Not to manage parent to parent conflict.

[partypooper]

Agree that this isn’t a class rep issue.

However parents who think it’s acceptable to invite around 70% of class are creating unnecessary upset. if it’s a small party of course it’s ok to only invite a few but when you’re inviting the majority it’s no surprise that there are upset children who feel excluded.

[lemondrizzles]

Yes and No.

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job as Class Rep if someone is asking you to do this on their behalf. 

It's great that people come to you with their issues. However you just have to back to the un-invited parent and say she needs to go to the inviting parent directly, that you cannot ask on her behalf. 

Yes, I've been a class rep and had a lot of different types of asks. On occassion, I will even reply to "Someone neesd to ask the teacher about x" with "Yes, you could ask the teacher about that" if I think that in reality the issue x has very little to do with any other student except for the person asking.

Regarding birthday parties, there could be a space issue and or a cost by head issue. In reality, the best course of action to obtain an birthday party invitation is to initiate a play date months in advance of a party.

(PS the Yes part is to always sound open to hearing any sort of parent issue. The no part is just being able to direct them to their own individual best course of action - not necessarily that you are doing that action on their behalf!)

[Skyline]

Defo not a school rep action

However our school has a rule I really like: at the beginning of every year they send an email about parties essentially saying “invite everyone or less than 50%”. That way you don’t end up in situations like this.

You could suggest to the person to talk to school or the parent, but defo not your job to resolve.

[Dodo7]

Not a class rep task to mediate among parents. You will need to be polite but firm saying it is not your role to intervene.
However, I find schools can really help with inclusivity by stating guidelines on birthday parties. For example that if >50% of a class is invited then all the class should be (ie you don’t invite 25 people and leave 5 at home, but it is ok to do a party for 10). Some rules can also be set by the school, for example if invites are handed in the class or through the class WhatsApp group the whole class needs invited. If you agree you could suggest as a rep that you could facilitate discussions with the school to give parents some guidelines. Obviously parents do what they want regarding invites to birthday parties, but if the school tries and foster inclusivity by suggesting what inclusive behaviours are, the chances that kids do not feel excluded increases.
I spoke to one parent whose disabled kid was never invited to parties, even by parents who could afford large parties and would invite kids from outside the class. One parent told that in their class who only has 6 boys, girls started to do female only parties from year 3, basically discriminating against them. The school approach can do a lot in these cases.

[Karin4]

I am really shocked that this is being asked. Maybe the mother who is organising the class does not have enough money to pay for all of the class to come. Or maybe the child whose party it is for does not get on with the 30% who are not invited? There is no rule that all of the class has to be invited.

[Mummy2014]

I am shocked this is being asked too. It’s absolutely not a job for a class rep to ask host parents to invite uninvited children to their child’s birthday.

If your child is not invited to something, they need to accept that and move on. You cannot ask someone to invite you or complain when they don’t! I wouldn’t force my daughter to invite children she doesn’t like to her birthday party, nor would I insist others invite her or complaint when they don’t.

At our school birthday party invitations must be dealt with privately, not using the school at all. Maybe that’s why complaining about lack of invitations hasn’t been an issue. People generally don’t know.