Organising assets from previous relationships ahead of marriage Post Reply

[wedding cake]

My new partner and our collective 3 children are soon to become 'official'

Ahead of the wedding we are trying to navigate the finances, especially with regards to our property and how we plan to leave things etc.

I have a house, my ex and I bought it early on in our relationship and it is now mine.

I have 2 children.

My new partner also has 2 children and a flat worth approximately half the cost.

Can I ask how anyone has negotiated this sort of asset marriage?

The house was our haven during the divorce and I’m not comfortable just pooling everything yet it seems a bit unromantic and pragmatic to suggest we have some sort of agreement about an uneven split.

Are these sorts of agreements even legal?

Everything is very amicable but I’m not sure what to do.

[Goldhawk]

How new is your new partner?
Why do you have 3 collective children but he has 2 and you have 2?
How old are the children?

Are you moving in together or getting married?
Where are you intending to live?

What is the benefit to you of marriage?

[Mummy2014]

There is nothing wrong with approaching finances and property in an unromantic and pragmatic way. You have been divorced once before and (sorry to say) the statistics tell us that the chances of divorce the second time around are even higher, especially when there are children involved.

I would see a lawyer about putting your house into a trust with your children as beneficiaries. A prenup is no bad thing either. Why should a romantic relationship jeopardise your finances? Just be pragmatic here.

What if you divorced again and lost half your house to your fiancé? You have raised this, so I think it’s your intuition telling you to protect your assets and your children’s inheritance.

Wishing you well for your wedding and marriage.

[ronangel]

Both of you should put your respective properties into seperate trusts for your children with them having no control until the youngest 25 years old,using a specilist solicitor. This will prevent costly arguments should they arise at a later date post marrage.will also cynically prevent any pre marrage/partnership doubts or objections which should be looked at very carefuly as no good reason.. Once bitten twice shy.

[Skyline1]

It is important to see a lawyer not just about separating finances but also for a will.

In the unlikely event of one of you passing, your entire estate goes to your husband, not your kids. It would be up to him to do the right thing.

Of course we like to hope the best in people, but why risk it?

[Happymummy2014]

Hi Wedding Cake, firstly congratulations on getting engaged! I agree - see a lawyer about a pre-nup. As an ex-lawyer, I can say that it’s not at all uncommon to have pre-nups now, and although people fear it can seem unromantic, it’s just sensible where you both have children from previous relationships and want to make provision for them. I agree with the previous reply about making a Will too (although it’s not quite right to say your new husband would get everything - but it is a lot better to make sure things go the way you intend). All of this is tricky stuff and the money spent on a lawyer will give you peace of mind - then you can put the pre-nup in a drawer and hopefully never need to look at it again. Best of luck.

[TFP]

Both of you should put your respective properties into seperate trusts for your children with them having no control until the youngest 25 years old,using a specilist solicitor. This will prevent costly arguments should they arise at a later date post marrage.will also cynically prevent any pre marrage/partnership doubts or objections which should be looked at very carefuly as no good reason.. Once bitten twice shy.

I think that's the best solution provided that the marrying couple are confident that they'll never want to move 'up the housing ladder' again.

e.g. if say partner A's house was worth £1m [to be owned in trust by kids A1 and A2], partner B's flat £0.5m [to be owned in trust by kids B1 and B2], an arrangement like the one that you describe would potentially make it quite difficult and messy for A and B to ever pool their resources to buy [say] a £1.5m place.

if the couple are completely confident that the equity in partner A's house will be sufficient to meet their housing needs then your plan is best. should they ever e.g. downsize to a £0.75m [in today's money] place then kids A1 and A2 would need to agree to sell up and buy a new place, pocketing the £0.25m change.

prenups can be very useful but they're not watertight and of course either partner could be 'persuaded' to waive/tear up etc the prenup further down the line.

without an agreement of other kind then, even without the risk of a possible second divorce, it needs to be borne in mind that the surviving spouse would inherit the lot and that, realistically, if one partner were to survive the other by more than say a decade, any up front 'gentleman's agreement' that had been made about the couple's assets etc would be long forgotten, even without the possible complications arising from a hypothetical third marriage or cohabitation for the surviving spouse.
 

[wedding cake]

Hi Goldhawk, apologies if my post was a bit unclear. We have 4 children between us but only 3 of them will be moving in with us. All of the children are school age ad we will be living in the house that I live in now with my children.

To answer your question about marriage and what it means, to me it is a partnership built on romance, friendship and trust.
My first marriage without going into the details wasn't successful in any of these aspects, especially the trust part. I am aware that we could just live together but I would like to experience a happy marriage and I would like my children to see that marriage can work too.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, maybe a pre nup is the way to go.

[Peterburgess]

Hi there weddingcake

I’m happy to talk to you about this. I am a family lawyer with my own firm in Clapham Common and the City and we can cover the prenup and a new will, which is what you need.

The family court could potentially undo any trust arrangement and such arrangements aren’t usually especially tax efficient if they are drafted with the kind of discretion you might want to include. I have a specialist private client lawyer who can help advise on this aspect.

The prenup would be potentially the start and end of the conversation if the marriage broke down but I’d need to know more about the balance of who has what to advise on how effective a straightforward ‘everyone keeps their own assets’ prenup would be.

If you want to discuss further then I’m at Burgess Mee dot com.

Thanks
Peter