How to manage taking children out of fee paying school mid- year Post Reply

[Frazzled mum]

Like many, we are finding the cost of London life increasingly expensive and stressful. My husband thinks that we need to take
the children out of their fee paying school school and he wants to do it at Easter after we give a terms notice, they are 8 and 10.
I can't get my head around how they will deal with this, my eldest in particular has some anxiety issues. I know that I will find it upsetting to not see my school mum friends so regularly, I cannot imagine how they feel not seeing their classmates who are their first friends.
If you have done this, I would be very grateful if you could share how you managed the process for your children. Did you break the news ahead of doing it, a couple of weeks ahead of them leaving or after they had left and I would love to know how your children coped with the transition, especially if it was mid- academic year. I just feel like we are failing them so anything that will help will be welcomed.

[Greyskies]

Sorry that you find yourselves in this position. I imagine that things have been difficult for you.

I would focus on the practicalities. Have you spoken to the bursar at the school to see if they can reduce the fees? Probably unlikely at this level, but worth a try. 

Have you applied for places in the state system?  You will be applying outside the usual applicaion windows so you may find you are able to access places in much sought after schools. Think ahead to secondary schools.  Are there primary schools nearby which feed into sought after secondaries? If so apply there. If you play your cards right you can trump the system. 

Once you have these places you should be prepared to move the children at short notice - even if this means you will have to continue paying for places you are not using for a term. Can you start cultivating friendships with lovcal state school families now? Joining scouts or non school linked sports clubs? 

It will be challenging  for the children in the short term. But you need to be honest with them. They will already know what is going on - even if you have tried to hide it. Explain that things have changed. You have taken the decision to move them to the excellent state system and save a fortune going forward. You can use that money for extra tuition and /or extra curricular if needed. Or to save for holidays, further education, house deposits etc.  Remember that 92% of primary students are in the state system. There are huge advantages in terms of local friendship groups. And do not forget that the vast majority of students at top universities come from the state system. 

 I never moved my children from private to state in situ, but we did move them a lot over the years as we were a highly mobile family. They spent time in international schools, state schools and private schools. Outcomes for all were similar because the important thing is the family - not the school. The change is stressful - but a few weeks into the new term the children will have adapted. 

I can guarantee that many of your school mum friends will be in the same situation that you are in - struggling tio pay the fees, wondering whether the added value exists or whether it is worth the amount you are shelling out. You and your children are not alone. 




 

[NVG]

Does it really have to be Easter? It just seems really rubbish to move them two thirds of the way through the school year, especially for the ten year old who will presumably be starting secondary school next September? If they move in September at least they’ll have a chance there may be other new kids and even if not, classes may have moved around or at the very least the existing children at the new school will be more open to change and new children joining.

I think that haven chosen private schools for your kids you owe it to them to make the transition as smooth as it can be and doing it at Easter is just unfair on them. I’m sure once Labour put VAT on school fees there will be many more parents asking this question!

[Norainplease]

What a cruel message NVG... I don't think any parent would move their kids, especially half way through the school year unless they really have to. LIfe circumstances can change very quickly and sometimes we all need to adjust, no matter how hard it may be. I'm sure OP has gone through a very painful process to come to this decision and shouldn't be made feel bad about it. We've actually made the move the other way, from state to private, and yes, it was very hard for the first term but things are great now. Once they find their tribe, kids adjust very well. It took ours a good few weeks.

[pie81]

I don’t have direct experience but I imagine the school will find it hard to fill the spaces for the summer term only and therefore may be amenable to agreeing a reduced fee for that term (for them it’s better than nothing). I hope you can manage to keep them in till summer.

[Shaftesburymum]

hello,

We moved our daughter from one primary school to another age 9. It was after Easter, as that was when a place became available. She was slightly apprehensive in the lead up, but absolutely fine and happy after her first day at the new school. She has since gone on to a high school where she didn't know anyone and has also made friends very quickly. I appreciate all kids will be different but at this age most are brilliant at forming new friendships.

What strikes me as being important here is that you are framing the state school as less preferable, when that is not necessarily the case. Have you already given your children the impression that the private school is better than the school you intend to move them to? If so, it is likely that they will pick up on that and it will likely create anxiety. Can you explain the move as being for reasons other than financial without being dishonest? Perhaps there are other benefits with the new school such as location.

On a very practical note, if they know any kids who attend the new school and you can arrange for a first day buddy or play dates in advance, just knowing one person in their call will make a big difference.

Good luck.
 

[headshrinker]

Just wanted to throw some positivity your way as you sound very worried.

Firstly, it’s much easier to get school places at the upper end of primary school so you have a decent chance of getting your kids into a lovely school (and yes, there are some lovely state schools!). Moving them now will also give them time to form good friendships that they can take with them to local secondary schools.

Also, I know people want to think there are enormous differences between state and private schools but smart, well-supported kids can flourish and succeed almost anywhere. The main disadvantage is class sizes and resources (especially for sports) but you can easily compensate for that with activities outside school (which you can afford now they are not in private school).

These schools have people coming and going all the time (London is like that) so it’s not unusual and most kids settle in really quickly.

Basically, they will be OK and even if they find it tough initially, they will be fine and probably gain confidence from having done it.

Now go have a look at some of our lovely local schools and good luck!

[glasshalffull]

I'd agree with Headshrinker, do lots of extra-curricular activities (although state schools do have after-school clubs for free as well), support with tutoring if you need to but they all have extension tasks for the super bright and some subjects may even be streamed. If you are in a good area you will find lots of similar parents and children just maybe not working in Law or Banking but media and the creative industries which don't pay as well but still make for very interesting friends! Look ahead to secondary and if you can, choose a school with an automatic feed into the senior years otherwise definitely look at catchments, you can't game this stuff. Prep for SATs, easier than 11+ but worth doing well in as they base GCSE results on these so will get your child into the higher streams at secondary. You may well be surprised. SEN support if required is better in the state system generally. Your children will meet people from all walks of life which will benefit them in the future as they will develop empathy and understanding for those less fortunate than themselves which cannot be a bad thing. You will also find that there are children of wealthier parents there who are politically averse to private education so there is always a mix. Also get involved with your PTA, they do need more fundraising than private schools and the extra contacts can really help, also it is still the best place to meet the movers and shakers within the parent body. Good luck with it all. 

[Megan]

Just had to counter that message about Easter being a bad time to move children. When making difficult moves, nothing is ever perfect, but Easter is probably one of the best times to move schools. The number one reason being that they can start a whole school year in September without being the 'new kid' who's trying to settle in. They know their way around, they know their class mates and they have had the summer to rest after the big change rather than spending the whole summer worrying. Also in the summer term there tends to be lots of fun activities going on and a lowering of any pressure.  the weather is usually good and things feel brighter. If there are end of year tests, your children will have a 'get out' for having to do brilliantly well because they weren't there for the whole year!

I totally agree with headshrinker about there being lots of great state schools around here. We have had children at all levels of both state and independent schools around here - for various reasons. And the child I feel most guilty about is the one who was privately educated for 10 years- even though she did really well academically etc.  I realise in retrospect that she would probably have thrived at any school, as headshrinker says, and as a young adult now she's now genuinely embarrassed by being privately educated. 

Many of the perceived advantages of private schools are not entirely as they might seem either. For example our experience was that extra tuition is very common in the independent sector, although often kept quite private. Our child had friends who started their A level years with a tutor per subject, even though they were all going to one of the top schools in Dulwich. So the cost does not end with fees.  If you are worrying about core fees, it's important there will be more to spend on top of that especially at secondary school, including having friends with high disposable income.  Of course not everything is about money, but it's important to know that independent school fees are not some sort of 'all inclusive' deal.

All schools have their pros and cons, and you can be lucky or unlucky also with a year group no matter whether that's in private or state education.  Also there are great teachers everywhere (teachers are just amazing in my view!), and a few duds everywhere too.  We found in one of the so called 'best' schools in Dulwich that a few not great teachers were 'hidden' in the Year 8 timetable because that was seen as a less vital year.  In our personal experience (which I will just say here is just our experience) the greater number of not great teachers were at that school, not in our current experience of a local state secondary where each teacher seems to be outstanding.

Challenges come up for children as they go through schooling, and quite a few times I have seen friends assume that because they're in a private school that school will look after everything. It's not really the case in my experience.  The profit motive does get in the way at times. Whether your child is in state or independent education they need you to be the one keeping an eye out for them and spotting where they might need some more support - whether that's with a tough subject, or they need more sport in their lives (certainly one thing that is a problem in state education) or they're having a tough time mentally.  Their family will be their most important ally in the next 10 years, no matter where they go to school. And you sound like you're that kind of ally already. Good luck, life does throw curve balls, but hopefully that will just add to your children's resilience and flexibility - and some great family adventures with a bit more disposable income!







 

[Frazzled mum]

I cannot thank you all enough for your kind replies and suggestions. I am speaking to the bursar midweek so maybe that will help get us to the end of the school year, but if it doesn't, I shall we thinking positively about how they won't be the newbies come September.
Next steps to get in touch with the contacts I have at other schools that they are likely to move to and book a few play dates.
Again, a million thank yous!