resenting my step daughter Post Reply

[Sunny10]

My husband’s daughter tried to complete with me and From the very beginning, I made it clear to my husband that boundaries were essential for our relationship. I expressed to him that while I would always be polite, I couldn't assume the role of a traditional stepmother because she is not my own daughter. It's important to acknowledge that she already has a mother, even though she made the unfortunate decision to cheat on and leave him. In order to support my husband's commitment to spending time with his daughter (which happens twice a week, sigh), I made the decision to move from Georgia.

As my husband covers his mother's rent, I told him she could assist him in picking up, dropping off, and taking care of his daughter. However, I firmly established that she shouldn't stay overnight at our house, she’s just not raised properly and has bad habits ( like having her legs spread open on the couch, walking around without a bra and caressing his arms). Surprisingly, everyone involved accepted these boundaries without hesitation, understanding that it was best to address them sooner rather than later. She’s 15 years old. I see her ones or twice a month.

Funny thing is, her mother tried to speak up and I also had him shut it down fast. I can’t wait until he doesn’t have to deal with them anymore.

[Dng90]

Phoenixpayne - I would hazard a guess that you haven’t been brought up in a broken family nor are you living in one? I apologise for the assumption if I am incorrect. I came to this opinion from your thoughts on how the step child should not be included in the step moms family activities. The most important people in any of these situations are the children caught in the cross fire! My dad remarried and I didn’t have the best stop mum and I felt that, when they did family things with her family and me and my sister didn’t get invited it hurt and we felt unloved by our dad. When we didn’t have a bedroom that we could go and stay in at dads when we wanted that hurt. When my dad and step mum had a holiday every year but never took us, that hurt. I myself am now a step mom and I think it is a blessing that I get to shower a child who has experienced heartache, extra love and attention.
If my family held an event and failed to invite my step daughter, I can assure you I also wouldn’t be going. Likewise, I could never even contemplate going on a holiday without taking her. We wouldn’t ever book a holiday just for the 2 of us unless we had a holiday booked to take my step daughter first! Yes she might have a mum who can also take her away but her dad equally has as much responsibility. If you met me and my step daughter in the street you wouldn’t know she wasn’t biologically mine because we love and adore one another so much. Step mums who compete for the fathers attention should be ashamed of themselves all they are doing is isolating and making an innocent child who just wants their fathers love feel so unimportant and at a young age set of feelings as to why they aren’t good enough! Why their daddy loves these other people more!!! As others have said how would you feel if your child was made to feel that way if your marriage broke down and your new baby became the stepchild?? Also the fact you booked a “family” holiday and she wasn’t included in the first place is heartbreaking.
I really hope that you were having a bad day and that reading these you are really going to self reflect on how horrid what you are considering asking of you husband is. You married him knowing he came with a beautiful little girl. Don’t deprive either of them of the relationship they both deserve.

[295295]

You are allowed to want a holiday with YOUR child and YOUR husband alone. Your husbands other kid I'm sure goes on trips with her mother, the step child doesn't have to be involved in everything. Your child has 2 parents, step parent or not if your husband dies or you divorce you have no rights to step child AT ALL.
You cannot make medical, educational or any other important choices for your husbands child.
I would plan a trip for you and your child, why should your child miss out on things because of step child ? Step child has another life and family and your child will not be involved in it at all. I would post on the step parent reddit page because people on here really aren't thinking logically.

[295295]

It wouldn't bother me at all if my child wasn't included in holidays with my ex new family because I take my own child on holiday. We have our family and ex has his family we have different rules in each household which means we do different things.

[SW4Mummy1]

Difficult because your feelings are valid but you should squash them and put the 7 year olds feeling first (as we do for our own kids all of the time) x 

[Dn90]

It breaks my heart to read people encouraging and endorsing such awful behaviour. Yes as a step parent it isn’t the step parents responsibility to provide care to their child from another relationship. It is however your partners responsibility and if you as a human think that it is ok to expect your partner to choose between you and his child from another relationship. Well you should be ashamed of yourself!!!! My dad should have chosen me and my sister but he didn’t and we were hurt. My partner puts his daughter first. I can’t have a child biologically due to health reasons but can assure you if he tried to put me first I’d have walked away!!! Nothing and no one should come between a parent and their child. Anyone asking or expecting that should be ashamed! When you choose to be with someone who has a child to a previous relationship, you know what you are getting yourself into. These comments of YOUR child and YOUR life are honestly disgusting!!! If you can’t accept your partner’s child you don’t deserve your own child. Because clearly you wouldn’t do everything to make sure they were ok xz

[Clairamaria]

Hello, 

You have been very honest with your feelings and reaching out on here takes courage. 
A good starting point that may be helpful for you would be to consider if the young girl was your daughter or indeed yourself.  Try to imagine how you would feel if it was your dad who got a new family and then didn't take you on holiday?  Or, if it was your daughter who wasn't taken on holiday with your ex husband and his new wife and baby.  
If it is hard for you to put yourself in these others shoes  - I would suggest seeking out some help with the feelings that you are experiencing as they need to be addressed for the sake of all the family. You need to consider also that your resentment to your partners daughter will be picked up on on some level  - it doesn't have to be verbalised. 
Wishing you well with your situation - you have realised your feelings, this is the first step to working it out. Many people do not have this insight and cause irreversible damage to the family. 


 

[AmyJhones]

To the person who replied to this poor lady’s post you clearly don’t have any step children do you 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Dng90]

You may want and be entitled to a holiday with YOUR CHILD and YOUR husband. The reality is that YOUR husband has another child and they are entitled and should be treat with the same love and consideration as any other child. This other child isn’t new information and you went head first into the relationship knowing. Surely you’d love him more for being such an amazing dad? If you met someone else and had a child with them would you leave your child from another partner at home? And if your new partner suggested that you did so would you think that was ok?? Both parents have the same responsibility to their child and should both endeavour to provide the best most loving environment for the child.