Trigger warning - domestic abuse / suicidal thought Post Reply

[Danijeanne2502]

My sister is a victim of domestic abuse, her partner is c currently in prison for attacking her, numerous time
And the last attack leaving her unrecognisable. The problem is, she still is lying to us and saying he didn’t hurt her again, and that she loves him and wants to be with him no matter what. She has two 18 yr old children and is in a very bad place. She can’t see any light and is refusing to get any help. She is talking about ending her life if she can’t be with him. She is 53 and has recently been diagnosed with asd and adhd, she has always been in volatile relationships but this is something else. She isn’t looking after her children who need her and is constantly lying to her family. Does anyone know where we as a family can get help as to how best support her. My other sister has had enough of the lies and doesn’t speak to her anymore. My mum is almost 80 and is an emotional wreck.

[SWtastic]

Contact your GP for advice and adult social services.

[dencng57]

I'm very sorry to hear about your sister's experience and the distress caused to extended family.  Assuming you are based in Wandsworth, local support for domestic abuse is provided by Hestia.  https://www.wandsworth.gov.uk/community ... and-abuse/

Women's Aid provide support for family/friends:   https://www.womensaid.org.uk/informatio ... eone-else/

There is also a national domestic abuse helpline provided by Refuge 0808 2000 247.
 

[Making my children proud]

I’m so sorry to hear this

As a survivor of DV with two young children I would say the ability to ignore what’s going on is shockingly strong. Example: months after I left my husband I remembered countless times he hit me and if you had of asked me the day prior to this realisation I would have said no he never hit me up until the very end when I was scared for the children and left. I tell you this story as someone who is ( reasonably and humbly) intelligent with a full time senior job and lots of education so that you know it is not her, or your family being ignored, but the impact of living with someone like this a long time.

My best advice if it were my sister ? Take her on a holiday overseas if you can for 2 weeks minimum - and somehow break her phone so he can’t message her. And her brain just might use the break from him to realise what’s going on for itself. And don’t push her so hard she pushes back against you. Get her a therapist that will do a zoom meeting mid way through the trip if she would be open to it.

Also sign her up to the freedom program ( free run by local councils) as this is designed to stop women going back. Also get her a copy of Lindy’s book why does he do that.

Also worth pointing out DV isolates people from their families for this very reason.

Wishing you all the very very best.

[Birchtree]

So sorry to hear this.

You could also try:

https://respond.org.uk/

They specialise in ASD and trauma etc.

Hope things get better for you all.

[Lovingsleep]

My friend had help via SLaa

Google slaa sex and love addicts anonymous

Good luck to you all

[Danijeanne2502]

Thank you all so much for your replies.  It is much appreciated.  x

[Vicki W]

Your sister has been exposed to coercive control by the sound of it which is why she is defending the abuser as she has been groomed into believing she cant exist without him. This is a very complete form of brainwashing - my child has been subject to the same process and I havent seen or heard from her for five years.  She too lies to cover her father's abuse.  You need the help of a therapist that specialises in this type of control - and who can help the whole family understand what your sister has been subject to.  If you google coercive control therapy there are specialist services that deal with this type of abuse - the regular domestic abuse services do not handle this type of abuse very well as they tend to follow the wishes and feelings of the victim, but in these cases, they are the wishes and feelings of the abuser being mirrored by the victim.  

Hang in with your sister, she needs your help to escape. xx