Asked to keep children in hotel room for duration of weeding Post Reply

[pink peony]

I would love to know if I am blowing this situation out of proportion.

My husband is the best man at a wedding in a couple of months. It is a child-free wedding, which, of course, is their prerogative. The difficulty for us is that I have a 2-month-old, as well as a 3-year-old.

Most of the people I would ask to have them overnight will be at the wedding, including my in-laws. My parents are too old, and my brother and family are away on holiday.

I asked if it would be ok for us to bring them with a nanny who could entertain them, out of sight. They said yes, and I thought that was all sorted until I recently mentioned that my 3-year-old was excited to play in the pool, at which point the bride-to-be she stressed she would prefer that they stay in their room at all times so that it wasn't difficult for others.

I think that this is totally unreasonable. They won’t be in sight, but surely they can be on the grounds, away from us, but enjoying the facilities. I don’t want to upset her, and my husband thinks that we should be accommodating because it is their day, but I think she is being unreasonable to expect them to be locked up for a weekend. It is also quite costly to book another room and pay a nanny for help for a whole weekend. I am at the stage of not going.

[sid_seal]

That's some Bridezilla.
Your nanny and children may not be invited to the wedding but they are paying hotel guests, and she doesn't have a say in where they spend their day. Even if they had paid for exclusive use of the facilities, how can they really expect to keep two young children locked away?

Add that to the costs of the hotel and nanny, I wouldn't feel guilty about not going, but that obviously depends on how close you personally are to the couple, how sorry you would be to miss the wedding and whether they might be offended if you didn't go (I daresay that with a young baby they have no grounds to be offended!).

[sconesplease]

Hi - this is a ridiculous request, she clearly doesn't have children and has no idea.  Why does she think having a child in the pool will make it difficult for others? Surely it's possible there will be other guests at the hotel who have children and will be using the pool? Or have they booked the entire hotel out and is no-one else brining kids?
I've been to a number of weddings with small babies, it's common for them to attend especially if they are BF, but I can understand not having older children.
It's very unreasonable for her to think she can dictate what your children do and don't do while they are there - you have small children and they are your family and priority, I wouldn't expect guests with a baby so young to hand them over to family overnight and I would want to make it as easy as possible for them to attend.  All the best, you are not overreacting!

[Flowermummy]

Why bother going then?
Your husband can still go and enjoy it and you and the nanny can book yourselves another hotel where the kids can play in the pool and have some nice time off. And everyone is a winner!
I get it that the couple want things done in a particular way - but really you have a family to look after and I am guessing you would prioritise the kids vs this couple? I’d say it’s entirely reasonable for you to politely excuse yourself under the circumstances. If they don’t like it … well .. they can still be in touch with your husband…

[Mary1955668]

No children invited- use your brain - it’s simple they are not invited so don’t take them.

[Marissa1]

Hello
Why can't the nanny just mind the kids back at home

[sconesplease]

Mary1955668Share this post on:  Fri May 31, 2024 8:45 am 
No children invited- use your brain - it’s simple they are not invited so don’t take them.

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 Mary - she has just said that she doesn't have anyone at home who can care for them, and she has a very young baby. I think you should use your brain Mary

[VitMac]

Honestly, if I were invited to be the best man for someone who expected my children to stay cooped up in a hotel room for the entire weekend, I’d respectfully decline the invitation. I’d also respectfully book another room at the same hotel and enjoy the pool with my family for the whole weekend.

Jokes aside, some people have no understanding of the deep attachment between parents and children, and how challenging it is to nurture and maintain that bond. They see kids as mere nuisances that parents should simply control. There's a pervasive lack of empathy and selfishness nowadays.

A baby that young needs the mother physically nearby. Likewise, the mother of a baby that young needs the father close in every sense—physically, psychologically, and emotionally.

[muddyboots]

What the hell?? They are not dogs !
She’s clearly psycho and will look back on this when she’s a mum and feel ashamed.

Unless she owns the hotel, and can’t control what is done outside her own wedding in the function rooms.

I’m surprised you are even up for a wedding with a tiny baby and is the bride planning on jumping into the pool mid dinner ,??
What has it got to do with her where your kids are as long as you are not affecting her wedding day ??

I would definitely stand my ground and totally ignore her .
It’s got nothing to do with her .

I had a similar situation when I was still breastfeeding my youngest and had to pay a small fortune for the agency nanny only to enter the evening dinner and see the family children all over … so kids were OK for their own family …it was so insulting !
Had toddlers in high chairs and everything…. People can be so weird

[Champagnetennis]

Definitely don’t go, she’s being massively unreasonable and a complete bridezilla, save yourself the stress and money and stay well away!

[Champagnetennis]

Use your brain, a 2 month old needs her Mum for feeding and settling, you clearly have no brain!!!

[Hellzbellz]

Let them do what they want at their wedding. Your kids will not know the difference and will probably have just as much fun running up and down the hotel corridor. As soon as there is a small child near a pool the whole atmosphere changes with people watching, checking, being on alert. It’s definitely more relaxed without. For you, too!

I speak from experience as at the age of three, as a heavily supervised bridesmaid at a relative’s wedding, I still managed to fall in the pool, and someone had to ruin his suit and his day to fish me out, and it completely changed the atmosphere and focus of the day - so I am told.

[Paulette]

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[pink peony]

I appreciate all of your replies and suggestions very much.

I do want to be respectful of her wedding day and no children request. My husband would like us to go together which is why we thought about getting a nanny to come with us to help. I don't feel comfortable leaving a newish baby at home wen we aren't on the doorstep.

I think that I will go to see her on my own and explain that we don't feel it is ok to lock up the children, they can easily be kept out of sight and if that can't work for her then I will have to stay home.

Glad that I wan't getting it all out of proportion. Thank you everyone.

[chorister]

If the heading to this conversation is correct then it's not an unreasonable request, as the children would probably make an awful mess of the weeding!