How to help my teenage daughter with a weight issue? Post Reply

[just a mom]

I'm a regular on this site but using a guest account today as I am 'ooking for some sensitive advice.

My daughter, who is 16 constantly asks me about her weight. Am I fat? Do I look big? She constantly references that she’s bigger than her friends, it goes on and on. The situation has recently stepped up a gear, she is currently telling me that she doesn’t want to go to Reading (Festival) with friends next week because she is too fat.

I’m not sure how best to help her. She has put on a significant amount of weight in the last year or so, but she is gorgeous, and I would never say otherwise.

My question is - is this the right approach? Or do I tell her that she has got bigger. I would hate to trigger an eating disorder. I am very stuck about what to do and how best to help her.

Her sister recently asked me why I lie to her and told me I was making everything worse for her. If anyone has ever walked this tightrope successfully I would love to know how you did it.

Thanks

[sconesplease]

My parents never commented on my body as a teenager and I am so grateful for that as girls at my school did and I haven't forgotten how that felt. It might be helpful for your daughter to speak to a counselor. And limit time on instagram etc where it's easy to compare yourself to others. You could look to get a blood test to check there isn't a reason for the weight gain.

[ronich]

Hi, I would highly recommend Laura Newman, LEAD Approach. She is a speech and language therapist and supports lots of families with children who are struggling. She is holistic in her approach and will be able to help you get to the bottom of the problem.

I am also a speech and language therapist and appreciate this is very difficult at times for parents, even me! Laura has really helped me in just a couple of sessions. The social pressure for iPhones and social media is so strong and this is significantly damaging to children especially girls. I’m not saying that is the reason by any means, but too often I am seeing this in my clinic causing a heap of problems educationally and socially.

The difference Laura’s input has made for me has been so beneficial and I know she would be able to help you as well.

Laura’s website is https://www.leadapproach.com/.

You can also contact me at speechtherapysouthlondon.com or speechtherapysurreylondon.com

Best wishes
Rosie

[Lulu Luckock]

Good morning, 

In my role as a counsellor I have successfully supported many young people with low self-esteem and body image issues.

Please have a look at my website lululuckock.com and if you would like to have a chat please get in touch via the form or by email and we can arrange a time to meet on Zoom for a free 20-minute chat to see if you think I can help.

With best wishes,
Lulu 

 

[AbbevilleMummy]

You say she has put on a lot of weight in the last year, why is that do you think? Is it healthy weight she has put on? I.e. she is just maturing into her body and so her hips and chest are broadening? Or is she putting on unhealthy weight because she is eating a lot of crap (as teenagers can often do).

I think that is the crux of it. I’m kind of with your other daughter in that I think you should a knowledge that her body shape as changed and discuss with her that teenage bodies do change. If it’s healthy weight then encourage her to accept the body she has and remind her that all her friends bodies will be going through similar changes at some point. If it’s unhealthy weight then encourage healthy eating and exercise.

By ignoring the issue and just telling her she’s gorgeous as she is, you do run the risk of disordered eating as she’ll take matters into her own hands.

[AbbevilleMummy]

Sorry. I meant to add that I have had the same with my teen daughter. She really didn’t like the phase of growing big boobs and her hips becoming curvy. She was often telling me that she looked fat when she was anything but fat. We’re out the other side a bit now as her friends eventually caught up and she also grew taller which made everything look a lot more in proportion.

[falconmum]

Echo Abbevillemummy...

Acknowledging your daughter and her concerns is important. You are not helping her by ignoring the issue and acknowledging in a positive way will not trigger an eating disorder. She already has a negative self image by the sounds of it, so you need to address the root cause. 
Infact, you can be a team and help her combat the weight gain. This is a great age to learn how to manage your health positively, make lifelong habits and start a healthy eating & exercise regime. 
Tackling the health benefits will also help move puberty along and any lasting impact. 
I never lost my baby fat even through puberty and have struggled lifelong with bad eating habits and lack of physical activity. We were never encouraged to do sports in school because the focus was on academics.
And of course, as a parent, you have her trust so you don't need a counsellor or an outsider telling her what you can easily discuss and implement. 
Hope that helps...

PS: we have used the healthy lifestyle discussion to steer our budding teenage son, and now he accompanies me to gym for a bit of daily cardio!