Live-in Nanny - will i see them all the time?? Post Reply

[sw11_]

Hi all- sorry if this sounds strange... it is looking like we might need to get a live-in nanny, but i find the idea of a stranger living in my house really weird. Do you see much of them once they have clocked off for the day/at the weekend? WIll they make themselves scarce when i've had a long day at work and want to hang out with my husband and catch up in private over a glass of wine..? Grateful if you can help me understand what it is like to have someone living in. Thanks

[emsken]

I dont have any experience myself, but a friend has a live in au pair and before she moved in they had really strict rules - like upstairs (or out) by 7pm and it has worked really well - they never see her!

I think if you are up front to start with and lay down the rules then you should be ok! Good luck..

[chirstiana29]

I knew a nanny who was living in, and the mum said "once you finish your job , dont come down." So- what nanny is supposed to eat?
She had only tiny room with bed and a table in it...
I think its kind of unfair to expect that the nanny will live with you,
but you will never see her,as she is living her life too!

I lived before with the families- I liked them, but I got quiet tired of them during the week, so - I was waiting till they would go for a walk in the weekend, so i could make my breakfast. I did not like to hang around with them, knowing, that they want to spend quality-family time together, as-once kids would see me- they would like to play with me, but on my day off i did not feel like hang around, as one day i will have my own kids- i will have my 24/7 work.

Really depends on your relations with nanny!
First- make sure you really like the nanny as a person, so it's easy to share a house and pleasant to see her all the time!

[tooposhtopush]

short answer: yes

a live in works best when they become part of the family. I know that sounds a bit icky but if you're booting them upstairs because you want the "good rooms" to yourself then the relationship is not much more than a commercial transaction. Don't get me wrong, ours never hung around a lot, but I wanted them to feel welcome and if a bottle of wine was being opened its a case of getting a 3rd glass, not pushing them upstairs.

Thats the up/downside and I think its pretty apparent if that works for you or not.

The up or out bit sounds horrid

[WandsworthResident]

emsken - how horrible for the aupair your friends employ!

At 7pm she has to leave the house or sit in her room for the rest of the evening?? Hopefully she has more than just a bedroom that is "her" space. I wouldn't treat a teenaged daughter like that, why do the same to someone living in your house who you trust to look after your young children!

[Squinkle]

I think it depends on what accommodation you will be offering the nanny; if her room is big enough and nice enough for her to relax in during evenings/weekends, she will probably want to do so. I was a live-in nanny about 5 years ago and although I had a fantastic relationship with my employers and really enjoyed socialising with them, it was also nice to have some time to myself. It is difficult living in the same house that you work in, so getting a change of scene (i.e. going to your room) is really important - imagine sleeping in your office/workplace and you'll see what I mean!

Good luck with it all, it can be a really great arrangement for everyone if you get the right balance.

[emsken]

she has a nice big room and another room to watch tv in?!

[dansk1234dance]

Hey there

I currently have a live-in nanny, and I find that the advantages far outweigh any negatives. However, you do have to come to terms with the fact that you will have to live with a second person in your house. This means sharing (your) things, having less personal space and yes, there will be fewer alone moments with your husband and children.

I would only hire a live-in nanny I believed would be a good fit for the family and with whom I feel I can share a glass of wine, dinner and sometimes even a film on the sofa. She is afterall taking care of the most important person(s) in your life, so you'd want to treat her accordingly.

I don't think it's fair to ask her to leave after a certain time - your home is now her home too. My live-in nanny has a boyfriend, she has friends and she goes out a couple of times a week, but you may find someone who's more homely and won't go out as much, so you should be prepared to share a cup of coffee on a sunday morning with your nanny

If you're not sure that you can live with all of the above, it's probably better to reconsider if live-in really is for you. As I said, it's vastly improved our quality of life as they help you get is so much greater (we both work full time) and things are so much easier to organise and communicate about. But you're sharing your life with another person.

Best of luck

[BalhamMumWorkingFT]

We had a live-in and will be getting another. I agree that if you don't want to share your house with them, then don't get a live-in. Our London houses are not so huge we have wings for staff (you might, I don't) so everything is on top of each other...

It is like having a tenant as well... ours broke the loo in their room... costing us nearly £2K in the first month. It was an accident and an oversight which you kinda have to take in your stride. However, financially it made the live in savings... nill.

But coming back to the original post questions, yes, you will see them alot. They will eat your food, drink your wine, stain some carpet, fold your laundry, unexpectedly clean on the weekends, etc... and in the end, they will develop a great relationship with your children and for the most part, make your life easier.

Good Luck, not an easy decision.

[Nannysw19]

I can see the dilema here, but if your that uncomfortable with some one being in your house, then perhaps getting a live-in nanny isn't for you. As a previous poster said, nannies do become part of the family. And personally this is a quality I would look for in a family.

I think you have to think how you would feel in the shoes of a nanny who is asked to go to her room every evening. This will be very isolating or expensive if she is to go out to eat/ spend the whole weekend out of the house.

As a live in nanny, your board and keep is included, and this is why the salary is less than a live out nanny. There are of course pros and cons to each....

[{-Jor-}]

Seriously?! Upstairs or out??

[nanny_kitty]

This is a difficult one. I'd agree with previous posters that if you are in any way uncomfortable with having someone live in your house then do not get a live-in nanny.

On the other hand it really does depend on the relationship you have with your nanny. As has been previously mentioned, I live with a wonderful family who love to include me in the day-to-day. I regularly choose not to participate because I respect their 'family' time, and also 'couple' time between my employers. I have a large bedroom with wifi and find that when I finish work at 7.30pm, I usually retire to my room or go out. On weekends my schedule is totally different to theirs and I generally go out or stay out of the way - not because I feel I have to but because I couldn't say 'no' to my charges who ask me to braid their hair constantly or read stories! It's my day off too.

Things differ between nannies and aupairs too. If you have a foreign aupair who is young and has no real social network then it'll take her longer to have a social life. If she's relegated to her room she won't last long. On the other hand, an older nanny who already has friends will naturally want to go out.

I think at the end of the day, if you decide to get a live-in then you must be prepared for them to be around all the time (and be happy with it), and if they go out often then all the better!

Good luck!

[MVCC]

What is most important is to decide what you want and make sure when you interview candidates, you tell them. Some will naturally want to stay away out of hours, others not. We are on our second live-in nanny (friendly parting with the first) and were very nervous about it initially. However, it has worked out well. We have been very clear that we don't want to hang outwith the nanny at the weekends or in the evenings and therefore have found the right candidate. Some nannies were not interested because they wanted to join the family - not for us. That said, I will happily sit and have a cup of tea or glass of wine with the nanny from time time, but it is not expected.

Given you are providing such space (separate tv room), there should be no reason for them to hang out with you.

We put a microwave, kettle and small fridge in our nannies room as well as Sky+ and WiFi, and she has a large room with separate living and sleeping areas so is more than happy up there. She comes down occasionally in the evenings and at weekends to get something from or make something in the kitchen, and that is fine.

Good luck, and don't be put off having a live-in nanny. It is the best thing we did.

[MGMidget]

It will take a bit of getting used to but may not be as bad as you suspect. Firstly, most young nannies don't want to hang out with middle aged parents much anyway so if you fall into that category and aren't young, hip and trendy (!) a typical live-in nanny will want to spend most of her free time doing things that don't involve you!

We are on our second live-in au pair. Our first one really kept herself separate from us during her time off up to the point where it felt wierd. My son started asking why she was always in her room at weekends. She only emerged to go out! With our second au pair the balance feels better. She often eats with us in the evenings, we have a bit of a chat and then she disappears to her room to spend time there in the evening (she has a TV/DVD player in the room, wireless internet access etc) and spends most of the weekend out with friends but will chat to us some of the time if she is around. This feels normal - we have someone in the house who we have got to know and become comfortable with but we get our own private time and so does she (in her room where she's happy). I think our son has a better relationship with her because she feels like part of the family. If you can get this balance it works well. If you don't want to eat with the nanny often you can ask that she eats with the children on her working days (a normal arrangement for a nanny). During weekends she is likely to be out a lot anyway so you may share the occasional meal which will probably feel like a friendly catch up. Remember that your children may think it very odd if they are expected to spend lots of time with the nanny when you are not there, but then she is treated as distant from them and you when you are home. Better to integrate her into the family a bit. You can discuss your need for some private time when you interview nannies so you set the expectations and get someone suitable.