Its been 8 months . Eight lonely months of being single. I am 35 and lonely. It was never meant to be this way. I always thought that I would be blissfully married with a baby and maybe baby number 2 on the way by now. But here I am on a Thursday evening feeling sorry for myself and 8months pregnant. It was never like this. I had a boyfriend once. Gosh it feels like such a long time ago. But I was so in love with him. No, let me re-phase that. I am STILL in love with him. Yes I shock myself by saying this after what he has done to me.
Anyway, let me tell you abit more about myself. I am in my thirties, mid thirties (scary). I was born and grew up in Hampshire. I have two siblings and loving parents. I came to London to go to University. I loved Uni life. I am very traditional, I never slept around. I had a lot of friends and had a great time. I guess I have always been a social butterfly and very happy with who I am.
After university, I started work as a Trainee Lawyer in the City of London. It was tough but I was young, ambitious and up for it. The hours were long and I worked hard and played even harder. After work, I was out with colleagues to a winebar or restaurant. If it was a Friday night we might go to a club.
It was during one of these jaunts that I met him. It was a Friday Night and had been a busy week. I decided to go to a City bar with a few female colleagues. We got a table, ordered drinks and nibbles and chatted. the bar was full with City workers like us enjoying the Friday evening, looking forward to the weekend. He was, standing at the other side of the Bar with his friends. I guess I caught his eye, he sent a bottle of champagne to our table (impressive) with his business card!
Before I go any further, let me discribe myself. I am pretty, or should I say attractive or beautiful? Well I am very easy on the eye. Slim, well groomed, educated and traditional. I have very good manners and take great pride in my appearance. ( I am not going to say too much as I do not want my nearest and dearest to find out about this blog). I lived in East Dulwich . And I loved my life.
Anyway, the waiter gave ME the business card. ( I was with two other female colleagues that night) So I guess "Champagne City guy" knew who he wanted. How did I feel? Flattered. My colleagues giggled and told me to invite him over, but I thought I would appear not too interested, cool, calm and collected ( In a female way). The lighting in the bar was slightly dark and I could not get a good look of him. And I did not want him to see me looking at him. Everytime I looked his way, I caught his eye (damn!). You probably want to know what he looked like. HOT! he was tall, slim but not skinny, well groomed with gorgeous brown skin. He was with his colleagues. They were showing off. Not too loud and boisterous, but definately the centre of attraction. And you could see they had money.
Anyway, he came over to my table and chatted all evening. He was a City Trader, he was 37, he worked for a well know Investment Bank. He was young, sucessful, handsome and he fancied me (ditto). We talked about what he did for a living, where he lived (Clapham) and he said he would like to take me out. I said I would email him. I was single and so was he.
We met two weeks later. I had emailed him on the Monday Morning and he emailed me about twice a day. I guess he was keen.We decided to meet up and he came to my flat in East Dulwich to pick me up on a Saturday afternoon in his 911 Carrera Porsche. He looked absolutely gorgeous. Hotter than when I saw him at the bar.
We started off at a private art gallery. He liked his art and told me he was putting together quite a collection. He was such a gentleman. He opened the car door for me. He paid me compliments, at the gallery, he knew the people there but never made me feel left out. Afterwards, we went for a meal at an amazing restaurant and he told me about himself. He was attentive, he was a gentleman, he was handsome and he seemed older than his 37 years (in a good way). I fell for him that night. He took me back to my flat. He DID NOT come in for a night cap. He kissed me on the cheek and he said he would call me the next day. I dreamt of him that night and have ever since.
We spoke and emailed each other every single day after our first date. And met up again. Our first kiss was just electric.He was just perfect. He looked good and was an amazing kisser ( and lover). As the relationship progressed (we went out for drinks with his colleagues and he introduced me as his girlfriend), we spent more time together. He either stayed at my flat or I was at his. We both worked very long hours so when we were together it was amazing. We went on holiday together, I met his lovely parents, he met mine. His friends were mine and vice versa. We were good together and we were in love.
Ever the attentive boyfriend, he would always make sure I was happy and felt loved. He would cook me dinner, he would buy me thoughtful presents, he took me on amazing holidays. The first time he told me he loved me was amazing. He set the mood, had cooked me a delicious dinner, had candles burning which he knew I loved, and he held me in his arms, looked into my eyes and told me he loved me and that one day I would be his wife. It sent shivers down my spine and for the first time in that relationship, I was smitten.
One day, my perfect boyfriend told me out of the blue he wanted to "cool it". It was all" moving too quickly". His words not mine. That was the day my world came crashing down. That was 8months ago. Today, I am sitting in my flat in Wandsworth, 7months pregnant with HIS baby, unable to sleep and wondering where it all went wrong.
Did I read the signs wrong? Did he think he could use me like this? Baby is due in July and I am so hurt I have not told him about it. Should I ? I still love him, I am so confused and unhappy. I need some advice.
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