Soon to be a single mum!!!!

adamgh · Postby **adamgh** » Mon May 28, 2012 9:54 am

It is common for men to hide any misgivings about a relationship from you, as it is easier than admitting there is an issue. He may well have stopped feeling the love and kept it well hidden from you- he is a successful trader type guy- they tend to be unable to cope with any type of failure and find it impossible to admit that they have made a mistake. They are also very good at acting , and he may well be selfish to the extreme and obsessed with himself and his image. He won't sit you down and be sensitive and verbal about it because its not in him and he would think(wrongly) that he is weak. It is easier to break loose completely and cut you out of his like as if you are deleted. His mind and therefore life, can't operate with baggage so he will be in denial instead. The other (bigger) issue here is that the other part of the relationship(you) has made the mistake of not telling this man that he will be a father in the next few months. This is not fair on him. He has a right to know that it is going to happen so he can prepare for it. Please tell him ASAP- as a father i know how life changes when a child arrives- and i can tell you, it changes lives and perspectives forever. It would be a regret for life if he wasn't there for the birth- for both of you.
My advise is to tell him and make sure you have his support financially for costs associated with bringing up your child. Anything more from him is a bonus. Good luck

NYE31 · Postby **NYE31** » Tue May 29, 2012 11:06 am

I agree with all the advice from other posters, you need to tell him & prepare yourself that he may well not want to be that involved other than financial support & he has probably moved on & met someone else.

I'm guessing that the baby wasn't planend so it will be a HUGE shock to him & he may well not be that overjoyed, especailly if has met someone else.

You really need your friends & family around you, especially for the 1st few weeks and beyond and do get yourself involved in groups/classes etc.

Good luck & I cannot describe the joy that you will feel when you first hold your baby & the love that you will feel, no matter who awful things seem now. It is the best feeling in the whole world & the best thing I have ever done

Take care & keep us posted

x

JDMummy · Postby **JDMummy** » Tue May 29, 2012 12:50 pm

I agree with all other ladies posted.

Take a deep breath, asking him out for a coffee tell him that you have something very important to him that you have to tell him. You both deserve this moment, which can be a very very special moment, hopefully will lead to the most emotional moment of having him by your side when you deliver. But be prepared that the worst response you may receive too. and chin up to be proud of you took the courage did it!

I think you have to try to put yourself together and stay possitive for yourself and the precious baby. he or she can feel it in there that mummy is sad. It will affect his or her personality and mood. You do need to concentrate on after birth care of yourself and your baby now. sadness may affect your bounding with your new born. may give you more possibility of postnatal depression if you are not getting enough help and support and your baby doesn't stop crying. Stay focused on preparing yourself now and getting everything ready and LOOKING FORWARD to welcome your new born! Your baby needs you to stay happy and strong for him or her.

Am happy to come to offer you some help when my son is at the nursery. I know you may have a lot of help from family and friends. but am very serious. if you do need someone to hold your hands and make you a drink when you are feeling so hard with the new born. if you get stuck, please feel free to call me!!!! I have a two year old and pregnant wiith our second. Wish you will be feeling better and enjoy every minute of your new born and the unlimited joy your baby will bring to you.

Good luck with him! Do it! the outcome may be really great you never know. xxx

helenthemadex · Postby **helenthemadex** » Wed May 30, 2012 8:28 pm

I really feel for you, I have been in your position and it is so painful, but it will get better.

You have to tell your ex that he is going to be a father, you can not withhold something so important from him because you are hurting so much.

It is the right of your child to know his or her father and if possible to have a relationship with him. It will not be easy for you whatever he decides to do but, I think it is important to be able to tell your child in the future that you did everything you could to encourage their father to maintain contact.

My other advice would be do not hide from your family and friends how sad you are, how frightened and alone you feel, your true friends will help and support you through this difficult time. Speak to your midwife as well, she may be able to help you, or suggest ways for you to meet other mothers.

Internet forums are a great source of advice and support, and you can sometimes say stuff to people on them that you can not say to people in real life because they do not know you, so use them to.

I wish you loads of luck, it will get better, but it will take time.
feel free to message me if you want to rant

MelC · Postby **MelC** » Wed May 30, 2012 9:37 pm

Hello mummy to be. My heart bleeds for you as this must feel like the toughest thing ever. But have faith, it will get better, esp. when your LO comes. You become instantly stronger over night as you will be on a mission to be the best mom ever.

Now here is what I think you should do:
1) focus everything on the baby now, stop asking yourself WHY, WILL HE RETURN to me and instead, focus on being happy. This all rubs off on your baby. The less stress the better. If you find this impossible to do, record comedy shows and etch loads of them.
2) You must tell him asap, he has a right AND a responsibility to look after his baby. Dont deny him of this as at some point you will either regret this or you will ask yourself was it the right thing to do. If you tell him and he rejects you, don't worry you will survive it. YOU ARE STRONG!
3) Join up to some antenatal classes for single mums (if not sure where they are , call your local surestart centre). These will be amazing for support.

Now if you ever need a cup of tea- let me know and I meet up with you.
Lots of hugs,
M