To sleep train or give in? Was fine for a year! Post Reply

[Familycompleted]

Dear fellow moms,

I have just read through almost all the postst here about sleep training and consultants but still need your thoughts (sorry). Our son is 2yrs and a month and whilst a terrible sleeper when a baby, managed to sleep through and settle himself with a bottle for about a year and sleep through 8-6:30/7 every night in his own cot. (drank Swedish formula with no sugar and so less damaging to his teeth and yes we know using a prop was not the best but it did work for a long time).

We went away on holiday for 3 weeks and got back about 3 weeks ago and since then it's been a nightmare. He no longer wants to stay in the cot after he has his milk and whilst lying next to his cot on the floor worked a night or two, this didn't last and last night he finally climbed out of the cot and I now feel like its game over. His language skills aren't great so it's hard to explain to him re rewards, being a big boy or whatever and I really feel bad when I let him cry more than 5-10minutes (besides now he would just climb out!)

Am not sure if this is coinciding with the whole increased awareness phase as he is also hating nursery drop offs but loved it before holidays. I don't want him to become insecure by ignoring his need to be with us but also want some time for myself!

How do I make him go back to his cot? What would make him want to stay there?he seems so tired these days as he used to sleep 11-12 hours and now doesn't! Is moving his cot into our room just asking for trouble?? In other cultures co sleeping is normal but it seems it's not really acceptable here....

Any advice would be gratefully received!

I go back to Uni in Sep and need the "post 8pm peace" to study so am rather desperate but don't know what to do. Am afraid that sleep consultants would just criticize our method so far or our softie approach so not sure if I dare call one in either

[emsken]

I would say be strict with routine during the day and maybe put a teddy or something in cot? My daughter has a few dolls which she loves and cuddles to sleep!

I think you have to be cruel to be kind and would let him cry it out...go in a calm him down if he really kicks off but otherwise let him cry. Sounds harsh but works for us and our kids are very happy!!

[walesdavies]

Don't feel worried about using a sleep trainer - they are not there to criticise you (well a good one wouldn't!). They can be emotionally unattached from the situation in a way that we mums can't. Which doesn't mean they will leave your child to just cry it out or that they won't give you tips on things to do throughout the day (& night) that will overall help, as sleeping is not just about the night.

I have twins & had to use a night nanny in the beginning as they (literally) did not sleep in the night for more than half an hour & I was clueless. It gave me the confidence to be assertive and to know that they weren't going to get hurt / suffer if I stuck with it. Now my twins are AMAZING sleepers & regularly sleep until 8am!

I have several friends who have used Kathryn Mewes: www.bbespokenanny.com & completely rave about her. I have also attended a talk by her & she is brilliant, really inspiring plus she has got a book out which you can get on AMAZON or in Waterstones called: The 3 day nanny.

Ultimately - don't give in & do nothing or else you'll have a bigger fallout the longer you leave it. SOmetimes you have to 'mum' up & give yourself a week to deal with it & sort...... or pay someone to come & do it for you (no shame in that!). Good luck

[laura555]

My son is 2 yrs 4 months, he has gone down to bed with complete ease since he was 4 months. We have just moved back to the UK from overseas.....since we moved we have had the same problem. We put him into a bed in the 2 month transition of temp accomodation and I no longer have an evening as I am up and down the stairs until 9/10pm. However, I have noticed that in dropping his lunchtime nap completely or waking him after 30 minutes helps with how tired he is at bedtime and therefore the depth of sleep and his mood the next day. Any advice welcome!

[Kate @TPC]

Hi Kuki

This scenario sounds familiar sometimes even a slight change can upset what was otherwise a good routine. Lying down next to his cot is a good start to the gradual retreat method, but first you need to stop him climbing out! Each time he sits up to climd out lie him back down, don't interact with him at all (includes eye contact) each time say sshh he may sit up 20 times but if you are consisitent and boring he will eventually stop. When he has settled you can lie next to the cot until he has gone to sleep. This way you are reassuring him that you are still there but the message is clear; it's sleep time. When he has stopped trying to climb out of the cot you can gradually move away from the cot and retreat out of the room. This method could take anything from a week to ten days to implement from start to finish. Hard work in the short term but the long term gain is worth it! Please contact me if you would like any help or support kate@theparentconsultancy.com www.theparentconsultancy.com

[helloUGT]

Kathryn Mewes will be coming to do a talk at Under the Greenwood Tree, SW4 at the beginning of October so if you haven't sorted it out by then (I really hope you will have!), it might be worth signing up to that. If you sign up to our newsletter, we'll let you know as soon as we have firmed up the date.

Sophie

[Familycompleted]

Thank you so much for all the ideas and advice! We are going to buy a toddler bed this weekend and last night we actually put a mattress on the floor and lay next to him and bar one wake up at 10pm, he slept till 6:15 and then back till 8...

I agree that he needs to cut back his nap and perhaps we have to wake him up by 7am but he is at nursery all day - will check if they can change his nap.... otherwise the main challenge is getting him to stay in his cot/bed, which is the hardest - as I can - at a push, get ear plugs for some controlled crying but not when he is walking around screaming....

But all in all, thank you all SO SO much for replying!!! I am very touched!

PS - when people say Kathryn Mewes is expensive, what kind of amount are we talking about here....? I have Elizabeth Pantly's No cry sleep solution - is that very different from Mewes' book the 3 day nanny (for those of you who have read both?)

[Torinogal]

Hi!
I had an amazing experience with Heidi at www.tinytiptoes.co.uk She trained my 2.5yr old in 48 hours! She has a brilliant manner with children and has an excellent knowledge of sleep training methods and is very reasonably priced. She is local in the area and happy to be on call if you need her.

Good luck! x

[Camille]

Really tough subject but I have to agree with Laura555 that the "nap" may be the problem.
Our daughter was similarly difficult to get off to sleep but by keeping her as active as possible and trying not to let her have a daytime nap she has become a great little sleeper.
She is now 2 and a half and seldom has a nap at all during the day.
Your other point is the nursery nap...ours daughter starts full time on Tuesday and I am really concerned about her slipping back. We have visited 7+ nurseries in Clapham/Balham (I know, way too many...) but everyone when we were there post lunchtime ish had rows of kids either sleeping or being encouraged to sleep (i.e. made to lie down and "rest")!
These were expensive nurseries too which had promised that children not needing naps would not be given them...
So definitely have a firm word that your little boy should not be encouraged to have a daytime sleep and good luck.

[cosmopolitanmum]

Call Kathryn Mewes. She's brilliant. I just used her for my 2.5 year old and 1 year old. I wish I had called her a year ago as then I would have had many nights sleep by now - I am only just now catching up!