Nightmare with 3 year old's eating Post Reply

[supergirl]

Hi duzzyduster
This is just brilliant and for me this exactly what food is all about something to enjoy.
I will try some of your ideas, they are just brilliant!

[ghs]

A belated thank you to everyone for your replies. It's really interesting to hear different viewpoints and it's also quite an emotional subject, particularly when you know how important it is for your child to eat well.
I've definitely made progress since I decided to tackle the problem properly a month ago. I've stopped her snacking in between meals(this was a gradual process because she was so used to grazing throughout the day) but it seems to be working! I've been tougher and it was hard to not give her a snack when she'd hardly eaten her lunch and was starving! But I was brave and continued and she's definitely getting better at eating more of her meals. And she kicks up less of a fuss now about finishing her meal now, as she knows I mean business! It's hard but I remind myself that I'm doing it in her best interests, and I tell her that as well, which she's definitely taking in.
I also realised i'd become a bit lazy about her mealtimes, and had given up giving her new foods because I knew she wouldn't eat them. So for instance I put some sweet potato chips on her plate a few times, and on the fourth time she tried one! Having been convinced she wouldn't, she proved me wrong and she was so proud of herself! I could have cried as it's such a big deal as those with fussy eaters know! It also helped that her 3 year old cousin Archie was eating next to her as well and he was encouraing her.
So all in all, I think new foods on the plate lots of times to familiariise herself with them, sticking to mealtimes and no/small snacks if really needed, are definitely taking us in the right direction! Fingers crossed it continues! Thanks all and I hope those who posted a reply. It really is helpful when you're feeling quite desperate! next stop getting rid of the dummy! Aggh!!!

[ellesmum]

We've been through all that, too, and DD still won't eat anything with a sauce, mashed potato, scrambled eggs, rice, melted butter, most meat, etc - I am quite possibly the only parent who virtually begged my child to try a chicken nugget! For the best part of a year, from about 11 months, she existed almost entirely on chips and frozen peas (still frozen!), and she would literally starve herself rather than give in and try something new - stubborn little madam! So, we didn't put anything off limits, regardless of whether it was considered "junk food", and just let her choose what she would or wouldn't put in her body. We found that she was more willing to try new foods during a pre-growth spurt, eat-everything-in-sight session, and that the "you don't have to clear your plate, but you do have to try at least a small bite" rule worked pretty well, too. It's taken a lot of hard work, a lot of going against my mother's instinct which says my daughter HAS to eat, and a great deal of tongue biting, but whilst there is still a looooonnnngggg list of things she won't eat (although I put it on her plate regardless if that's what we're having for dinner that night, along with at least one item that I know she does like and will eat if she's hungry, even if that is just bread sticks), I now have a 4yo who turns her nose up at McDonalds, loves fruit, and when asked what her choice of dinner would be, she asks for pizza and broccoli...and eats the broccoli and leaves the pizza! I try not to worry any more and just leave her to it - she eats when she's hungry, stops when she's full and doesn't comfort eat just because she can. I wish I had the same self control! She's growing well, fit, healthy, makes sensible choices...what more could I want?! One day she'll shock me and eat spaghetti bolognese...but one day she may actually eat a cake and not just the icing, too!
I know it's difficult, but honestly, deep breath and just go with the flow. Looking back, I also used to refuse everything from scrambled egg to broccoli when I was my daughter's age, but I love them now, and I had never tried an Indian until my 20s because I was convinced I wouldn't like it! Taste buds grow and mature, it's more the relationship with food that's important

[Pod]

Hi to NVN members who have been or are struggling to get their child eating or eating well.

Something that is rarely discussed and is a stage that we all go through is the Neophobic stage - usually around the time when a child learns to walk. It's an inbuilt mechanism we all experience that prevents self poisoning so right back to caveman times when an infant learn to walk he/she would restrict their food intake/repertoire and only eat "safe" (recognisable) foods - hence why many toddlers eat everything and then soon as they become more active and mobile they seems to refuse many foods that were previously accepted. This stage can last for a few weeks/months and sometimes in severe cases extreme neophobia extends for a year or longer and the child becomes a "selective eater" this term is only used for children who eat less than 6 foods which includes what they will drink too (and on very rare occasions this can continue into adulthood)

I have worked privately with children of all ages who have varying degrees of neophobia, sometimes brought on as a result of terrible reflux which impacts on the natural development of eating and increases sensory defensiveness, as does prolonged illness and certain spectrum disorders. Ofcourse not forgetting many other fractors (including the typical control of willpower and the battles that children love to make us endure around mealtimes and food - the one thing they can control!)

Sorry didn't mean this to be a lecture or patronising in anyway at all but just wanted to expand on the other factors that do impact children's eating. having worked for 8years with a clinical psychologist and as a consultant for feeding clinics and hospitals I just wanted to share a snippet of info for anyone who might be interested

Also praise to all those who posted with their great ideas and yes - repetition - modelling and setting an example are all key.
Any questions feel free to PM me xx

[Suslik]

my older daughter was eating willingly only wait rose spinach and ricotta ravioli for a good part of a year and half. i managed to control it down to one meal a day and other meals would consist of pasta. i got similar advice not to force her (which is frankly impossible anyway). she did eventually grow out of it. although she is not a great eater, she does have a much more varied diet now.

one trick is to leave them with other people - she may well take different foods from them. my daughter eats stuff cooked by granny and nanny which she'd never come near with me. also, your daughter will go to school soon and see other kids eating all sorts of stuff.

also, maybe change scenery. go to a pub for lunch, or to the visiting circus and offer her a hot dog or smth from the stalls. or go to a market - she might like to try free things from stalls?