Postby NovaLi » Sat Nov 17, 2012 7:53 pm
To: FALCONMUM
Sorry to hear you having a tough time with 13 month olds sleep. Hope I have some ideas for you.
Many say that sleep associations are bad and creates a desperate need for the thing/action given to sooth the baby, and baby wont go to sleep without it. Let’s try and create new, positive sleep associations that will help baby fall asleep, stay asleep and soothe himself if he wakes in the night.
All things you have tried are great and well done for really researching and trying different methods. Sitting next to the cot until he falls asleep is great to help him feeling safe while settling, but we need to understand that when he wakes in the night, he will wonder where you have gone. At 13 months it’s difficult to explain the concept of sleep, and for him, all that happened was that: My mommy sat next to the cot, I blinked (not understanding that I’ve been asleep) and now mommy is gone. Either, try the gradual withdrawal method again, and when you get to the stage of soothing him from outside the door, the last thing he will see before falling asleep is an empty room, which is the same as when waking in the night (seeing no mommy) and will be less confusing and he doesn’t have to wonder where you disappeared to in a blink. OR when you sit next to the cot, do so holding a teddy/wearing a hat (anything) that you, (when he has fallen asleep) put in his cot next to him/for him to see. This way at least when he wakes up, something that was there when he was settling, that he associates with mommy and feeling tired, is still there, and might help him go back to sleep.
At 13 months he is able to find and re-plug a dummy, push a sleepy-music toys tummy for a soothing tune or reach out for a fave blankie. Ideally there wouldn’t be any ‘things’ and ‘props’, but here we are, trying everything and accepting that it’s not going be all textbook. We want to give him something to hold on to in this, for him, **** time of being awake crying. Choose the time of day/night where he falls asleep the easiest, and introduce this new thing then, so he associates it with ‘Im feeling calm and sleepy’ Do that for about a week, ONLY when he is calm and sleepy. Following week, use it when he has woken up, and you have comforted him and he is calm and show it then. Next week use it to try soothe him with it. It needs to be something that he can do/reach himself. The goal here is not for him to never wake up in the night, but to be ok with the feeling of feeling tired and to be able to soothe himself. (Try a teddy wearing a teddydress/any clothing that you have kept in your bra all day to make it smell def mommy) Patting/Sh-ing is absolutely fine as it’s something you can do less and less, from strong patting and loud sh-ing to just resting a hand on him with small whispers.
It sound like the only thing that calms him is for you to pick him up – so do! You can try Tizzie Halls P.U./P.D. method (Pick up/Put down.) If he is crying to be picked up, pick him up! Hold him until he calms down, then give him the dummy/teddy and put him down again. This is going to take ages and it will kill your back. Keep notes on how many P.U./P.D. you do to see when you start to see any improvement. The trick is to put him down as soon as he has settled, and not to hold him any longer. We are not cuddling, we are just helping him calm down and stop crying.
It sound like you have read a lot on sleep and I see you have tried the gradual withdrawal method. Maybe give this a go once more. And this time if it doesn’t work, just take one step back. Say that you’ve gone from shh and pat to just sh-ing and now he is crying again, take a step back to pat and shh, without picking him up but you are still giving him that extra assistance to soothe.
Other thoughts I have is that maybe when you are putting him down it’s a bit of hussle and bussle in the house and when he wakes it’s just so so quiet. Try a radio running all night on a low low volume setting. The quiet voices/music can be very soothing for him as he is going between sleep cycles, just reassuring him that there is still some noises in the house, like it normally is, and perhaps was when he was settling to sleep. I don’t mean that it was very noisy at bedtime, but it’s easy for us as adults to forget about those little reassuring noises that means that ppl are around; taps running, toilets flushing, cupboards closing…
Another thought, in the most non accusingly meant way: You mention him sleeping so much better on Neurofren and only ever taking him to your bed if ill or teething. Keep a diary of how often you do give him Neurofren. Im only mentioning this as a family I worked with about 4 weeks ago,also ‘sometimes’ gave Neurofren. I was doing a live-in maternity nurse booking for the childs newborn baby sister and was keeping a diary of given medication so mum and I wouldn’t over-dose. In 5 out 7 days the child would be dozing off on Neurofren as he was fussing so incredibly much, mum thought he must be sick and gave Neurofren, which is fine. But almost every night, every week, is too much!
Re nursery. When he wakes there after a nap I’m guessing its straight back to play and loud activities. If he goes to nursery every day he might have the sleep association of ‘waking up means play’ or if he is sharing naptime with lots of other babies/toddlers, perhaps when any child is waking up, he is being picked up straight away, the second he starts stirring/making ‘wake-up noises’ I’m thinking that the kind and only well-meaning staff will rush to him and pick him up straight away, for him not to do his ‘oh-i-just-woke-up-cry’ and wake up and disturb the other children. Possibly he is so used to being attended to straight away when waking from his nap, this is what he expects at home as well. Ask to spend a full day with your son at nursery to see what his day is actually like.
Just a few thoughts I had! Best of luck and hope you get some sleep tonight!
