Dilemma - help! Post Reply

[coolmum]

I'm really not sure what to do.

I have an au pair who looks after my children a few hours a week on her own as I have to work.

I went to a class today (know the teacher very well) and she asked me if I'd got rid of my au pair. I said no and asked her why. She said that was useless, very miserable, always playing on her phone, never interacting with the kids and is quite harsh with her words when speaking to the children.

I've spoken to her before about not using her phone at all (unless an emergency) when looking after the children and that she needs to be full of energy when with the kids.

I just don't know how to approach this subject with her.

When I'm around she's always interacting but I don't know whats happening when I'm not there.

I know nanny cams have been a subject brought up before on here and I know there was mixed opinions but this teacher said that I should use one for a few days as it's your children and you have the right to know how their being treated.

Any thoughts, suggestions???

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

You haven't stated how old your children are but if they can communicate, can you ask them? It doesn't have to be direct - e.g. do you like the au pair or not but maybe ask what they did that day with the au pair? Did they have fun etc?

[BalhamMumWorkingFT]

Talk to her about it as someone alerted you to a few things you have already discussed with her. I'd approach it as many mothers in the area are good friends with you and one of them had asked after the Au Pair / Nanny regarding some behavior. It might stop it all together as she'd never know who was and wasn't a friend.

Best to hear her side of the story before going through installing cameras and such. Expensive venture and controversy that could just be a small misunderstanding.

[lauretta]

Hi i am a qualified nanny of 18yrs and the best advice that you can give is listen to your gut instinct, i think you know what the next step is deep down and its a big descision but your children are precious treasure and it is vital that you have someone who treats them with respect they deserve, i hardly use my phone during working hours and follow my employers wishes as much as i can. Your au pair has obviously broken the phone rule since telling her which makes me think what other rules have been broken too? What happens if some horrible incident accident happened when using her phone??? you may have caught it on nanny cam but at what cost?? I think you should ask around and line someone else up for the position as back up and hopefully if they are true child carers and care for their job they will take to their new role and the children too. Have in your mind what sort of person would you like to employ write it down, speak good english communication is vital between all parties and committment is key to this role, I hope this helps and makes sense listen to within you won't go wrong have faith lots of good child carers out there good luck best wishes lauretta

[Patricia Sanchez]

Dear mum,

English culture is well known for being economical with advises, generally speaking people don't interfere in other people matters and opinions are given only when requested.

So, if the teacher has openly indicated that your child's au pair is not what should be… there is no doubt.

I am looking for au pair myself now and had received in two days 40 Cv’s so please don’t doubt and find someone that is going to look after your most precious thing in the world as good as you would or close enough

[nicolekirk]

How is it all going now? Have you had that honest conversation?

I have had 4 au pairs now and my son has absoloutely adored each one!

Nicole

[Hattie]

How horrid for you. As Loretta says, a hidden camera might catch some bad behaviour but it will be upsetting if this is too little to late. Bearing in mind that she in only an au pair and not a trained/experienced nanny, she may be socially immature, young and not really up to speed with how she should behave when in charge of your children. Her adult to child communications skills in public may also need some training.

I have always felt that the first step should be to address such a problem honestly, openly and directly (as one should with any kind of poor service for which you have paid) and tell her exactly what has happened. Say that this comment has been made, that you have already requested that she should not us the phone (ask her why she feels that she openly disrespects this request) and ask for her feedback about what the teacher said. I would also add that, until your mind has been put at rest, that you will be checking with various sources (other mums who may see her out and about, teachers at other classes etc) to see how she interacts with her children.

If you see no improvement, I think it is time to look elsewhere for a more professional person to help out with your children.

Many years ago I reported a nanny to her employers. I'd seen her as baby swimming classes before, being rather rough and shouting hard at the kids in her care on more than one occasion and had mentioned it to the toddler swimming class teacher who had said they would pass my comments to the parents. However, on this particular occasion she totally ignored her two charges (reading Hello magazine up in the viewing seats) whilst they had swimming lessons, despite their being desperate for her encouragement and praise, and, when the younger boy accidentally peed in the pool (very nervous in the water, poor scrap), all children had to leave the pool. Rather than make light of it and save his shame, she then proceeded to shout at him and handle him so sharply that he actually soiled himself. I was mortified and reported it in writing to the parents via the Class Organisers. The parents called me for a full account - also witnessed by the father of the baby I had taken swimming (who had been in the water with me) - yet, the children refused to answer any questions directed at them by the parents, possibly because they were too scared of the nanny behind closed doors, and crocodile tears from the nanny resulted in her retaining her job. I was stunned!