To have a second child or not? Post Reply

[Sam001]

Hi fellow mummies,

I wonder if any of you can help me. My daughter is now 2 and a half and for the time first time since she's born, I am considering having a second one. My husband is not keen to have another one and I keep changing my mind every other day. I would love to have a sibling for my daughter, but on the other hand, I do not want to take away the time and attention that I currently give her.

I had a horrible birth experience with my first and also suffered from postnatal depression which lasted for the first 18 months of her life and therefore am a bit anxious that this might happen again with a second one.

My husband thinks that we are now happy as a family of three and we shouldn't jinx it unless absolutely necessary, however I do not want to regret not having another one, even though I do not feel very strongly about it. I would love to have another one, but am not sure whether I will be able to handle it (emotionally, physically, financially), but this makes me feel guilty that I could potentially be denying my daughter a sibling because I am not strong enough to have another one.

I should also mention that my husband is 48 (and I am 33) and there is also a slight worry that this might potentially increase risk of baby problems. Even though he is in perfectly good health, I also worry that I might end up doing most of the parenting eventually when he gets older.

Saying that, we are also very keen travellers and enjoy our social life and it is only recently that we have started this again and my husband feels that this is an important part of who we are as a couple, and it will be more difficult with two. I know this sounds selfish, but is this a valid reason not to have another one?

How do you know when you are ready for child no. 2? Any advice and your honest opinion is appreciated.

Thanks

[simplymum]

It's never the right time to have one, let along two! I know you like travelling, socialising etc... but that will always be there, even if you take a couple of years out to have number two.

I'm an only child and I always wanted a sibling, so I thought how mean it would be of me not to give my son a little brother / sister and ultimately friend for life. It was pretty lonely growing up as there's only so much fun you can have with mummy and daddy.

We had just got back into the swing of things also and I wasn't sure I wanted to rock the boat with going back to basics again - but it was the best decision I made. It's tough to begin with and a total juggling act, but totally worth it. And of course your time will be less concentrated with her, but number two will give her so much joy and pleasure, that to be honest, she probably won't notice that mummy gives her less attention.

I'm sorry to hear you suffered by PND - that must have been tough. I guess at least the next time around you will be more aware of the symptoms / your emotions etc... and your husband will be too.

Must dash and sorry for the long post - but I think it's important to also make sure your husband is 100% supportive of your decision, whatever it is. Let us know what you ultimately decide.