this is why we send our children private Post Reply

[PrivateSchools]

Hi
I use this site on a regular basis but have never posted before but I was so upset with this situation I wanted to post.

My children go to private school and for me this is not because I want to do this as a "lifestyle" choice but it is because I believe for a lot of the education system in Wandsworth I just don't feel it is good enough. Whether it's non-English first languages, lack of sport etc etc

Before you bite my head off please read the article about the CORONERS report regarding the death of a young Wandsworth schoolgirl who was so badly bullied she ended up taking her own life.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... rself.html

The upshot of the article is that although she probably didn't mean to kill herself the fact that she was bullied into performing "acts" on other children and these were videoed meant that she was so desperate she got into a situation where she died.

The article goes on to say that Wandsworth council were told that she had been sexually abused by these boys, that the school were also told and that they had been useless. Quote "Mr Richmond has identified a catalogue of failures by the school in not helping Chevonea, and even when she was referred to Wandsworth Council social services, her plight was largely ignored. "

So to get this right, the girl was raped (yes raped), forced to perform acts on other children, told her school AND Wandsworth Council and nothing was done?

This is a secondary school in Wandsworth which we were offered as one of our choices

I did not write this post wanting to start a heated debate but I do want to put forward a point of view. Surely we cannot expect middle class affluent parents NOT to select private schools when this goes on?

Some people on NappyValley seem to think that by ducking out of the state system we are missing the opportunity to improve the state system but I just don't see how we can even begin to consider exposing our children to such physical, emotional and sexual abuse.

Will there be an enquiry into the behavior of the school and the council? I can't see how we can have any faith in a system where this sort of stuff goes on for three years.

Rant over but I really wanted to get this off my chest. I do feel guilty for selecting the private route and then I read something like this and think why does ANYONE send their kids to a London comprehensive? I'd rather move.

It goes without saying that my thoughts are with the poor family of this girl, they appear to be coping with astonishing strength.

[Jodie1984]

As much as the article is shocking and sad to read, i doubt very much this is happening in every state secondary school In London and I'm sure bullying/sexual abuse goes on in private schools too.

[Minnie]

Very sad what happened but I don't really see what this has to do with private or mainstream?

This could happen anywhere and so could bullying. So if a young girl committed suicide in a private school because of bullying from her peers and the school didn't offer her the correct support you would blame the private school system?

I agree that some of the schools in London are appalling and I really wouldn't want to send my children there but I'm not sure that I would agree that this incident was to blame on public schools and that it could never happen privately.

[mumsw16]

This is indeed a really tragic story.

But I think you are VERY naive if you think this doesn't go on in private schools too.

[lamj1974]

This is obviously an incredibly tragic, awful story but i've never heard such 'daily mail' rubbish being spouted before. Are you that naive that you think this was all to do with her going to a state school? I'm sure her home life and other factors were taken into account. I know for a FACT that this has happened in some very well known public schools.

[schoolgatesmum]

Firstly I am astounded that you are writing off every state school in Wandsworth over one incident. Do you really believe that if you pay for a school, no abuse happens? My brother-in-law went to a very exclusive boarding school and abuse was rife (and this was the jesuit teachers). A friend of mine has recently considered pulling her child out of a Wandsworth private school because her child was being bullied and the school was doing nothing about it despite there being numerous complaints about the same child. This is obviously a very sad case - but it is isolated. With this type of attitude it's not surprising that btc parents are terrified of sending their children to a state school.

[schoolgatesmum]

So will you write off all private schools as well? Same newspaper but a private school this time.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... eight.html

[PrivateSchools]

Apologies for not making my point clearly, I was so upset at the article I wasn't writing clearly.

I was not writing that abuse/bullying does not go on in private schools. That would be naive and there are extremely well documented cases where there have been cultures of this in many leading private/public schools.

My main area of concern is that the organisations to whom we look to to sort these situations out (the school/the council) ONCE THEY OCCUR appear to have failed. I don't see how, according to the coroner's report, one can have faith in a system when someone is raped and the council allegedly appear to have done very little to help, over a period of three years.

So that is my worry. Not that it happens, I know it happens everywhere, but that if it were to happen there appears to be a culture of not supporting the victim.

And in that respect I do play up to my stereotype as I shudder at the thought of my child asking for help in such an awful situation and not being helped.

Totally heartbreaking for all involved.

[BFW]

Totally shocked at the initial post. I know that you have just tried to clarify your thoughts but I still just can’t quite believe that one would contemplate starting a private / state school debate as a result of this tragedy. You are of course entitled to your opinion but a pretty poor choice of words in the Subject “this is why we sent our children private”.

[Sw17mamma17]

Horrified by the initial post and the follow up justification of why this was posted. No wonder there are such issues in this country when people walk around with views like this.

In my mind, this initial post is a bullying - she may as well have said a spit on anyone who doesn't have my wealth to go to private school.

[PrivateSchools]

Hi
I am sorry if my post caused upset.

I am a little surprised that I am being attacked for raising a point about how we care for our children, I am simply stating that one of my concerns of the state sector is that they may not have the resources to look after the "individual" and I believe this story backs up my point of view.

Apologies if I caused any offence, that was not my intention.

[Sw17mamma17]

You've caused huge upset.

By stati g how you care for your kids, you a criticising how others choose to care for theirs. And that is not on.

[waitingforgodot]

Dear PrivateSchools,

I have to say something because I feel you are being bullied yourself. Please ignore the other comments. You have every right to send your kids to a private school. You are putting thousands of pounds into your children’s education that you could instead spend on holidays or many nice cars.

I myself do not send my children to a private school (yet) but I understand why you do. I think this article touched a very sensitive part of you as a mother that we all have and that in my case was quite extreme after giving birth. The thought of something like this happening to my child....Of course this can happen in a private school but I, like you, would expect that teachers will know better what is going on if they have to look after fewer kids.

I myself went to a private school. Had I been to a state school I would have never achieved what I achieved academically because I would have skived off school on a regular basis. I was a bit mad as a teenager. I cannot think of a single girl in my school that did not go to Uni. Not because the education was better, but because the school knew where we were and what we were up to at all times.

Your reasons are perfectly valid in my opinion. I don’t think private schools are what they used to be and for what I see, they provide excellent education and know what the students are up to.

But I may be wrong, of course.

[Sw17mamma17]

Everyone has the right to make whatever decision they want for their children's education. I certainly have made decisions to make my children happy and be safeguarded as oppose to my moral principals.

However, the fundamental problem with this post was the attacking of a system which many people use and work within with amazing results, and they feel attacked back when people fundamentally disagree with what you say. You can't put out sweeping statements like this and not expect a response.

The bullied become bullies!!,

[waitingforgodot]

Dear SW17mamma17,

I am afraid I dont understand why you feel attacked. If you think the system achieves amazing results you would just feel sorry for the woman spending thousands of pound in private schooling for nothing.

I personally feel the system achieves amazing results for some kids but fails many others. And lets face it, we live in a country run almost completely by privately schooled men.

I, myself, am jealous of PrivateSchool