Honesty required from mums with 2 children Post Reply

[Tinkerbell2012]

Ok, this is a somewhat personal and controversial question but I feel inclined to ask for some advice from mums who have two children. Do you ever regret having two? ...for whatever reason, be it financial, for your independence or any other reason. I know it's a very personal decision but I'd loved to hear from those with experience of 2.

[ckwmum]

Never. It's sometimes 50 times more work with 2, it's certainly more expensive, much less me time etc... But it's meeting the love of your life all over again. I wish I had twice as many arms but I definitely wouldn't change a thing about my kids.

[peppa]

Never. Of course its tricky balancing a small child and a new baby but then seeing them look after each other, play together, stick up for each other etc is amazing. I'm so glad they have each other to play with, even if they do fight half the time!

[Honeymummy]

same here, it's so nice that they have each other to play with and to care for, I feel very lucky I could have 2 children.
How about 3? I heard many people say that going from 2 to 3 makes a big difference and that it can be quite tricky to find a balance ?

[abbeville2]

The first year was so hard, i am amazed that I made it. Now everyday is easier and easier and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[topmama]

Never, although the first few months with 2 was difficult. My 2 fight with each other but are also best friends and play together. If money/space wasn't an option I would love 2 more!!

[stayathomemuminsw11]

I had my second child, a little boy, 12 weeks ago, and I will fully admit I had reservations about having number two. In fact I would go as far as saying my husband talked me into it. I was worried about the impact having a new baby would have on our family-and I was very happy with how things were, I had a lovely relationship with my daughter, she was at nursery school 5 mornings a week so I had some time back for myself and to do bits of work etc. Also we only have a 2 bedroom flat and I didn't really want to squeeze two kids into it.

Anyway, we made the decision to have number 2, and I got pregnant first month of trying. I'll admit to feeling pretty scared and apprehensive about the prospect of another baby.

I had a horrendous birth (semi emergency c-section under general anesthetic) with a few problems with my recovery afterwards, and for the first 2 weeks of his life I would say I wasn't coping (outwardly I was fine, and I put on a brave face for my friends and family) but I really felt wobbly about everything.

BUT now, 12 weeks on, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my little boy very much, and I can see how having a sibling has already been good for my daughter. I also feel like we are a 'proper' family now, and I love having two. We are still in the stage of sleep deprivation, and it is HARD work, but I certainly don't regret it. Yes we have less money, less time, and less sleep but the benefits FAR outweigh the negative aspects.

Hope that helps.

[Tinkerbell2012]

Thanks all. It's just all so financially scary. We are relatively well off but probably couldn't afford private secondary for two children and although I am totally open minded about Grammar schools / academies or good provincial state schools I feel that in this country you need to haven private funds as a back depending on which schools they do or don't get into and how bright / applied they are. It must seem terrible to some of you that I would question a second based on finances but I value good education, a relatively spacious place to live (we would have to put two in the same room) , holidays abroad and dinners out at least 2 or three times a month. People say go with your gut but my gut is divided!

[stayathomemuminsw11]

I worry ALL the time about the financial side... especially secondary school fees as you say... It's very tough but I (personally) think the benefits of having two outweigh everything else.

Good luck, it's a hard decision. I felt VERY similar to you, and now feel very happy with our decision to have another baby.

[supergirl]

Gosh, life would just be easier with one, in every aspects of it. I can hear myself sometimes think it. But on the other hand, the way they get on, the way they share their stuffs amongst each other, the way they looked at for each other when i returned to work part time and a nanny started, the way they learn from each other (to resolve an argument, to negotiate with each other, to create stories, to know when to stop, etc).
Yep, def "poorer" with 2, but def happier. Especially when they gang up against me (drives me nuts but woukdnt have it any other way).
It s expensive to give your child a sibling and it us hard (especially the first year), but you would give the best gift in the world: the possibility to have a close bond with someone AND the possibility to learn about social rules.
Yes, go with your gut feeling and dont do it because you have to but because you want to.

Sx

[kgarner]

I have nearly 5 years between my two (the first started Reception when the baby was a month old). I would have been happy to stick at one (obviously wuold not be without number 2 now!) and do miss the times the older boy and I used to have together by ourselves. However, I would say this is the perfect age gap- very little rivalry as they are quite far apart in age, and while I get the baby to myself all day, I try to plan outings with the elder at the weekend (even just shopping trips) while my husband minds the younger. My elder turned 5 when baby was 3 months old and is a great help to me. I'm very glad I didn't have them closer together.

[Writerlady]

I speak as one who has moved onto another stage. My two are 9 and 7 now. Yes, it's very hard the first couple of years, but they will entertain each other, which makes life a lot easier than entertaining one on your own! I am an only child, and wonderful as my mother was, i hate to think of the hours she spent playing Monolpoly with me! It may seem fine now, but it's so much easier with two as they grow up. Also, not to be depressing, but i am now have elderly and sick parents, and no sibling to share the responsibility with. My husband is amazing, but when it comes to your parents' it's not (I imagine) the same as having a siblng.

Have another one. You won't regret it. Just take a deep breath and get on with it (as my blunt northern husband said to me)!!

Good luck.

[momtomum]

We have four, so I know that's even more. A few thoughts.

The transition to a second child (or third or fourth) is hard. The first weeks and months are just a huge change. But it does get better - and once they are old enough to play together it gets much easier. In some ways it's easier to have a house full of kids than one - mostly becuase I do not feel this pressure to keep them entertained with playdates and activities because they have a great time together. There's always someone doing something interesting. It definitely gets easier once they are all out of diapers and buggies!

I think giving a child their own bedroom is overrated. Most of us share bedrooms with our partners - why shouldn't kids share bedrooms and learn to consider the needs and feelings of others? Having to do life with siblings teaches children to share and I think it's good practice for the rest of life. Our three boys share a bedroom and they LOVE it now (between ages 4 and 8). We'll probably try to have a bit more space when they are teens, but for now we don't mind being in a small house at all.

Having a bigger family is expensive, but I wouldn't trade my kids for more vacations or a bigger budget for anything.

[AbbevilleMummy]

I agree with everyone else, I have never had a regret.

Having my son completed our family. I have a one year old and three year old. Our little boy is adored by all of us and despite the first year of having 2 was the hardest year of my life, I still wouldn't change a thing.

I also had reservations before I had him of upsetting the apple cart as we were so happy but our happiness now just doesn't compare.

Financially I wouldn't worry. It's not that much more expensive initially, it's just the school fees aspect that's an issue, but it's quite some time from now until you have to worry about that. And don't worry about sharing a bedroom, kids want to, it's no hardship. My husband grew up in a huge house but always shared with his siblings out of choice.

[Tinkerbell2012]

It's so lovely to hear from so many down to earth mothers! You are the sorts of mums I was hoping to hear from - realistic but warm. Thank you.