TOTALLY SHOCKED AT SUCH IGNORANT PEOPLE Post Reply

[dancing_queen59]

Well I am in total and utter shock! Just brought my children into Nero for lunch. One of the boys starts having a tantrum (which lasted all of 5 minutes by the way). During the tantrum a woman came up to us and said to Myles can you keep it down (I thought she was just trying to help at first). Then she went back to her seat and started shouting across the restaurant how he was being too noisy. Then she came back up to our table and said, "Is he Autistic as if he is then fine". This comment appalled me. She then said you need to control him and communicate with him as he would listen then. At the same time as she is having a go another bloke (also with a laptop, they were obviously both using it as an office) decided to get involved saying that we can't control our kids. I said it was a public place and to go to a library if he wanted quiet and he said it wasn't a public place and that we were selfish and driving people out all because I couldn't control my child. Thank God there was one woman there who said we didn't do anything wrong and that it was normal 3 year old behaviour. I am in total shock that 2 individual customers can lay into someone like that. 

[nuttymummy]

If it really only did last a few minutes and you were visibly trying to remedy the situation then they should have totally backed off. As you say they probably consider it 'their office' and maybe there had been someone else prior to you who worked them up & you got the brunt of it -whatever the reason it's really horrible to find yourself in that position & I hope your day improves.

[BalhamMumWorkingFT]

We've all been there before. Sorry you had to deal with rude comments and a screaming child. I think 3 year old tantrums can be worse than 2 year old tantrums...

[kcai]

I actually went through something similar earlier this week. Walked into Nero intending to get a coffee (for me) and a snack for my 2 year old. She was grizzling when we entered, and I immediately got a glare off a laptop user near the entrance. Since the place was fairly busy I left and found a wonderful welcome just down the road at Belle Amie (sp?). I might add that her grizzling lasted about two minutes maximum.

I have "worked" in cafes and have always gone in with the mindset that if someone is loud, that's a risk I run by going out into public - if I wanted complete peace and quiet a cafe is the wrong place to be.

[Deearnas]

unbelievable they have probably never had children and don'tt realise you make the situation worse if you intervene. Such rude people around

[Vives09]

If you're talking about Cafe Nero in Earlsfield, there are always people in there on laptops working, just as there are always babies and toddlers in there. Most of the time the two groups of people co-exist quite well and a certain amount of tolerance is given but that seems to have failed this time.

I wouldn't take it too personally, I know how it is when one of my children have thrown a massive tantrum somewhere, there's not a lot you can do. At the same time five minutes is actually quite a long time to listen to crying when you're trying to concentrate on something so I can imagine why the other occupants of the cafe were feeling agitated too. They should probably have kept quiet though as I doubt if their input helped much, but people aren't perfectly behaved, even grown ups :/

[SFMC]

Wow! I would have found such comments very upsetting - especially in such a stressful situation as trying to calm a toddler.
Some people are very intolerant generally. and sometimes I think if people don't have kids they have no idea (I think I use to be a clueless childless person once upon a time!)
I have to say if they have important work to do I don't think they should go to cafe Nero!
Sorry you had to go through this.

I would have hoped if your child really upset them for whatever reason they could have approached the issue in a much better way.
Glad someone backed you up!

[Samalawl]

I'm sorry you had to go through this, I was in Clapham junction last week an my 3 year old decided to scoot off as fast as he could down the street, despite my calling him to stop he continued and I ended up running with the buggy, I happened to catch up with him outside McDonald's and gave him a stern telling off along with a little pop on the hand to teach him he could not do that, well the reaction I got from the charity workers you would have thought I'd ordered his head on a platter!!!! They gave me the dirtiest look and actually bent down to try console my child who was obviously upset from having a telling off. I'm sorry for trying to teach my child right from wrong, so next time I should let him accidentally scoot into the road and get hit by a bus?! Ugh !

[BalhamDad]

There are lots of coffee shops and you get to know the ones that are actively child-friendly and those that incline to the culture of a catered work space. Just as a home worker would be naive to go to Bertie & Boo expecting peace and quiet, I guess one needs to get a sense of each of the chain cafes and independents in your area before venturing in with an unexploded toddler. As a parent of a former toddler, I know that's easier said than done.

[wasateacher]

Without knowing the circumstances in this case, I do get annoyed when parents take children out and then assume everyone is eager to share them. If I go out for a coffee it would be to meet friends and talk. I really don't want children screaming (nor, for that matter, people loudly discussing business on phones!). I do have sympathy for parents who are trying to control their child (I complimented one mother in Asda the other day for resisting the bribery screams of her child). I do not have sympathy for those who lack respect for other people and that includes parents who allow their child to interfere with the rights of others.

No, I don't have children and never wanted any. However, I do love interacting with children but time and place is important.

[ally30_1998]

It's always a difficult issue this one....
Having done the autistic toddler thing many years ago, I would agree that people can be appallingly judgemental. That said, parents of toddlers can be appallingly selfish when it comes to 'sharing' their kids behaviour!

I always worked on the basis that if I was somewhere it was impossible to avoid (ie doing my shopping in a supermarket, casualty dept, doctors waiting room etc) then if my angel kicked off, it was unfortunate but unavoidable as I wasn't able to leave the premises (and there really is very little you can do once an auti has lit the touch paper other than damage control).
I was brave and did take him to cafes and so on and if he kicked off I would give him visual warning to be quiet or he would be taken out ( and away from whatever I was I was bribing him with to sit at a table!).
Granted he didn't have the best understanding due to being auti, but a child really doesn't need to be that bright to link your actions to their actions, so he learnt to behave appropriately in time.
I think for me it was a necessity to be like this otherwise I would have ended up with a kid I couldn't ever have taken anywhere, as that 3 year soon turns in to a 6 year old, and when a 6 year old kicks off you really know about it (so does the furniture, people's ankles and so on...).
Referring to the lady who was in Clapham junction with her kid scootering down the road..... I'm sorry to say,but this really does get me down as a pedestrian with mobility issues. It's really difficult to dodge when they are going so fast and, lets face it, if it was school age child on a bike going along like that on a pavement, you'd be rightly annoyed.
If your kid isn't yet old enough to be under control on one of these things then they shouldn't be taken out in crowded pedestrian areas like the junction.
We hardly lack safe open spaces for them to learn and practise in.
Equally, I agree it's annoying to be undermined by a group of 20 something chuggers when you are disciplining your child! Grrrr!
I

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

Sometimes our intolerance to other people amazes me. We live in one of the most populous capitals in Europe and we are all going to come across people that we don't want to be near but the intolerance especially to mothers with children in public astounds me at times. What you went through was nothing more than intimidating and bullying behaviour in my opinion. I don't understand how anyone can think its right to go up to someone and have a go about how they are bringing up their child unless you see a child being abused in which case obviously inform the authorities.
If you weren't with your child and someone came up to you in a cafe and had shouted at you, insulted you or told you to leave that would be terrible so why do people think its ok if you are with a child? What sort of behaviour is that for children to see?
Cafes have a business to run, some of the key customers during the week are parents with children and people working on computers hence the provision of high chairs, babycinos and free wifi so both customers have to accept each other if they want to use the premises.
Dancing Queen - you were a great example of decorum, if it had been me I'd have told them to go get a proper job!

[clapset]

2 things

- when some people let their kids run riot (and I mean let them run riot not just be kids) it can be annoying especially when they look like they just don't care or are too important to care that your space has been invaded - it's not the kids fault as they are just kids ...

BUT ..

- tell me where these cafes are - I will take my kid there and if he makes noise and anyone kicks off I will invite the person to have laptop sprinkles on their skinny capu, because sometimes kids just make noise!

Does that make sense? It's a sort for and against argument ... but not against kids

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

Responsible parenting and a caring community.

[Scottov]

My wife and I eat out a lot, and so our toddler is fairly well trained and mannered about being in public. Not everything goes to plan always, and if we can't calm things down quickly one of us will take her outside to calm down - other people shouldn't have to put up with us standing obliviously by

Sometimes children have melt downs, that's normal and it can't be helped. As long as you do what you can then I think everyone is happy.

An alternative story from yesterday, and I think this mother is a terrible parent and should be ashamed. Anyone who thinks this behaviour is ok can also go to back of the class

I was in Balham Family Practice on Bedford Hill yesterday morning, around 10:15. Sitting down waiting for my appointment.

A young lad, well dressed, about 2.5 maybe 3, at a guess quietly comes up next to me and throws all the magazines on the floor from the table next to me and in front of me. No tantrum, just quietly does this. Nb. I don't care about this in the slightest, it happens, no big deal.

The mother notices, comes up to him and coo's "oh sausage, don't do that sausage, no..." He carries on to finish off the last of them and has made quiet the mess.

Again, fine no problem. Who hasn't been there?

Does she stop him? No
Does she pick up the mess? No?
Does she apologise to anyone else? No
She plays with him for a moment, and puts him in his buggy. He is not upset or tantruming mind you. I'm wondering when she is going to make at least a gesture to the mess.

Nope. Ignores it completely, then wheels him out of a busy surgery no doubt expecting the nurses or someone else to clean up after her/him

This is appalling, absolutely atrocious.

So I and another chap pick up the mess, shaking our heads at how rude and inconsiderate this person was.

Did it matter so much? No, that's the problem it was a small question of manners which required very little to acknowledge or attempt to put right. Its the small things that show someone's character.

I cannot believe this mother thought it was OK to just walk out and expect others to clean up after her. What sort of message does that send the young lad?