Sad after stopping Breastfeeding, need support/to share Post Reply

[vq1234]

Thank you so much, that is very interesting reading!
It is hard and I know will always be tough when other mothers are feeding around me, but I know I have done the right thing. He got 7 weeks of breast milk in total and I am so grateful that he takes a bottle at all as I know that can cause further problems which can be just as distressing as the whole breast feeding debacle!
Thanks again all x

[emsken]

The problem with nowadays is that there is soooouch pressure to breast feed!

My daughter breasted perfectly for 6 months... My son was miserable for 9 weeks, I tries two days of formula feeding and he was soooo muh happier, so decides to drop the breast feeding....
Don't feel guilty, you have to do what is right for you both and the first 6 weeks is the most important so you have done amaingy well!

From my experience BF and bottle feeding has has no difference on my two, but my son did sleep through the night from 9 weeks!!!

Don't stress... You have made the decision and time to move on. There will be plenty more time to stress over other thing, so just enjoy your baby for now!

[EJT2012]

Thais made me so sad because I had a very similar experience except mine was down to the fact that I didn't have a natural birth (emergency c section as I didn't dilate despite going into labour naturally). I can't tell you how much I beat myself up because my body had let me down. And then someone pointed out that I had grown my beautiful baby girl inside me for 9 months and that she was healthy and actually that's all that matters.

A midwife said to me once.....a baby isn't breastfed or bottle-fed.....they are milk fed and hat made so much sense. Forget all those people who are telling you what you should do.....you have done your best and sometimes breast feeding just doesn't happen for everyone. As long as your baby gets their milk that is the most important thig because you can provide all the other things (a bed for them to sleep in, clothes for them to wear and a very loving mummy).

I wasn't breastfed as a baby and my sister was, and honestly the relationship with my mum and my health has been virtually identical to my sister. Don't go thinking or looking for a difference just because it didn't work out for you.

I also found that when giving baby a bottle they really look you in the eye and it still brigs tears to my eyes now (7 months on!!!).

Enjoy your baby and try not to beat yourself up anymore....good luck!! X

[Bubs]

I know that feeling so well. I've had to stop earlier than planned with both of mine, after a horrible time. I felt exactly as you do now, and all I can say is give yourself time - it gets so much easier and you WILL start to care less, I promise.

Your friends who are successfully b/feeding (very lucky, and sincerely well done to them) will come across their own issues in time I'm sure .... when they want their body back, when they tire of having to wear certain clothes, when they want a good drink without having to express or having exploding sore boobs, and ultimately sometimes when they really want to wean their little ones onto a bottle and struggle (that's equally heartbreaking). I'm not at all anti-b/feeding, as this probably sounds, but just want to show you it's not all cuddles and happiness on that side of the fence too - for when those horrible green-eyed tear-pricking moments occur. Snip open your formula and keep your head up, it's a state of mind, you're feeding your baby, who I'm sure is thriving.

I was reduced to tears by an old tramp outside Asda once when formula feeding my first and he shouted at me "breast is best love" - the shame !!!!

My second has had lots of tummy issues and is on a prescription formula and restricted diet. How I dearly wish I could give her a carton of formula, or some cows milk. That really brought it home to me how I never should have worried so much over my first.

Be happy, keep your head high, enjoy your healthy little baby - who you grew perfectly, delivered and who you're now feeding what s/he needs in the best way YOU can. The guilt will pass (and no doubt be replaced by guilt about something else ..... welcome to motherhood )

[millymoo]

Couldn't agree more with these posts - just keep remembering there is SO much more to being a mum than b-feeding after all you two are going to have a lifetime together...right now it feels like feeding is the most important thing in the world but that won't last forever once your little person starts to notice the world around them and more importantly realise how special you are!
Also so sorry to hear you had mastitis and you are right, it can make you feel very low emotionally and in my exp not many health professionals really understand that.
Hang in there, you are doing a wonderful job!

[ellesmum]

I can completely understand, too. I also experienced the disappointment of not being able to breastfeed, and the grief that followed. In the three weeks that I tried, I never got my little girl to latch on once (the bullying breastfeeding "support" people never managed to pick up her tongue tie), and I only ever managed to express 150mls of milk, which I quickly extracted during the 5 minutes when milk actually came into one of them! It was treated like the liquid of the Gods, and I was determined that not a drop would be spilled!! So, that was all the "Mummy Milk" my daughter ever got. But, she's now a lively, healthy, happy, intelligent, perfectly-proportioned 5 year old, who I have a wonderful relationship with & who adores me as much as I adore her. I look back now, and although I still get sad sometimes and feel I missed out, I also wish I had made the decision to give up trying sooner. I spent those first three weeks bonding with a breast pump instead of my daughter, torturing myself over my inability to breastfeed rather than congratulating myself on the beautiful little girl I had produced, and crying every time I gave her formula because the propaganda had left me believing I was poisoning her with every drop! I mean, really, how ridiculous is that?! The one thing I was lucky about was that virtually all my friends were going through the same thing - because, contrary to the mantra imparted in every antenatal class, NOT every woman can do it! In fact, there are very few women who can do it with ease. That's why formula was invented - because babies either starved or a wet nurse had to be sourced, quickly. Formula isn't the devils liquid - it's a highly researched food, which has all the nutrients a baby needs (some of which they may not have received had the mother not had the nutrients to give). I'm not saying it's better than breastmilk, because it's not, but it's a damned good alternative when the only other options are starvation or handing your baby over to someone else to feed! Other pros were that I could hold my daughter close to my face and kiss her soft little forehead as I was feeding her, which I would have found difficult to do whilst breastfeeding, and that amazing sleeping through the night thing.
I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but, honestly, don't spend time agonising over it if it means missing out on precious minutes with your newborn. They grow up too quickly, and you want memories of them which aren't tainted by those feelings of despair. When I think about my daughter's early days, they come hand in hand with negative thoughts about everything I went through. Don't go there. Let it go as much as you can and move on. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You did the best thing for both of you, and put your child's need to eat above your own need to breastfeed. How awesome is that?! THAT is being a mum

[Heavens to Betsy]

I am sure you will look back at all this and laugh, or maybe smile wryly when you have been through all the other stages of parenting. ie toddler tantrums, getting into a school you are happy with, and eventually the joy (!) that is teenagers. I am sure you will barely remember your worries over breast v bottle, because take it from this old timer, that it will be so far back in the mists of time and worries, you really will laugh at how you fretted over it.

I didn't breast feed either of mine, for more than a week, and both have grown into everything you could wish for in your children. The teenage years as I said were and for the second child still are a turbulent time, but I have never thought they would have been cleverer, healthier, more bonded, more anything than they are if they had been breast fed. They are perfect progeny just as they are!!

My husband carried my second son (who was born with a congenital heart defect and underwent open heart surgery at 5 days old) around in a sling for six weeks after his return from hospital. He bottle fed him at night for me, and kept him next to his body day and night. My husband had terminal cancer, and knew that his time was limited and he died a few years later, but that period of bonding was the most precious experience for both of them. It had NOTHING to do with breast feeding, loving and nurturing are FAR more important, take it from me! And trust me you will look back and smile wryly at this in years to come.

Best wishes.

[MyBreastfedBaby]

I just wanted to say, first of all, how sorry I am to hear what a horrendous time you have had.

And second, that I do hope that you find someone very supportive to talk through all this, your feelings are not selfish at all and many mums can find that there are some really strong feelings, grief and anger, around many aspects of birth, breastfeeding and becoming a parent. Find someone who knows how to listen; you might find this surprising, but breastfeeding counsellors are trained in *listening* to mothers, and one of their roles is in fact helping mothers talk through the end of breastfeeding. If you ring one of the breastfeeding helplines (LLL, NCT, ABM, BfN, or National BF Helpline (which is ABM and BfN)), you will get put through to someone who has done that training, not just a peer supporter, and you can talk anonymously too. If the person who answers is not the right person to help you, try again if you can at a different time.

Even just writing down everything that happened and how you feel can be a huge relief!

Lastly I'm a little concerned about whether you have some specialist help getting you and your body through bringing your milk supply down safely to reduce the chance of a blocked duct triggering the whole thing off again -- your situation sounds fairly complex, so you would probably need help from a trained breastfeeding specialist such as an accredited breastfeeding counsellor or an IBCLC. Again the breastfeeding helplines are a start, or find a local NCT or LLL breastfeeding counsellor, or an IBCLC at http://www.LCGB.org

And the mums who have reassured you about how lots of cuddles and snuggles with your baby are so, so important are so right -- your baby loves YOU, his very own mum, he knows the sound of your heartbeat from all those weeks inside, he loves *your* warmth, *your* smell, *your* arms around him.

[dudette]

It makes me really angry to read that the flippin' breast is best lobby make women feel so bad about their inability to breast feed. I had a double mastectomy before my kids were born so neither of them got a single drop of breast milk. Instead they tucked into the formula with gusto, Daddy was able to feed them too and bond with them much better than most dads and they were lovely, easy babies. If breast milk is so essential why aren't lactating women queueing up to donate to breast banks so women like me (and you) could use it? Just count your blessings that you've got a lovely healthy baby and don't beat yourself up. Maybe we should start a Formula is Fine counter-lobby!!

[BFW]

I was also so sad reading your postVQ1234 – you poor thing. New mums are put under so much pressure to breastfeed these days. I am not sure whether it’s because of the NCT classes… I did love doing the NCT classes and I have made some amazing friends but afterwards I was terrified at the prospect on not being able to breastfeed. I breastfed my first baby for 6 months and it was relatively easy, but when my second one arrived I really struggled. I think the close age gap meant that I was exhausted and my little boy was constantly hungry. I thought that it was not fair to my second to stop and really persevered despite feeling really depressed about not feeling like I was giving him enough milk. I made an appointment with my midwife who told me that it was impossible to not have enough milk and that I had to feed on demand for a few weeks to increase my milk flow. Not easy with a 16 month old running around all day !!! I would also spend hours on the pump trying to increase my milk supply and sometimes after 1 hour I could barely produce 1 ounce. I was so low and in tears pretty much all the time until my mum came to stay. She went out to Boots and came back with Formula and bottles, fed my little boy who for the first time since he was born slept for more than 2 hours !! So I ended up giving up after 5 horrendous weeks – I was a happier mum and I had a much happier baby ! Health wise – there is absolutely no difference in my kids between the ones that were breastfed and my little boy who was on Formula.
So good luck with it all but please don’t be low about it and enjoy your little gorgeous baby !!

[supergirl]

Hi there

I hope you are feeling a bit better. I am sorry you felt like that and felt so strongly about it. Of course you would given the amount of pressure (NCT I talking about you) that is put on women to breastfeed...

Ultimately, you need to be fit and painless in order to enjoy and engage with your new(ish) baby. So you made the right decision and please do not let anyone making you feel bad. You are a good mum because you have made the right decision at the right time.
We all make mistakes, but a good mum/dad is capable of making the right decision when it comes to it and you've done it regardless of how hard it must have been.

Formula milk are great now (compare to 30yrs ago). Your baby will be fine because his mum will not be in pain anymore.

Take care. Sx

[EatMoreCake]

Hello there!

Do NOT beat yourself up about this! I am sure you are doing a MARVELLOUS job of mothering your baby as it is, and man alive motherhood is tough enough without the added pressure of breastfeeding, if it's just not working out for you. A friend of mine had a tough time like you, with thrust, mastitis etc and in the end, when it was properly diagnosed etc, the gp couldn't believe she'd persevered through the pain. But she'd had so many lectures from midwives about what was "best" for her baby that she ploughed on... Another couple of friends had really low milk supplies and couldn't breastfeed either.

I breastfed for a good nine months, but it never fails to enrage me when I read about / hear / see people being pressurised to carry on, if it's just not feasible.

Your child will be absolutely FINE on formula, and you should congratulate yourself on making a very sensible decision, which will make you a happier mummy and therefore having a happier baby too.

Good luck! Xo

[nvmof3]

Hi, just wanted to mention that I know of someone who when in hospital having a breast abscess drained, contracted MRSA and nearly died. If the doctors have told you that you are high risk for similar problems again, then it sounds as if you made the absolutely right decision for both you and your baby.
I hope the support you have had on this site makes you feel better. I am one of four bottle fed babies and my siblings and I have grown up healthy, happy, well bonded with our Mummy, happily married and with healthy happy bonded children of our own. As far as I see it, breast feeding is an option some people have and not at all an imperative.
Good luck

[firsttimerSW11]

I just want to say to you that using formula does not make you a bad mother. Back when I was a baby, formula was being pushed. Not saying it's better or was better then but the fact is many adults in their 30s were bottle fed and have lived to tell the tale and are pretty successful, healthy adults. I'm pregnant and the amount of propoganda in the &C&W ante natal clinic for breastfeeding is unbelievable. Examples include having money for that new handbag due to the money you'll save on buying formula or that you will get your figure back quicker etc.
It's all tosh if you ask me. As someone who has actively decided to formula feed when the baby comes, I feel not the slightest bit of guilt in my decision. I accept that breast is the natural option but I fully believe that formula is an almost perfect subject and all that rubbish about breastfed babies are healthier, less obese, smarter etc is all scaremongering.
A happy mum = a happy baby so pat yourself on the back on your lovely little baby and do remember it's in your baby's interest that you're happy. Absolutely nothing with bottle feeding.. Good luck, you sound like a fab mum x

[PipG]

Hey there

Firstly I feel for you. I also want to tell you that it is simply just not worth this agony.

I had a tough time feeding my daughter. She would feed for 1.5/2 hours and then i would have an hours rest and be back on again. At the same time she was crying all the time and losing weight. I went to lots of clinics desperate not to give up and was given conflicting advice at most of them. I started to formula top up after a feed and she would take more than an entire portion of formula after being breastfed for almost 2 hours. It was killing me and I was in tears about it.

I ended up part breastfeeding and part formula feeding and I don't regret it one bit. I do remember feeling really inadequate as I got my formula out in public though (I could never BF in public as I would have been there for so long).

As I said, it is simply not worth it and the most important thing is that your baby is fed, regardless of how.

You will look back in a few months time and realise that it's not worth the anguish. Please enjoy your maternity leave and enjoy your baby.

Big hugs
xx