Help - once placid 4 yr old now biting and hitting!! Post Reply

[danijeanne]

My lovely little boy has just become so frustrated about everything at the moment! It is driving us all mad and is making everyone so upset and stressed. He used to be very placid but also very shy and unconfident in making new friends, not joining in at parties etc but that has changed recently which is great as he is more confident with people and I'm so happy about that however at the same time the biting, frustration happened. If he doesn't get his own way he bites. We have tried everything from tokens/stickers for days out, to removing toys and no computer, no treats and his sister still allowed them - again not fussed. We have tried time outs - he gets upset at the time but then does it again. I have tried ignoring it and praising good behaviour but when he bites his sister obviously he needs to be punished in some way.

My parents are staying with me and are also very disapproving and I just want them to see what a lovely boy he is. He is very kind and a loving boy just I know is frustrated but it can't carry on! He does have speech therapy as can't say a few sounds and i find him hard to understand at times but he enjoys it and always excited about going.

Just wondered whether anyone has experienced the same and what advice anyone can give me. I really am out of ideas!! Please though no bite him back comments as into opinion it isn't the right thing to do and I would never hurt my child.

Thank you

[Jetsettingbaby]

My little boy who is 3 and half has also started doing this. He also has problems with his speech which I understand can frustrate them. I have asked his teachers at school what to do as he was always shy and well behaved and would never hurt anyone and now I am scared to have play dates as he has started hitting and pushing. His teachers have said it is a his age, testosterone kicks in a bit more and also on your reaction. So for example obviously Iam horrified and give out to his straight away when he does something naughty but Iam giving him attention ok it's negative attention but Iam animated in the way that Iam cross. We have also just had a new baby so they mentioned this could be the cause for the need to get my attention. Has anything changed in your sons routine? If you try to simply not react ( which is so hard) a s just say no and that is it and place him on a naughty step for time out maybe this would work? Each child is different but do know you a great mum and every child goes through this phase no matter what anyone says. Good luck

[LidoLady]

Our oldest son went through a phase at about 5 of pushing children over etc and (in some ways worse) laughing at them when they fell down or had a mishap. He had been rather timid before. His infant school teacher, who was very experienced, advised me to 'back off' and not put any pressure on him over anything and, although I felt there wasn't a lot of pressure as such, I did try to make the trip to school (which involved driving) much calmer, stopped nagging about piano practice, reading etc and also tried to make bedtimes a bit earlier and happier/calmer. After a very short time the problem pretty went away. We also had a very good nanny at the time and she simply said to him 'if you hurt people they will be sad and feel upset' ie explained it in VERY simple terms but without being cross with him. For what it's worth, I found this way of talking to young children really effective over the years (we have 3, now 13, 17 and 20). It worked a lot better than shouting at them and telling them off although you sometimes do need to do that too! I would go as far as to say that even talking to the 20 year old, I've found it better to discuss things in a very calm, simle, non-accusatory way. It helps to make eye contact too - even with the 20 year old!