play park etiquette!!!! Post Reply

[ordinarygirl09]

I've just got home from the play park on Clapham Common and I am speechless at the actions of a little boy's mother...

My daughter (17 months) toddled over to play on the climbing frame, this little boy (about 2, maybe bit older) came over and pushed my daughter. I said to him that they could both play on the climbing frame, but he was having none of it and pushed my daughter harder. I looked at his mum, who looked up from reading her magazine (honestly) and said that she was sorry but "there's nothing I can do about Charlie's behaviour at the moment, he's going through a stage and if I stop him doing anything, we just end up fighting"

I kid you not....! When did that behaviour from a parent become okay? Standing reading a magazine, while your child does anything he fancies...? I was so shocked I never said anything and now I regret it. I should have said something and will in the future..

Anyway, rant over, I feel better for venting

[mumtozoe]

That's terrible! How is he ever going to learn right from wrong, and not to hurt other kids?! Honestly. Yes, children go through 'stages', but that doesn't mean you just ignore them, especially when they're hurting other children. Sounds like the little boy is in charge there, not the mum...

Hope your little girl is ok.

[LadyInRed]

I would probably do something about little Charles behaviour myself even if it meant to end up fighting with both mum and son.

[Devi]

ghastly! like you, i hate not being able to say something appropriate to such parents, but one may be left speechless when things like this happen. i feel sorry for poor Charles--not getting good guidance this early from a parent does not bode well for his future. hopefully she'll get her act together and it was temporary bunk from parenthood.

[MrsAmanda]

Oh my goodness! We go to the Clapham Common Playground most days; if a child - especially if they did it twice - shoved my son, words would definitely be had. I'm speechless at the mother's behaviour.

We go to the One o'Clock club next door and there's one particular boy who constantly comes and snatches away the toy my son's playing with. I can never find his carer at the time of the incidents so I've had words with the child about sharing!

[ordinarygirl09]

Thanks all for kind words and agreement. I felt a bit silly posting at first but I was so angry, now I feel better that I did post.

In future I will not be so reticent about saying something to a parent even if it means causing an awkward situation. I felt I did my daughter a dis-service for not sticking up for her more.

[Gabby]

Poor little Charlie - how on earth's he going to learn what's right and what's wrong? Thank goodness he didn't push my daughter or I'd have given him a proper talking to! I did that the other day - I was calm and polite but bent down and told the child VERY clearly that pushing is not nice and made him apologise to my daughter - the mother was speechless...

[ordinarygirl09]

Good for you Gabby, I will be taking a leaf out of your book in future.
It's horrible when a parent leaves someone else to deal with the discipline of their child!

[MrsAmanda]

Veering off-topic a bit, to save someone a wasted journey if they don't know, the playground is closed!
I went this morning, and there was a padlock on the gate and a van parked in there. I assume they're doing some maintenance. There was some scribble on the wall saying they're reopening at 3.30 on Tuesday and Thursday, so have no idea what's correct!!

[littlefeet]

Ohhh!!! Firstly I do hope your little one is ok.
Secondly I agree with your shock horror at the boy's Mum's attitude, however can I make a plea on behalf of Mum's with boisterous little boys having one myself that is 20 months, that although it is not very nice seeing your little one battered across the play ground it is far harder being the mother of the batterer and understanding why they are doing what they are doing....

My little chap is really gorgeous I promise! But he does have a tendency to push other little people of climbing frames which is somewhat disturbing as you can imagine. I assure you that I do not casually read my magazine on a park bench whilst he gets up to these antics and due to his behaviour I keep a very vigilant eye and stay close by in order to catch small children.... and reprimand my son! However I spoke with my friend who is a speech and language therapist specialising in 0-5 year olds who assures me that it is very much a developmental thing and is in response to lack of language. When I looked at the situation from his viewpoint I can totally understand why he does it. There he is climbing up the ladder to get to the top of the slide only to find he has somebody chasing him up right behind him and he feels pressured and because he can't turn round and say excuse me I feel a little intimidated by you coming up behind me or whatever the situation is he just pushes as it is his way of letting someone know that they have come too close and he doesn't like it! So from understanding the situation from his point of view it has helped me hugely in avoiding situations so that when I see a child coming up behind him because lets face it most children have no idea about other people's need for personal space, I will either ask the child to wait a moment to let him finish what he is doing or I get between my boy and the other one and do the chasing him up so that he doesn't push the other child.

Please lets not talk about thugs these are small children who are doing their absolute best to learn about their world and we should all try and understand the world from every child's perspective!

[ordinarygirl09]

HIi Littlefeet,

I hope you didn't think that I was in any way blaming the child for his behaviour, I am a teacher and well aware that children need rules and boundaries and when they are infants good behaviour must be modelled and set out by an adult.

My problem and disgust was with his mother who just could not be bothered disciplining nor taking responsibility for her child and as parents that is what we sign up for.

[JennyM]

Gosh, I'm really amazed the Mum didn't get up and apologise and deal with her naughty one! I have a lovely but boisterous little boy who can be a little thug-ish from time to time. I am at pains to always make sure he says sorry if he's out of order and to ensure I keep repeating right from wrong if he's been badly behaved towards other children.

It's hard work dealing with little ones who like to hit or push - I know - but if my child had shoved another child hard I would not have any problem with another Mum telling him off. In fact I've actually got other people involved before purposfully to show him that his behaviour needs to improve. Similarly, I have at times told other children off for hurting my children when a parent/carer has been mysteriously other-wise occupied! If you see the child again and it happens again, I'd say something to the child!

[mumhug]

What an awkward situation. I find the whole thing a minefield, and at the end of the day it does depend on the type of person the other parent is, in either situation. It does sound like the mum needs some help. She's shut down, gone into denial and doesn't know how to control her toddler. Hard to get out of! Help the mum, help the child... I'm not actually sure how to do that - any thoughts?

On another note:
I was out with my friend at the common one o' clock club when her little boy collided with a little girl and they fell over. I was distracted by my own toddler and she was looking after her newborn. We saw the tail end of it (ie - 2 toddlers lying on the floor) but missed what happened. The other mum had also missed it but was trying to probe her mute daughter for details, whilst eying us pointedly. It was clear she thought my friend's boy was in the wrong - maybe he was, we didn't see! She started to look militant and i thought there was going to to be a fight! There wasn't. Nobody knew what to say, awkward silence descended as could only happen in Britain and we went our separate ways.

What should we have done? Blindly assumed responsibility to make everyone feel better? Not great if it was just an accident. It was ages ago but so awkward it still troubles me.