Best friend diagnosed with Leukaemia... Post Reply

[littlebitloopy]

Hello All,

My beautiful best friend was diagnosed with Acute Adult Leukaemia yesterday after fainting and being taken to a&e on Saturday evening. She was started on chemo immediately last night which is expected to last 3-4 weeks depending on how well her body responds to it. While I'm angry and confused as to how and why this has happened to such an amazing person, I kknow I need to stay strong and get my best friend through this. I'm just totally out of my depth here though, we're only 24, I've never experienced an illness like this before even with my older relatives so I don't know what to expect or what to do. What things I can do for her to help her feel a little bit better and remind her although she's unwell, she is still the little bursting ball of energy I love so much. I've offered my support to both her and her partner and I know staying strong and positive is really the only thing I can do, but if anyone can offer me some advice, I'd be so grateful.

[Bensmum]

HI

I fully sympathise with you and your friend. My Dad sadly died recently of cancer and it is a horrific disease.

The best advice I received was to focus on nutrition and excerise........sounds silly but a lot of the nutritionists at the hosiptal stay eat anything just to keep the weight on, now the weight element if massively important BUT eating the wrong foods is almost worse. I learnt that Cancer feeds of SUGAR so avoid that one and there are very healthy and nutrional ways to keep weight on.

This book was a godsend - Nourish the cancer care cookbook - http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1848 ... UTF8&psc=1

Making food for her and her family is incredibly helpful what with hospital visits and people coming and going we found we had very little time to eat properly.

The other massively important thing is Exercise take your friend for walks to coffee shops so she keeps up her fitness and if she is gym goer get her back into the gym as soon as she is able as that will help her feel better nad flush the toxins out of the body.

Finally laughing nad not treating her like an invalid will help her feel normal and that in itself is a great healer. Spend as much time with her as you can

I am really sorry you are having to go through this

Nikki

[juliantenniscoach]

Sorry to read this. I've had cancer twice and it's very difficult to give you specific advice without knowing you both personally. One thing I would advise anyone is to get a second opinion. Irrespective of how well you think your friend is being treated, I'd be dead without my second opinion.

How your friend reacts to the chemo will set the agenda as to your role if you want to be supportive. It's a thin line being supportive and suppressive.

Feel free to PM if you want. I was 24yrs first time round and knew less than nothing too!

[2boysmum]

Hi, I have been through exactly the same with my best friend. There is a book called "what can I do to help" which has some useful advice. There is no denying how hideous this is for your friend and the impotence you feel is overwhelming. Please feel free to pm me if it helps to talk to someone who has been through it. X

[Bee@lifeafterlondon]

So sorry to hear about this. It is the hardest news to hear about a friend. Two things I can suggest. Firstly it's be mentioned but I'd strongly recommend you buy http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Can-Help-P ... 1906021562. It's very practical and could help you. Secondly there is an amazing charity called maggies cancer caring centres. Based at charing cross hospital there is a very special place to visit, for both you, your friend and her family. I need to let you know I used to work for maggies but I can genuinely suggest you get in touch with them. They are highly qualified so its not just a place fortea and sympathy but v v good advice. They run support groups and courses for those with cancer or those caring for them. I really would suggest you he in touch with them for both of you.

Please excuse my typos. I am on my phone which isn't letting me edit!

[lalectrice]

Cancerkin is brilliant at offering support and additional therapies - e.g. counselling, groups involving people going through the same thing, as well as stuff like massage, reiki etc. Macmillan is invaluable for info and support too.

In terms of what you can do: listen and talk openly with your friend (if that's what she wants), and don't ******-foot nervously or with embarrassment around the topic. Get her little treats that show you're really thinking about what she's going through - e.g. something to read or listen to while she's hanging around in oncology or the 'chemo suite', a nice (odourless if she's feeling sick) handcream or lipsalve, a box set you can watch together as she's recovering etc. Make her food (cook it elsewhere and bring it round if she's feeling sick - avoid strong flavours for the same reason). Plan gentle activities out and in nature if she's up to it. That said, don't smother her in too much anxious attention! Treat her as normally as possible.

Remember that, as other posters have shown, cancer is a disease from which many people recover. Your love and support during this time will strengthen your relationship with your friend for life.

[Heavens to Betsy]

Paul's cancer Support centre... http://www.paulscancersupportcentre.org.uk

They offer absolutely invaluable support for patients, carers, and anyone affected by cancer. They are on York Road, Battersea.

Can't recommend them highly enough

[pix]

I can totally sympathise with you. My good friend Polly has been diagnosed a number of times and has been receiving treatment for years now. She is an absolute inspiration and has a website with raw food recipes http://www.pollynoble.com and she co-wrote a book called "The Cancer Journey" which helps anyone affected by cancer - including family & friends. She has good times and she has really, really tough times and its an honour to know and love such a positive person who is always full of fight. I hope your friend responds well to treatment and is much better really soon. With love x

[catty29a]

One of my closest, dearest friends was diagnosed last year with motor Neurone Disease. It's an aggressive, degenerative disease that will eventually kill her - she is now completely paralysed and dependent on carers, family and friends to do everything for her. It is utterly devastating to have a close friend become so ill and you have my absolute sympathy. It is not easy to be a friend - a real friend - to someone with a life-threatening or terminal illness. Here a few things I've learnt along the way with Sarah:
-Be there. Absolutely be there when you say you're going to be there, even when you don't feel like it, even when it's hard and stressful and so, so sad. Even when you've got 50 other things to do that seem more important. They're not.
- do not promise more than you can deliver. When sarah was first diagnosed I wanted to do everything and be everything and basically just make it better. My mother gave me this advice and it is good advice. Be realistic about what you can provide in terms of time, financial help etc...and then stick to what you promise.
-have someone else to talk to. I have another close friend who I speak to everyday. She is also very close to Sarah. But we are support for each other - we can rant and scream and cry to each other and this helps us be strong for Sarah.
- there will be days when you feel angry and frustrated with your friend - either for rational or irrational reasons. It's OK. Talk about this with someone. Express those feelings but not to your ill friend. She doesn't need your baggage.
- stay in touch. If you can't see her, send cards, emails etc...even if you don't get a response. Stay with them even if at times it seems that they don't want you. They do - sometimes it's just too tiring to let you know that.
-educate yourself about the illness but don't overload your friend with what you've learnt. It may be she doesn't want to know, she may already know or she may not have the energy to know right now but it's important that you understand the illness.
-be honest and upfront about the illness. Don't shy away from the fact that this is serious/terminal but don't be brutal and don't make it about you and your feelings.
- listen. Alot.
- Don't ask - suggest. Don't ask if there's 'anything' you can do to help but suggest that you do the shopping, bring things from cook, make dinner, provide childcare, take her to hospital/doctor visits.
-get other people to help. Make sure you're supported and don't take it all upon yourself. It's a hard, long road and it won't help your friend if you're emotionally and physically worn out.
Hope that helps xx

[South London Joiner]

The one bit of advice I would give is to keep as much normality as possible in your friends life.
My wife who is only fifty was recently diagnosed with Metastatic lung cancer & the one thing she wants more than anything is normality, We try and do as much as possible to keep things normal.

As others will tell you it can be a long road with real highs & real lows, you mention you don’t know what to expect or what to do, don’t worry that’s normal . But always stay positive & keep your friend positive. When my wife came out of intensive care in February they found she had a special mutation in her cancer that meant she qualified for one of the new targeted therapies, its one that’s been called a miracle drug in America, however it did not work & her cancer spread very aggressively In a matter of weeks, but we stayed strong and positive, because these days they are tying new combinations of chemotherapies that also have great results, My wife has just had three cycles of such a mix & the cancer has shrunk back by up to 50% in places.

Her oncologist believes a lot of the response is due to her very positive attitude & I can tell you this is as a result of the many great friends she has around her, treating her as normal, taking her out as normal, taking time just to send her little cards now and again telling her their thinking of her , it really makes the difference.

Another thing I’ve noticed is she prefers it when they chat straight to her, even ifs joking about what colour Wigs she could buy.

Also some of the other posters have recommended different cancer centers where both you & your friend can go for help don’t be afraid to go , & see if your friend would like to go, I was a bit reluctant when we were first approached about a hospice in Sutton & a cancer centre in purely, but then found out from one of My wife’s close friends that she actually wanted to visit them . It was hard at first but my wife has found it helpful and I have realized these places are not like they used to be years ago.

I have also found a lot of helpful advice on a cancer sight called Inspire for lung cancer, but I see there is also one for leukemia that might help you http://www.inspire.com/groups/leukemia- ... d-myeloma/

Sorry for the long winded post, but once again don’t worry about what to do, your already doing it by being a good friend.

[Hattie]

This blog is an inspirational journey. Read it and you may find all kinds of nuggets to hold in your heart over the coming weeks and months. I nursed both my parents (15 months apart) through their cancers to their ultimate ends, and agree that what they needed most was love, support and for things to be as normal as possible.

I wish you strength and courage!

www.clairewise.com

[littlebitloopy]

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and advice.

Its been such a confusing month for us all as im sure you can imagine, I just dont know where to start.

After my original post, I visited my friend every other day and tried to remain as normal as possible, which was actually quite easy as she didnt look or behave how I'd expect someone with cancer to be. Please excuse my naivity.

After two weeks, my beautiful girl was exhausted and was told that visits were no longer suitable as she had developed an infection.

I've kept in contact with her daily, I try not to call because I can understand she probably can't be bothered with chit chat, so we text most days. As the effects of the chemo and cancer have progressed, the down days seem to be here, there's been a couple times I've upset her with completely innocent conversation, it's difficult because while I understand she's scared and feeling very vulnerable, I'm not actually sure what should and shouldn't mention any more. I've stuck mainly with talk about what me and the kids have been up to... its awkward because I'm usually the joker of the group, since school she's loved my blunt attitude and brashness about things so now I'm in a situation where im scared to say certain things because I dont want to upset her. I miss making her laugh terribly. I have toned it down a lot, I can imagine an hour with me for even the fittest people might be a bit exhausting!

For now she seems to be doing well, her treatment plan seems to be on track and we've spoke about things to do for when she's stronger. I miss holding my best friends hand and seeing her smile terribly, but we can all see the light at the end of the tunnel which is very comforting.

Thank you all once again. X