Will broodiness/want for another child go away? Post Reply

[Widger]

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I'm just generally interested in knowing if your broodiness/want for another child ever left you?

I have two gorgeous healthy children and considering I didn't think I could ever have children (multiple miscarriages before my first), I feel so incredibly blessed. But, I can't shake off this feeling that I'd really love just one more child. My husband is done, but I don't feel done at all.

His thoughts are that he's getting on a bit and our 18 month old has been such a difficult sleeper that he'd go insane if we had to go through it all over again (considering we still aren't out of it). I appreciate that I really do, but a few people have become pregnant again with number 3 and I can't help but feel a jealousy that they are going to have another.

I didn't enjoy pregnancy last time, so I'm not looking at it with rose tinted glasses. I know it will be hard work to be pregnant again chasing after a 3 and 1.5 year old and then looking after a newborn, but it isn't putting me off. Don't get me wrong, I'm not crying over it at all - yet!

My question is, will this feeling pass? Am I mourning the fact I won't get to experience having another baby again? I'm well aware that a baby will turn into a little person and Im not broody in the sense I coo over just babies. Or am I in danger of it consuming me so much that I become miserable about it?

I know everyone is different but any experiences would be welcome

Thanks

[Widger]

Please could I have advice

[jessknits]

Widger you might be better off posting this on Mumsnet if you're after a bigger audience for advice - NappyValley is great as a local resourcel, but you might get a bit more of a response on Mumsnet...?
(I'm sorry I can't offer my own advice - so busy with our two also that I haven't had time out to think about 3!)

[kiwimummy]

Another vote for mumsnet on this one. I think you will get better advice. Don't post in am I bring unreasonable though! Find another gentler forum on the site like chat.

[peppermint]

Widger, hi, I had very similar prolonged emotional turmoil and it ended a couple of months ago. My youngest just turned three. It took us a long time to get pregnant both times, and I would love to go again through this wonderful experience of pregnancy and seeing your newborn for the first time and discovering their little personalities. Oh, and I also had rather difficult times, so very well aware of the hardships involved. But I was desperate to have a third one, I understand so well what you feel when you see others expecting their number three. I still have it sometimes. I so wanted one more. I love how different they are, and was so curious to see what the third one would be like.

But one day I suddenly had this thought: I simply will not cope with three. My number one is mildly autistic. I find it exhausting at times, so with three I might turn into a horrible mother, permanently tired and short-tempered, and end up being hated by kids and ruin their childhood. Seeing how expensive schooling and childcare are I also realised that we simply cannot afford a third one. On top of hard work that three kids require, we will not have money to afford good schools, nice holidays, a reasonable start-up capital for children. You know, I stopped wanting a third one.

Somewhere I heard that broody feeling is caused by hormones and lasts until your youngest child turns three, then it switches off. It did in my case and I could see things and rationalise, which I could not before. I may regret later, of course. And to be honest, I will not be too upset if I fall pregnant by accident )))

[MrsWB]

Widger it is funny I had been thinking of posting the same sort of message myself! Unfortunately I don't have an answer for you though. My two children are a little older than yours and I feel absolutely blessed to have them but part of me feels jealous when I see anyone who is expecting a third. And I feel I am really running out of time as am 42 next year. It feels like now or never for me. And I think if I am really honest with myself I know we won't (husband definitely doesn't want to) but I do wonder if I will live to regret it or if in time I will feel that this was the right choice....

PS Did you post on Mumsnet in the end? I too would love to know if anyone else has felt like this

[mumofsoontobetwo]

I also had a similar situation. Logically and rationally, I didn't want a third for a thousand reasons (money, space, time, sanity, travel and even things like overpopulation). Yet - I still sometimes felt jealous of other pregnant mums, or a little broody if I saw big families. My husband was absolutely not up for a third - and I kept thinking it must just be hormones and would settle down.

Funnily enough - it was a little thing that completely changed it for me. We went away on holiday and my mum dropped us all off at the airport in her car and then on our return, my father-in-law picked us all up in his. If we'd had three kids, we never would have all fit into a standard car with another driver.

So yes, I do think it will go away. And most families still have two.

[Widger]

Thanks so much for your messages ladies. It appears that we all want or wanted another and husbands are running to the hills! Nice to hear that some of you feel better now time has passed.

I do think if I really pushed it then it could happen but is that what I really want to do to my husband that isn't overly keen. I too, do everything myself with no external help so maybe one more would push me over the edge. It's a difficult one. I also am thinking about how life will get better soon after having 2 under 2, been a mental 3 years. Friends have said that when youngest turns 2 things improve too. Slightly

AnnaB - my friend is also 41 and has suddenly become broody again, 6 years after her first and I suppose she just feels, it is now or never. It all seems so final to say doors are closed.

I have yet to post on mumsnet but when I do I will post the link (need to set up profile etc).

Thanks again

[Widger]

I finally got round to it.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_ ... ther-child

It obviously isn't going to solve my issue but interesting to get more opinions.