Au pair walking around virtually naked Post Reply

[Soursecret mum]

I am a mum of two boys. I have an au pair who helps us during the week and normally have the weekend off which she spends in her boyfriends house.I just came back home from a tidious night shift only for my motherinlaw to tell me that our au pair was walking around last night virtually naked infront of everybody( I.e my husband and 2 kids). She was precisely wearing a vest and white lace panties. I was surprised my motherinlaw didn't tell her there and then to go put on some clothes and that was inappropriate neither did my husband. In their defense, I am supposed to do the talking to her. I didn't meet her here so I won't get to see her till Sunday evening.
Now not sure what I am supposed to do.

1) should I confront her on Sunday and tell her that's inappropriate or
2) should I wait to see it myself and tell her there and then?

Knowing me, I would be pondering over it if I don't do it now...

Advice please.

[Sherlika]

I had a friend that hired an au pair who did the same. She fired the au pair in the spot because they were a young couple and her husband was also shocked.

The decision is yours, but you have to make clear that she cannot wear these types of clothes as she is in a work environment.

[littlesleep]

I'd give her the first and last warning

[Doman]

I agree with Sherlika. She's in a work environment and it's simply not acceptable to walk around in your underwear. She wouldn't do it in another place of work (well, you'd hope!). One clear warning should do it.

[NYE31]

If she's wearing so little in this weather, I dread to think how little she might wear come the Summer if next year's is anything like this year's!

You def need to say something asap

Good luck

[mollys]

if I were you would chicken out and blame it on my mother in law! i.e. say that though you weren't there and therefore don't know what happened, your mother in law was a bit embarrassed to see her in her underwear and so in future would she mind making sure she is fully dressed before coming downstairs.
It is a bit of a cop out but at least it won't sour your relationship with her, whilst getting the point across!
Good luck!

[alpal1]

If she is young, she may be being a bit naive. Sounds like is treating your house as her parental home. Whilst I agree you do NOT want a half naked au-pair, her work will be better if she is happy and settled, (which it sounds like she is), so try not to spoil this.

I don't think telling her will be such a difficult thing. Simply explain that you prefer everyone in the house to cover up. If you are from different cultures/countries, she should accept it as a difference between you. Just be relaxed and express it as a preference rather than being judgmental. Words like "inappropriate" are quite strong. It depends on how the conversation is going, but I would try to save them for a subsequent time.

(I am presuming that you and your husband don't wander around half dressed. If you do, then sorry same rules for everyone!)

[Soursecret mum]

First of all thanks everyone for your advice.
I spoke to her last night and told her thats unacceptable in my house. She agreed and promised the episode will not repeat itself again. No one goes around half naked in my house so she can't justify her actions. So hopefully, that would be the end of her lingerie modelling. She is very good with my kids, it would be sad for our relationship if it continues.

[georgeholliday]

If she's young, she could be acting a little foolishly. She seems to be acting as if your house belongs to her parents. I understand that you do not want an au pair who is half-naked, but please try not to spoil this. If she is happy and contented, as it appears she is, her job will be better.candy clicker

[muddyboots]

I would definitely give her the benefit of the doubt!
She is young, immature and naive. This is most probably the first time away from home and you could kind of take it as a compliment she's feeling at home.

She's being naive in the sense that she is placing herself as a child at home as not as an au pair in a more official capacity. Please be reminded that these young girls need a home from home.

SO, start by gently but very clearly explaining to her that it's expected for her to be appropriately dressed when in communal areas. Are you sure she wasn't going from the bathroom to her room or something when it happened or was she literally. having a chat in her knickers?

If she would repeat after a conversation, only then act. 

Good luck! 
 

[SW4Mummy1]

Eek this really puts of off getting an au-pair! I've seen some of the outfits they were and it seems to be a common threat... but they are young. Glad speaking to her seemed to resolve it, I think honestly and approaching this stuff in a kind way (especially if it's the first instance) is usually the best approach 

[Tigger]

Why don't people look at the dates, or the previous posts in the same thread?  This was posted in October, and the original poster resolved it within two days.  I get that sometimes old posts are useful (recomendations for trades-people perhaps), but people offering advice on a thread that was resolved over six months ago is just pointless.

[ericemorson]

An extremely offensive action. Please speak to her and explain that if they repeat the offense, they will be fired.
 bob the robber
 

[roses are red]

We have been struggling with the appropriate way to approach similar in our house. Mostly, the warmer weather last weekend has been the trigger for way less clothing.
We appreciate that our au pair is part of the family whilst she is here, but with two boys under 10 and a husband in the house I'm not sure her dress is entirely appropriate. In every other way she is perfect. What is the norm for dress in this situation. She was mostly scantily clad early morning and late evening not all day long but it was uncomfortable for my husband.

[dudette]

Why don't people look at the dates, or the previous posts in the same thread?  This was posted in October, and the original poster resolved it within two days.  I get that sometimes old posts are useful (recomendations for trades-people perhaps), but people offering advice on a thread that was resolved over six months ago is just pointless.

Actually it’s from October 2013!! So the au pair will probably have kids of her own and be employing her own au pair (and maybe having the same problem)