Unexpected very bad news

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Confused mom
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby Confused mom » Mon Jul 29, 2013 10:49 am

Thanks again.
My husband is away at the moment with children in Spain, hence, I found these all out from his briefcase!

He is coming back today. We are both off work tomorrow to sort things out.

OK, i will pay the mortgage first. Then get legal advice. Alone? or with him?
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bumpontheway
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby bumpontheway » Mon Jul 29, 2013 10:49 am

It's all bit suss.....including the debt advice part......
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Vives09
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby Vives09 » Mon Jul 29, 2013 10:50 am

I have to say I don't find it suspicious, I know very intelligent people who speak English (as their second language) exactly like this and can spell fine.
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calgary
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby calgary » Mon Jul 29, 2013 12:13 pm

This is a terrible situation; real or not.

ConfusedMom, before you pay the mortgage, I think it would be wise to sit down with your husband and ensure that you know the status of all monies owed and then sit with one of the organizations that help those in debt and see how you can prioritize your payments. I believe most would say to not spend all the money up front to cover the last 6 months of arrears (because as it's incredibly kind of your parents to step in, I'm guessing that they don't have unlimited finances to help you) unless you're certain that you've got enough to cover the top priority items. They should also help you craft letters or discussions with your various lenders/suppliers to get them to provide you with more time to get out of arrears.

all the best!
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Confused mom
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby Confused mom » Mon Jul 29, 2013 12:27 pm

Thanks a lot with all advices. Much appreciated xx
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mandmassage
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby mandmassage » Mon Jul 29, 2013 12:40 pm

Am laughing at why anyone would post something on here to that detail as fake. I am sorry this has happened to you, my father did the same, although not sell the family jewellery. You don't seem to mention what the money has been spent on, once the debt has been settled you need to see where the money has gone and why. If there are a lot of cash withdrawals ask why. It could be removed as this is a word used by spammer but it could also very easily be drugs or alcohol. One of my friends had no idea her husband was an alcoholic, he used to hide vodka in the orange juice in the fridge. Never mind that the children could easily have drunk it!

Relationships are tough and when communication fails to a level like this it is really hard to get back, my parents relationship changed as a result and my father was left always feeling he had to apologise. It's a pity because he was a lovely man. So try and also look to see why he felt he couldn't tell you because as much as we want to believe he is completely to blame it isn't quite true. Good luck, as much as you want to be really angry with him he is probably more upset with himself.

We had to sell our house and downsize dramatically and I personally believe it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I understand the reality of life, whereas I was brought up in a very blinkered world of private education and mixing with only a certain type of person. Now my world is open to all, I met the most amazing people as a result of going to the local college, I am no longer the horrible snob I was brought up to be and I thank god every day as a result. Sometimes the best that we want for our children isn't actually the best that they need.

I now have the ability to support and help people from all backgrounds as a result.
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clapset
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby clapset » Mon Jul 29, 2013 5:24 pm

My first thought when I read this was - really. What a load of tosh.0

Don't believe it for a second.

Although I love the wonderful assumption one person jumped to ... does he have a removed as this is a word used by spammer problem. If he does, his problem presumably being that he can't pick a winner.

I think you put this down to 1 post wonders ... On this site you can always tell when somethings up when a poster comes out of the blue with 1 post making some ludicrous claim or backing a business / person ... There's some wonderful threads trending apparently read by thousands with a continual parade of new posters claiming that the service is the best thing since sliced bread - comedy!

Anyway - if it is real - poor you.
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Jen66
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby Jen66 » Mon Jul 29, 2013 6:03 pm

I don't understand how this could have happened?

You earn £200k a year between you - don't you have a joint bank account? Don't you checks statements? You say you 'give' him 75 per cent of your income. Why? He earns three times what you do.

Don't you open your own post? Didn't you see the demands from the utility companies?
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Confused mom
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby Confused mom » Mon Jul 29, 2013 6:11 pm

Just to clear something, I am a regular user of this website for over 4 years. However, I have to create a different name this time to protect my family identity especially my children.
Yes, we got joint bank account but I didn't have an access. Yes, I got a postbox but he keeps the key. He just gave me my post.
I just trusted my husband 100% which is stupid!
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excitera
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby excitera » Mon Jul 29, 2013 6:32 pm

it could be true, I'm in the same position - paying all my salary for childcare and husbands salary goes to pay mortgage & bills...
It awful position you are in, thanks God - you have parents who can help!
in our case we help our parents..
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Mum2Monkey
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby Mum2Monkey » Mon Jul 29, 2013 7:30 pm

I really feel for you. The same thing happened with my parents when I was young, although they eventually sorted things out I still remember Dad moving out, the arguments etc and us kids being stuck in the middle whilst wondering if we'd have a home to live in next week and be able to go to school. It still affects me now to some extent. Whatever fallout there is, and without doubt you shouldn't let your husband think this is all sorted, remember your children too and keep it away from them. I wish you lots of luck. Knowing my husband's love of online poker (which I do monitor closely!) I agree with other posters that could be an issue as if not I can't see how you can get through that much money each month....

To all those that say this is a fake post - when you post on a smartphone then it automatically corrects your spelling mistakes..... Also, this used to be a site where people supported each other and kept quiet if they didn't want to. Now there seems to be so much more cynicism and questioning of posts that I wonder why anyone posts on here......
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Annabel (admin)
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby Annabel (admin) » Mon Jul 29, 2013 8:23 pm

Hi
We've had a few issues over the weekend with potential fake posts and I've emailed some of the forum users individually with an explanation but seeing as Mum2Monkey raises it again I do want to step in publicly.

One of the problems with running a site like NVN is that it becomes a victim of its own success.

We are now the single BIGGEST local media in Wandsworth/SW London with almost 100k monthly visits (bigger than any local magazine, newspaper etc) and that means some businesses will try and "game" the posts or some journalists or bloggers will try and create stories to stir up a reaction (some of you might remember a few years ago a series of posts ended up being publicity for a book! :o )

We try to be really vigilant and stop it when it crops up and we are pretty good.

We tend to delete around ten posts a day and ban people who do try and slip them in but every now and again we fail.

If I see a thread looking suspicious I'll check a number of factors and from three "dodgy" looking threads this weekend (fish, this one and a building one) two were genuine and one looked like it was a spoof.

That's the worst it's been in AGES.

So...I'll try and keep vigilant but please don't take it as a sign that users aren't supportive if they do question a posters motives.

As long as it is done in a polite and courteous way I would hope that's ok because if someone does join on one day and then wade in with a big issue then it can look a little suspicious.

Thanks everyone for using NVN and I hope this goes some way to reassuring users that almost every post is genuine.

:-)
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Confused mom
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby Confused mom » Mon Jul 29, 2013 10:06 pm

Thanks admin - been very helpful to have this site.
I have been using a lot but in different name.
This is real post. If you need to get in touch with me
Please PM me.
Regards
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juliantenniscoach
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Re: Unexpected very bad news

Postby juliantenniscoach » Mon Jul 29, 2013 10:52 pm

Dear All,

Shouldn't we show some good will and accept the post is genuine until proved otherwise? It causes us no harm either way. OP take the positive advice. Priority would be to take advice over the mortgage status and go from there.

Secondly you need to find out where's the money gone, how and why. Best of, sounds as if you need it.
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