Did it help partner's career when you gave up work? Post Reply

[Elenita4ever]

Hi there,

Interesting question and some great replies.

I would also recommend Merryn’s book “Love is Not Enough” as per previous poster. Also, I would print out South London Daddy’s response and keep it on hand as a guide

From my perspective, the main thing to consider is “can you go back to your career, should you need to, after giving up or going part time?”

Agree 100% that the world is full of high-earners who crashed and burned. But it’s not just your partner who could end up in that pile. At 54, I’m probably a lot older than you (although my kids are probably not older than yours - I’m an older Mum), but my career has come to a screeching halt in the last year.

Now, it very much depends on what you do - if you’re in a legal, healthcare, accountancy profession then this won’t necessarily apply. But if, like me, you are in a senior corporate role, if you lose your job or choose to leave it, it’s incredibly difficult to get another one - certainly at the moment.

Now, this is partly a function of my age (54), the current job market (terrible), my profession (digital products) and a little bit a function of my gender (female) - but equally, I know many 50+ men in my position.

So, just wanted to echo those other two posters and especially point out that for many people (especially women of a certain age) getting back into a role after stepping off the corporate ladder, isn’t always viable or possible. It’s not even straightforward finding part-time work or pivot to another career - though I’m still hopeful!

Good luck and wish you all the best.

[PNW]

Thank you again for all the replies.

I guess the main thing I hadn't thought of was going back to work. Not because I don't want to but for some reason it seems so far off it just didn't cross my mind.

If I do have to go back to work further down the line then that is a very different situation. As in I'll be that much older pro-rata than my worked experience and I can imagine, as others have said here, that this is really difficult.

So there are a number of potential "future-me" pathways based on the advice and they are:

1. Give up work now and live happily ever after and never go back to work
2. Give up work now and then find relationship disintegrates at some stage so have to go back to work as a single parent
3. Give up work now and then after some time off to raise family, I go back to work
4. Don't give up work and continue as we are

I know the other option is for OH to give up work but as I explained at the start that doesn't make financial sense.

A lot to think about.

Thank you again.

[Goldhawk]

Are you married or not?
I would not give up work/career without marriage

[SouthLondonDaddy]

OP, I have recently witnessed a very disturbing interaction between a couple of acquaintances.
They're not close, I don't know them very well, but I know that he earns a lot more, and she took a few years off work to look after the kids, and has now gone back part time in a PA role (so I can only guess she won't be making £££).

She was complaining that she had to be away for a few days and, when she came back, the house was a total mess.
He snapped that "well, somebody has to work and pay the bills, you know"

This was at a (state) school event, in front of many other parents (mostly strangers).

I can only imagine what he must say to her when they are alone.

Of course I have no idea if he was always this charming, so this kind of behaviour was to be expected, or if he has changed over the years.

Just remember it's a possibility.

Have you ever heard the term "f* you money"?

In some cases it means having made so much money that you can tell your boss to * off.

But feminists use it differently: it means having the savings and the resources to be able to leave a toxic relationship or a toxic boss, ie not to be forced to stay just because otherwise you wouldn't be able to pay your bills.

Of course I am not implying your relationship will become toxic! Just saying that the importance of some financial independence cannot be underestimated.

[PNW]

Thank you everyone for the repies.

Goldhawk - yes we are married. I agree, without it could be a very different situation.

SLD - I think it's the potential change in the relationship over time I'm most worried about. That old phrase, "nothing changes in two years but everything changes in ten" springs to mind.

Still a lot to digest.