Why do people always ask what my husband does for a living? Post Reply

[Chocolat]

Bonjour! My family are recently moved her from just outside Paris. Everyone is very friendly but I am always confused why I am asked when I meet someone what my husband does for his living? Sometimes this question is the second or third thing I am asked and it seems very strange to be asked so quickly, in France this might be considered rude. Is it usual in London to ask? Or is it because I am French?

[Randomuser2]

I think it’s just one of those questions people tend to ask here to get a conversation going, to be honest. It’s not imaginative, but I don’t think it is intended to be rude - more that they are showing interest and trying to build a picture of the person/family they’ve just met.

[ladygaga]

We have lived in a couple of countries besides the UK and I have to say I find it something that is unique to the UK. I too was taken aback when I was first asked. I would say that half the people who ask will be just trying to start a conversation and the other half will be plain nosy.
 

[muddyboots]

It’s definitely not meant to be rude, it’s just a way to find out about people and start a conversation… perhaps more normal to ask the person themselves what they do rather than their partner.

If the is is a school gate conversation then think that people need to talk about something else rather than knowing you are a parent.

In some countries people ask outright how much you earn and that is beyond rude to most people… different cultures different questions I guess.

[Hip Hop]

'Where do your children go to school' is another of the questions asked here. Usually asked by someone with children at a private school. As though if yours are private then you are in some sort of exclusive club. That said I wouldn't take kindly to being asked what I earn so that is something to be glad about.

[Moonlightdawn]

Hi - I find it strange too. I’ve lived in continental Europe and it’s always struck me as a very London-centric question.

Agree that in France it would be considered nosy and a bit discourteous.

The “school” question, which another poster mentioned, is very common too.

[Btwcmum]

The UK has a very rigid class system and I am convinced people here ask straight away to weight in which class you belong to. Are you working class? Are you a lawyer/finance person? If the wife does not work and the kids attend a private school, it places you in the upper tier of affluent people. If you both work but still going private you are doing ok. I also found this is worst in “posh” state schools. In private schools there is an understanding everybody is somehow well off, although people ask me as some families might be stretching themselves to pay fees if they are not in very well paid jobs. In some state school, people tend to aggregate according to their social class, so you see the group of non working mums whose husbands have very good jobs going for coffees in the morning, working mums sticking toghether etc.

[Janet14]

I think I would take offence that someone is asking what my husband does rather than what I do and I’m British (!) but would be interested to know why that is a rude question in France?

[Flogri]

I’m French too and I find it normal, so I probably got used to it after almost 15 years here. I think the curiosity might have increased recently because, following Brexit, many French professionals have moved away and it is not so common any longer to hear about French families coming to the U.K.

[TFP]

Yes, sorry - when an upper middle class Londoner starts talking to another Londoner it's quite common for them to start looking for 'social clues that indicate class similarities'. Asking for job titles would be a fairly blatant example, subtler versions might involve holiday destinations, schools, sports teams, shopping destinations, etc. It's, dare I say it, probably more common with women, especially women for whom the choice, or lack of choice between working and being a 'stay at home mum' was a bit of a borderline decision and/or source of angst. 

I think in most other European countries there's a bit more of a thing where, on the basis of a few words, there's a question about 'is there mutual respect here?' This is less common over here.

[Mrs Koala]

That’s because the vast majority of the ladies you are speaking to wouldn’t be living in NVN if it wasn’t for their husbands bringing home large amounts of money! 😂😂

I have female acquaintances who certainly find it rather odd that I work incredibly hard and earn as much as - and sometimes more than - my better half.

I feel quite sorry for them…

[Guestuser3]

As a Brit who loves visiting France, I think two things here - one is that there is definitely a cultural difference whereby it’s not rude in the UK to ask opening questions about a person’s profession, where you live etc, as a means of getting to know someone. Having read a little on French culture I understand that this would be considered personal information in France, but here one’s profession is openly discussed. Not perhaps the most interesting line of enquiry, but perhaps us Brits are awkward at chit chat!

My second thought, though, is why not ask you what you do, rather than what your husband does? I wouldn’t really ask this of someone unless I knew her a little bit already, and would only ask out of interest. Seems a bit nosy to me, and again not a very interesting question!

[chorister]

Taking offence seems to be becoming the national sport ...............

[dimelda]

The British are a class-obsessed nation.  Class permeates every aspect of society.  (They're also obsessed with other issues ... religion, what school one went to, & home ownership just being a few of them.)  It's not surprising that the OP (Chocolat), from France where such issues are of lesser importance, & where class has more or less been eradicated, is nonplussed.  She comes from a far more enlightened society.
 

[Footinbothcamps]

Its a bit direct and old-fashioned and possibly bourgeois (lol French word ha) , but we are losing so many 'taboos' these days I wouldn't overthink it. For example, each situation is different.
One bored 'school mum' might be stimulated by the idea you are married to a penniless artist, another might be excited by something else. Few will be interested in certain less interesting professions and then your convo will move on and you will see if you like the other person (or not!)
I personally like industrious and creative people., no matter what they do.
Asking his salary is still not ok (obv)

For those criticising any particular nationality, think again. There are cultural oddities everywhere.
I have both French and German relatives.German ones say its perfectly normal to ask a persons age (woman or man) . Theres no emotion attached lol and Imagine its the same for a job.
I would avoid being cagey about anything, as this seems artificial, as does 'bigging up' obviously!
If you dont like it, perhaps use your wit and repartee to make a joke . There are no rules .
'Interview' type interactions are always boring imo, whether you are at school gate, or on a date or minding your own business. :)