My father in law and I have always gotten along really well, we have a really good bond and he often visits us to spend time with the children. I love him very much so this is nothing to do with him on a personal level.
The issue I have is that he has some very specific quirks whereby whenever he does visit, he feels the need to seek out things to do without asking us, and this often results in a huge mess or creates disruption. Which then falls on me to undo or repair once he's gone, which usually is on a Sunday evening when I'm trying to get the house and everyone (kids) ready for the week ahead.
Things like obsessively mowing our lawn in a haphazard way and then tossing all of the cut grass all over the hedges, which he claims is good for growth. Often when he does this it's very casually so there's mess all over the paving as well, clogging up the drains. I've tried to kindly ask him if he could please use the garden refuse popup bags we have, as we take garden refuse to the tip. He nods & then forgets, repeating the process every visit.
Whenever he uses the kitchen for anything, be it to make a cup of tea, anything - he has a habit of randomly grabbing dry, used sponges sitting on the side of the sink and wiping over all the countertops - without any cleaning products, more just a habit. It means he is spreading whatever yuck is on said sponges all over the kitchen, meaning I have to remember to wipe everything down with Dettol after he leaves. He refuses to use our dishwasher, instead insisting on hand washing everything. I have no issue with this except for the fact that he doesn't rinse, nor wipe anything dry, so we end up with piles of wet crockery and plates in our cupboards - mugs & bowls will often have dirty standing water in them and if we don't discover them for a few days, they start to smell mouldy.
Most recently, my husband and I went away for a few days for the first time in 5 years and my FIL kindly stayed over to help. When we returned, I discovered he'd gone into the basement and grabbed everything and shoved it all in several large boxes without any order. It was messy but I actually knew where most things were, as I was halfway through an organising project which I've been working on for weeks. This included everything from receipts (we run our own business), children's academic books/assignments, family items, personal things etc). I don't know where anything is now and I'm going to have to empty all the boxes and start all over again. which is going to take more weeks to undo. It actually feels like an intrusion. I couldn't imagine going to a family members' house (or anyones) and going through their belongings and chucking everything into random boxes.
I know that none of the above is from a place of malice, in his own way my FIL thinks he is being helpful. I don't take for granted the fact that we have a grandparent interested and keen to spend time with the children. It just that the visits always create so much more work for me (my husband nods about how quirky his father is being but then walks off!). I don't want to say anything that he could take offence about, or be hurt about, but I'm starting to get anxiety whenever I know he's coming to visit as I dread all of the mess that will result. Most recently I always feel a bit violated about the basement issue.
Advice very much welcome on how to handle this, thank you.
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