teacher trying to humiliate ny son in front of class Post Reply

[sloane]

Help! It would seem that my son is getting an unfair ride from his teacher. I would go as far to say that he is being picked on. He seems to be increasingly in trouble, a new thing this year but I do appreciate that children do go through stages and is increasingly unhappy about going to school, again a new thing.

He came home yesterday to tell me that he was in trouble for being rude to a classroom assistant but he isn't sure what he did. Of course if he was rude that is not ok but his punishment is to read out a letter of apology in front of the whole class and she has told him that the the head of the lower school might also be there.I feel that this is quite a big ask of a 9 year old. In fact I I think that it is quite humiliating and possibly bullying. My question is should I pick it up with his teacher directly or go to someone higher up the school. I am very fond of the school and don't want to be targeted as a trouble maker or make his life worse but this doesn't feel appropriate.
 

[SWtastic]

I would speak to his teacher and find out about his behaviour as it sounds as if it has deteriorated to have got to this point.  Once you know exactly what he's been doing (as children generally give an edited version of reality) then you will be able to judge and comment on the punishment.  It sounds to me as if his behaviour has been impacting on the whole class, hence the apology in front of it.  If his behaviour has been poor, then you can support the school by sanctioning him at home.  By the way, this doesn't sound like bullying (which is a word that is bandied around a lot but mostly used incorrectly) but the response of a teacher who's frustrated with the behaviour of one student and the way it's affecting the class.

[Pud5]

I agree with SWtastic. This isn’t bullying (also agree that this word is often misused). You certainly need to hear the whole story, so you know what has happened. Children are very quick to give their version and portray their innocence! I would make an appointment with the class teacher and go in with the intention of supporting the school to manage and improve your child’s behaviour. Don’t go in and defend their behaviour, as many parents do, as that undermines the school and doesn’t help the situation.

[number28]

That punishment is absolutely inappropriate for a child. It is deliberate humiliation. What beneficial effect can this possibly have on any child’s behaviour? ‘Discipline’ in schools is supposed to have the intention of guiding and improving the child’s behaviour, not destroying their self-esteem and willingness to engage in education.

I think you need to speak with your child in detail about what they think has been happening in class, and then with your child’s teacher, to compare the pictures. And possibly go back to your child again with this perspective, to get more information from them.

Children are more likely to misunderstand what is expected of them than to deliberately paint a picture of their own innocence. They are not all ‘Artful Dodgers’. At 9 years old they do not have the same frontal lobe development or executive skills as an adult, so of course they are likely to see things from their own perspective. It is the teacher’s responsibility to ensure a child understands what is expected of them, and also to understand that different kids will react differently to the way a teacher teaches and disciplines. I hope your school has progressed past a Dickensian understanding of child development.

Seek to understand what the teacher is seeing, but you are your child’s advocate and the person who knows them best. Approach the situation as the adult who is trying to help both your child and the school, but I believe you will regret not supporting your child more than you will regret asking the school what is going on. Kids who feel unsupported by their main carers can end up with all sorts of psychosocial/emotional/behavioural problems.

If what is happening in class is outside your child’s normal behaviour, there is likely to be a reason. This could be anything from a personality clash with the teacher (which is not your kid’s fault - they are not the adult in the room), to an undiagnosed leaning difficulty (eg ADHD, ASD) or medical diagnosis, or your child responding to other issues such as bullying by other kids, or any stressors at home, the list goes on.

Humiliating a child in front of the class risks making them the scapegoat for the teacher and other kids, and setting them up to be bullied in future.
 

[AJ2012]

Absolutely the first thing is to get the full story. However I cannot imagine the punishment fits the crime and wholeheartedly agree with number28. I couldn’t put it better.

[catboo1]

Wholeheartedly agree with Number28 too- very well said. This turned my stomach. Utterly humiliating to make a 9 year old stand in front of class and do that. Completely inappropriate of the teacher to have done this and I’d be going into the school to have a meeting and find out how they thought this was acceptable.

[SeemsFitting]

Based upon your narrative - it seems your child’s behaviour is poor. IMO, an apology letter read aloud is very age appropriate and reflective. You defending the poor behaviour without fully investing time to understand the drivers and then assigning inappropriate descriptions to teacher/school are a poor reflection on your parenting skills (or lack thereof).

[DeeJackson72]

Slightly taken aback by the polarisation above? Agree with number28 and AJ2012 - get the full story from every perspective as a matter of urgency. At an appropriate moment, talk to your son quietly and his side of the story should emerge? Patently, everyone involved will have their own version?

However! Reading an apology out loud in front of the whole class is, IMHO, an extreme reaction and completely inappropriate for kids of this age group. Number28 is spot on about brain development qua reactions and consequences? This sounds like a knee jerk reaction from a teacher/classroom assistant who actually doesn't sound as if they have the requisite empathy to be dealing with nine year olds? A general chat with the entire class about levels of courtesy and kindness without naming names or pointing fingers should be more than enough at this juncture? 

We don't make kids stand in the corner wearing dunce's hats any more - and with good reason? For a nine year old, this is public humiliation of the worst kind and could possibly leave lasting trauma? Check with a senior teacher/head of pastoral or safeguarding. This is NOT ok?

Not identical, but our family had a similar experience and our daughter was forced - without any consulation with us - to write a letter of apology in circumstances when it was clearly another child who should have been sanctioned. The teacher acted without bothering to find out the full story and we made our disappointment about this skewed chain of events very clear to the school? Sadly, too late to save our then seven year old's humiliation.

Please don't let this happen to your son? You are in the right and this is bullying? I understand your reluctance about rocking the boat with the school but you know him best, after all? You may also be able to correct a pattern of behaviour and save a number of other children from similar humiliation down the line. Best of luck? Your boy will be OK but please don't allow them to put him through this utterly unnecessary humiliation? What next, stocks in the playground??