Mother telling me I should go on a diet so I don't embarrass the children Post Reply

[ladygaga]

Can anyone tell me how they would deal with this.

My mother who I love dearly and for the most part have a wonderful relationship has once again referred to my weight, but this time, after telling me that I really should think about a diet, she added, as I am assuming she thinks as some sort of incentive - summer will be here before you know it and you don’t want to embarrass the children.

She is right, my weight fluctuates and I need to sort it, but her constant referencing it only makes me upset, cross and then eat. I have called her out on it before and she apologises and says that she is only trying to be encouraging but I feel this last comment is a step too far and I'm thinking that maybe it is her that is embarrassed about me.

[Greyskies]

I think the key point here is that you love her dearly and that she doubtless loves you dearly. I would try to keep that thought front and foremost in my mind when reacting to her comments.

My response would then be direct. Look, mum, I know I have a weight problem. I am trying to address it. Your comments while perhaps well meaning are not helping. If anything, they add to my stress levels and contribute to de-railing my weight loss efforts. So if you genuinely want to help, please keep your thoughts on this issue to yourself. 

And then change the subject….

If she reverts repeat the above. 

[Justkeepswimming]

I was very sorry to read this. While not particularly helpful advice in dealing with your own mother, I would encourage you to try and put the criticism out of your mind and keep swimming! There are lessons for your children on self-love and acceptance if you do. These lessons will stand them in good stead well beyond any childhood embarrassment. Children will find something to get embarrassed about any parent, spending life trying to avoid that is senseless.

As someone whose mother never swam because she had so many hang ups about her body, I force myself into a one-piece every summer despite my own body anxieties. The kids will remember that you had fun with them at the seaside… not what your body looked like while you were doing it! Xxx