How big an age gap is ok? Post Reply

[In a pickle]

My daughter started dating a 19 about to be 20 year before Christmas.

She is only 16 and I am quite worried about the age gap.

There are the obvious things like sleeping together that I am very uncomfortable about but also I am worried that their lives aren't aligned.

She has ambitions to go off to university, although very recently she is talking about taking a gap year and travelling with her boyfriend.

I know better than to try and lay down the law but I'm also aware that this is an important time in her life.

Does anyone have advice? It may be best just to live and let live but I did want to ask if anyone else has any experience or tips?

Thank you

[Shgeeb]

Can you give us more context please? How did they meet? What’s he doing in life atm? Do you like him aside of the age gap? Do you think they’re roughly equal in maturity levels? Can she hang out w him and her friends all together? Does she seem happy?

[Mikeydon]

The elusive quest for the perfect age gap in matters of the heart. Just remember, finding the right boyfriend isn't a mathematical equation. It's more about shared interests, values, and, of course, mutual respect. So, let your daughter navigate the labyrinth of love without worrying too much about the numbers – compatibility tends to be a better guide than a specific age range.

[Vicki W]

If he seems a good fit for your daughter and she wants to take a gap year to travel with him which wont be til she's 18 then I'd wait and see how things play out.  Young relationships can be volutile and they may not even be together in 2 years time ...

[SW4Mummy1]

That age gap isn't huge but it's all relative to the age of the person. IE. the younger you are the bigger deal an age gap is. As they are so young I agree I think there might be different expectations, but if they were in their 30s it wouldn't be a big deal. Difficult to say but if you trust your daughter you should support her decision but keep an eye on it x 

[Yhni]

Does she have good female friends?
Does she have Good competitive challenging studies and hobbies?
Do you have great times together as a family?
Is her dad astrong figure in her life or is she seeking a substitute?
Is a boyfriend providing status and excitement she is not finding elsewhere?

Tell the adult male your daughter is a child and he is an adult.
He will be welcomed very seriously in a year or two if he limits his contact now and allows your daughter a childhood without sexually orientated emotional ties. You will be reporting your concerns to social services.

[Yhni]

Does she have good female friends?
Does she have Good competitive challenging studies and hobbies?
Do you have great times together as a family?
Is her dad astrong figure in her life or is she seeking a substitute?
Is a boyfriend providing status and excitement she is not finding elsewhere?

Tell the adult male your daughter is a child and he is an adult.
He will be welcomed very seriously in a year or two if he limits his contact now and allows your daughter a childhood without sexually orientated emotional ties. You will be reporting your concerns to social services.