Dummy use linked to poor sleeping? Post Reply

[Gigi]

Hi all,
I have 2 children. My oldest is 22 months and has never been a very good sleeper - I often wonder if it was connected to the dummy as in the night I would pop the dummy back in. I now have a 3 month year old and I am using the dummy again because I think it's so soothing to a small baby and so handy when you have a toddler around. But I am nervous he may become a bad sleeper with the dummy and that he will wake when it falls out at night. Have other mothers found this? And do some find their babies have dummies but once asleep stay asleep?
I find it so hard to hear my babies cry, I know some mothers will say that its kinder to let them cry but it just doesn't feel right for me and I find it virtually impossible to do.
Thanks x

[kewty]

My daughter used to have a dummy at night time, and I had to get up about 5 times a night to put the dummy back, it wasn't doing any of us any good, so I eventually weened her off them, and we are sleeping much better at night, although she does wake up about once.

Funnily enough, we recently left her with my parents for a weekend, so that we could get away, and they are both sound sleepers and never heard her call for them in the night. The first morning they woke up to a nasty present smeared around her room, but was fine the following two nights, and for quite a while after that she slept soundly throughout the night. She knows that we are soft touches and if she cries, we will come running, so she has started waking in the night again, but I am sure that if we dared to purchase earplugs, she would very quickly be sleeping through the night again.

We have another child (fingers crossed all goes well) arriving in May, and I am worried about using a dummy but then on the flip side the new born waking the whole house up numerous times a night.

It is a tough one, but I genuinely believe that even though the dummies give us peace and quiet in the short term, in the long term they do more harm than good.

At the end of the day you are their mother and know in your gut what is best for them.

Kx

[dancing_queen59]

I have twins. 1 who had a dummy, 1 who didn't. The one who didn't was always the better sleeper and the one who did would wake up constantly, we would go running in to put the dummy back in. We got rid of his dummy when he was 7 months old with CC. Since then he is a more happier, energetic baby, doesn't whine as much and sleeps like a dream! Call me cruel or hard but the fact of the matter is is that everyone, babies, children, adults need to learn how to fall asleep on their own. Call it a dummy, a tv, a rock to sleep, stroking of the brow, all these aids are just temporary and when they wake up they expect it again and again until they fall back to sleep again. By teaching them to learn on their own without any aid makes for a happier and healthier baby. Sorry to go on, I'm just very passionate about this and believe parents should always be getting good nights sleep!

[susiep23]

this is a tricky one because some sleep soundly with a dummy and woudlnt be without and for some when it falls out its a real upset to them. I dont feel a dummy developmentally in babyhood for sleep is any harm though if its a good comfort its during the day that it can be linked to slower speech etc. My nephew has slept fairly soundly from 4mths with a dummy.

In my experience (nanny) i know of babies i have looked after that havent had dummies for sleep but then they aquire something else as a soother when they wake. The little one i looked after was having 3 solid meals a day plus 3 miks a day (am,pm bedtime) at 9mths and still waking 2 times a night and this definately wasnt hunger with all that food!! The bottle i feel he associated with comfort when he woke. We looked at other avenues and i suggested he go up a nappy size or night nappies as he was sometimes wet in the morn and that this is a probable cause. He now has pull ups at night and they seem to be extra absorbant and he sometimes wakes once a night but far more restfull sleep in genral for mum and dad than before. Now we are working on not giving a bottle if he wakes just water or nothing and helping him to self sooth back to sleep.

The twins i have looked after previously had the same thing regarding waking for night bottles and it took one weekend of not giving in and only offering water to get them off of the bottle and self soothing. The 1st night was tough mum said as they cried and cried (obviously comforted not left for ages) but by the sunday they were not waking anymore so there is a light at the end of the tunnel .

for positve sleep pattern

Id say always have super aborbant nappies to sleep (pampers night time or pull up nappies once old enough seem really absorbant for night even though they are meant for the day. Alot of babies are very sensitive to wetness on the skin.

If they wake for bottles if ur baby will dream feed routinely feed them around 11pm or when u go to bed to fill up tummys for the night.

always put baby in a sleep bag (my opionion). In my exp it aids more restfull sleep. Baby is not cold and cannot (usually lol) kick this off as they may a blanket... then when child is fully asleep id put a celleular/blanket over to ensure they are snug & warm (dep on time of year-temp). With newborns you cud even put rolled cellular either side of them in the moses to keep them feeling snug/secure not a tiny baby in a big space which is new from being so compact in the womb.

Offer a comforter, i would say for some a dummy, for some a muslin to chew etc for some mabe nothing.

Dont be worried if fazing something out for a baby to cry.This is their only means of saying i dont like something. without sounding like the wicked witch as long as baby knows you're there,that they are not abandoned ofcourse they will get cross and show this, they are frustrated you have taken something away that they are used to as part of thier routine but they will learn and it will be short lived maybe even sooner than you thought it would.

My friend with twins said the 1st night (fazing out milk in the night) was the hardest, not much sleep for them at all on night 1. Dad stayed in same room as the boys, held their hands through cot bars, thye knew he was there but he didnt let up by giving them milk and this waking from the twins lasted for the next night but then stopped by end of weekend...... so a little upset at something new dosnt last for long so don feel you're being bad parents or anything its just baby adjusting to change

[supergirl]

Like Dancing Queen, I could write dissertation on sleep and healthy sleep.
I agree all aids are temporary as eventually for everybody's sake you must teach/train your child to fall asleep unaided and to STAY asleep or put him/herself back to sleep without any prop.

I have used the dummy for my two girls as like you I found it very comforting especially when they are tiny babies and especially to space the feeds... but I got rid of them before they were 16weeks old. From 4 months on, a baby starts to make associations and recognise the fact if he/she looses it mum or dad comes and put it back in which is nice for him/her.

Try control crying or cold turkey (i did the latter - call me cold hearted or cruel but I believe sometimes you need to be "cruel to be kind"). I know this is hard but in the long run you will have given them the best gift in life: healthy sleep.

I also advise you to read "Healthy sleep habits, Happy child" from Marc Weissburth. This book has been and still is my bible. It did also help my husband who is so overtired that he cant even be able to switch off and go to bed and he is 43. Reading it (instead of me going on about it) has made him realised that he was in vicious cycle of bad pattern in terms of his sleep habits. He changed a few things and it is working wonders. Still the pressure from work though...

Good luck, hope you get an unbroken night soon, as you said we all deserve it.

X

[cheshirecat]

I only had one dummy user and she has always been my best sleeper. What I did was to latch her off the dummy just before she went to sleep. So she drifted off with the dummy but didn't need it to actually fall asleep. So when she woke in the night she did not rely on the dummy to go back to sleep and also she didn't wake up when the dummy fell out.

Hope this helps with the next one!

[womblemama]

It's a really tricky one and I don't think there's a wrong or right answer. We still use a dummy for my 18 month old - just for sleeping, which has been an absolute godsend in terms of getting her to sleep well. She associates it with sleep and we put her down at 7pm with it and she wakes up at 8am and not a sound in between. And sleeps 2 hours at lunchtime. And I have no plans to take it away! On the downside, we went through a couple of months of torture when we had to keep popping the dummy back in several times a night before she could do it herself, but since she started sleeping through the night (at about 4 or 5 months) it's been great. If you do go down the dummy route, I'd recommend buying a sleepytot which is a small soft toy with vecro on its paw that holds the dummy in place. It makes it easier for them to find if it comes out in the night.

[Gigi]

Thanks for all your replies and advice and time! This website is so great and useful! Have taken all on board and trying to not give the dummy for bedtime and its worked very well so far, in that he has gone to sleep easily and has barely cried; but does still wake in the night for feeds but i guess that is to be expected at his age. I havent taken the dummy away entirely as it is useful but if he can fall asleep on his own at night then it bodes well for the full night sleeping. I hope i get some sleep soon!
xxx