Toddler waking up at night Post Reply

[Sam001]

Please help! My 20 month year old daughter who was always a very good sleeper, has now turned into a very difficult sleeper and wakes up 3 - 5 times a night. I am sure that this started due to 'accidental parenting' from our part where we had either given her milk half way through the night, slept with her in her room, or put her in bed with us half way through the night. Unfortunately, she has now learnt that she can wake up and scream until we do something about it.

I have tried letting her cry, however I am not physically able to let her scream her head off for more than 30 minutes and I also worry that she is going to throw herself out of the cot, and hurt herself! Has anyone got any other methods and recommendations that can help her learn how to get herself back to sleep on her own?

Thanks.

[IheartNZ]

Have you used the controlled crying technique before? I used it successfully with both of my children. Sometimes I had to revisit using it with my daughter if her sleeping was disrupted by things like travel. Never use it if your little one is not well - its only if she's waking out of bad habit (which it sounds like she is!)
Method:

Let her cry for five minutes.
Then go in and say shuussh, its time for sleeping, - place a hand on her if you like (or even a cuddle) but no interaction only to say its time to sleep, no eye contact and no negotiating with her, just be calm, almost robot like, and keep repeating that its sleepy time. Once she's calmed down, leave.
Leave her for ten minutes, then go in again. This time just place a hand on her. No talking. Then when she's calmed down, leave.
Let her cry for twenty minutes, go in again.
Repeat this method doubling the time each time. This way, she learns that you are still there (she's not feeling abandoned) but she's also learning that she's not getting anything out of crying and will eventually give up and go back to sleep.
The key to this method is CONSISTENCY. So if you choose to undertake it, you must see it through and not go back. You need to be quite strong mentally and focus on the outcome. You also need to allow some time. Sometimes children will respond to this method within a couple of nights, others need longer. This method is not for everyone - crying can be hard to take but I liked it as my children responded very quickly to it and because of the idea that they knew that I was there so you are not just 'leaving them to cry' - hence the name controlled crying. I found it a reassuring way to teach my children to sleep and they are now both good sleepers. As I say sometimes I've had to revisit it with my daughter if she gets out of kilter but thats because of changes we have made to her sleeping habits, not her. And please I must say again this method is not to be used when children are teething or ill! Hope this is of help - good luck in whatever you decide

[IheartNZ]

Sorry I forgot to reiterate - that on the second and all subsequent visits - no talking!! This is also crucial to the technique as your daughter will realise that although you are there she's not getting any attention out of you so its not worth waking up for.

[confusedofbattersea]

Hi, I know exactly what you're going through. Its actually nice to know I'm not the only Mum up and down in the night to a toddler who should know better!

While I believe in the CC method, all too often after about 40 mins I give up and take my 23 month old into bed because I'm worried he'll make himself ill or hurt himself, and also, as i work full-time, I just can't function after consecutive nights of screaming for one or two hours.

HOWEVER, I have found the CC method does work. I had the mental and physical energy to put it into practice a few weeks ago, and within a couple of nights we were back on track - though I do think coughs/colds/weekends away can disrupt it and find I'm back to square one again at times.

Give it a try when you know you've not got too much else on so you're not exhausted before you even go to bed and hopefully your toddler will be back to good sleeping habits very soon.

[Sam001]

hey fellow mummies, thanks for your replies. I tried the controlled crying method last night and she ended up sleeping upright hanging on the cot after I let her cry for 5 minutes. On the second awakening, she would not settle down in her cot at all cost and I ended up putting her down on a small futon bed. She did not fall asleep immediately but at least she was much calmer. I ended up with lots of visits to our bedroom, but I kept taking her back to her futon bed with no cuddles and no talking. It took me about an hour at 3am to settle her down, but at least I did not have to deal with the screaming!

It seems that she might be ready to sleep in her own bed and she is not happy in her cot anymore?! I am hoping for a more restful night tonight and less awakenings.