how do I deal with someone elses naughty child? Post Reply

[Discipline]

I am having a problem with a schoolfriend of my son and I am not sure what to do.

He really likes this boy in his class but the boy is SO naughty when we comes around to our house. Its not even that he is rude and naughty but he has also really got to me! When I tried to tell him off last week he said that I couldn't shout at him as I was not his mummy and he was going to tell his mummy that I hit him! (I hadn't!).

I do not know what to do, my son will be distraught if I stop him coming around but I am worried that he is going to get me into trouble. Reading about it now makes it seem really silly but I am very worried.

D

[schmee]

I'm not surprised you are upset - that sounds awful and I would be really shocked if I were you. Do you know the mum well enough to mention it to her? If one of mine came back from a playdate and said that the mum had smacked him I might be a bit freaked out. But if the mother had mentioned casually and calmly what my child had said I would know to tell my son to respect her rules and not to threaten her like that. If she responds badly then at least you know you've tried.

Mine quite often go down the street shouting "don't hit me again Mummy please" when I never ever have....

[lightbrownmama]

If I were you I think I would put an end to the friendship. If this child is really naughty, that will rub off on your son. Your son will make other friends and get over losing this one. He will recover from being upset initially about it, but if he continues to spend time with friends who do not make good choices, it will influence the path that he goes down, perhaps to his detriment.
Helping our children learn to make good choices (including choosing friends who have a love of the good) is one of our primary responsibilities as parents. It is very difficult to do, but worth the effort.
All the best as you cope with this situation.

[MGMidget]

You don't mention how old your child and the friend are and I get the impression the friend's mum is not very involved in this playdate. I assume if the mum isn't bringing the friend to your house herself then he must be reasonably old (I'm guessing 11 plus???) in which case I don't know how easy it would be to try and end the friendship. They will still see one another at school and your child may want to go to their house instead of coming to yours if he has reached an age where they simply go round to one another's houses without much involvement from mum. If she is bringing him to your house then I think you would be best to mention the problems that have arisen when he's at your house and what he has said when you told him off. If she reacts by being concerned about her son's behaviour and telling him off then that may resolve the problem in future. If she is suspicious of you or doesn't agree with your actions then she may chose to keep her child away from yours - in which case you didn't break up the friendship she did. That leaves you on better terms with your son and the problem partly solved at least. Personally I wouldn't worry what others may think if the mother reacts negatively and bans her son from seeing yours. If he behaves badly at your house then he probably does at other houses too other people will have a similar view of him. You can't do much about them being friends at school though, but you may have to encourage your son to think of other friends to invite home in which case he may form a stronger friendship with them and divert attention away from the naughty friend.

[moops]

God what a little bugger! I understand that you don't want to disappoint your Son by breaking off the friendship, but I wouldn't be threatened and intimidated by someone elses kid in my own home!

I agree with what someone else said as well about his behaviour rubbing off on your Son, it's only a matter of time before he is teaching your Son to be as devious